I was my mother's majority caregiver for three years, it got a lot for me personally so we all got together to find a placement for her. We did find one and for the last six months we have rotated taking her home for the weekends. She loves it she gets see her grandkids, children, friends, and family but no one single sibling is responsible fulltime. When I went to pick her up yesterday I was asked if we could limit how often we take her out because she resets and becomes rough for the staff.
I hate to be that person but aren't they trained to deal with stuff like that? I do not understand why they feel we should leave her? She loves spending time with us and we all would love to have her be home but I got burnt out and we work fulltime jobs.
Can I just ignore their request? Can they make things hard on us?
Alternatively, at this time, perhaps she does not yet belong in memory care, based on what you've said she does when she's home. If I understand correctly, you would have put her in assisted living memory care if it were possible, but since Medicaid normally does not pay for assisted living, she has to have memory care in a SNF. Perhaps she could be reevaluated to see if she could move out of the memory care and into the regular SNF location there. There would almost certainly be more activities, including some physical activities, than it appears are available there. You've mentioned she's talkative, and she might have more people with whom to talk if she were in regular extended care.
Why don't you instead take turns bringing your families to her place and spend the afternoon together? That way it will be a win win for all involved.
Sounds like you may need to educate yourself a bit more about this horrible disease, so you're better prepared for what is yet to come, and won't be so surprised when the facility asks you not to disrupt your mothers routine so often.
We already feel bad enough that we cannot take care of her at home despite having so many hands because our jobs do not allow us to do.
Her routine is watching ION their words. That is all she did when we did not visit so she could adjust. We suggested things we do at home like karaoke does not care. Knitting nothing.
At home she sings, reads children books to her grandkids, laughs, tells the same story of how her and dad met.
It is 100% a night and day difference.
Breaking her routine of where she lives is not helpful . Since taking her out at all is causing a problem with a messy drop off then do not take her out at all. This is not uncommon for families to stop taking someone out who needs memory care .
Have the family visit her in memory care instead .
Why do you not understand that taking your mother out of the MC every weekend causes her to become too disruptive for the staff to handle, and that's not a good thing for ANYBODY, including mom? The staff and the facility itself is your mother's home, and home to the other residents as well. Not a place where you drop mom off when you feel like it, and then expect the trained staff to just deal with her shenanigans caused by having her schedule and routine disrupted. Thats disrespectful to the MC staff.
Furthermore, your mom is exit seeking the MC now bc you're taking her out every weekend! She's not able to understand why she must stay in the MC now when she was just taken out of there for a couple of days. If she manages to elope, God forbid, you'll have a really bad issue on your hands due to confusing your mother with mixed messages her brain can no longer comprehend.
Mom being disruptive may be entertaining for HER, but not for the other residents or the staff who have to manage all the upset residents. Sticky fingers and barging into other people's rooms is harassing behavior in a place where everyone deserves to lives in peace.
That said, the MC can indeed ask mom to leave if her behavior doesn't calm down because you refuse to stop taking her out for sleepovers. Thats really an unheard of thing to do in MC. The next step is you try to find another MC who will accept her with behavior issues due to being taken home for weekends, or, you get her into Skilled Nursing.
Your best bet is to listen to what the admin is saying to you and stop taking mom out of there for weekends. It causes her too much confusion. If you must take her out, go out for dinner or lunch and bring her back there to sleep.
Good luck.
She is already in SNF MC cause Medicaid in our state does not cover MC outside of SNF.
I get it may be rude to the staff but what other alternative do families have? Even if we take her and bring her back she will still give them a hard time because she will want to leave with us.
Really only fix to this problem is to not show up. If limting it does not work what is next they tell us to not come at all because she is disruptive to others?
Seems like a weird request I get it though but we also want her to be happy and live life not just exist until she dies. What else can we do if they tell us visiting and taking her out is just too much. Cause even the drop off can be messy because she wants to stay with us and it would be the same if we visit would it not?
I would sit down with them and ask for FULL DETAILS as to what a "difficult reset" actually means. What behavior is she exhibiting that is troublesome to them.
YOU love this. SHE loves this. THEY are relieved of her for a weekend. And no one is even asking for a bit off the price of her meals.
I, to be honest cannot even begin to imagine what their problem is.
That is why I would ASK them exactly what problems she is causing them that they can with CERTAINTY attribute to her having love weekends at your place.
She also becomes more exit seeking even triggered the fire door a couple of times trying to leave. Based off recommendations we did not visit much at first so she could adjust and after she appeared to adjust is when we started to take her out. In total she has been placed for nearly the year we placed her in Jan.