Just as the title says, we are no longer able to care for my mother. My mother has no other family, only 1 other daughter who has just had a newborn. She has a mother but she's in her 80's. My wife and I both work/college to pay bills and the house, And cannot be at home all day to watch her. My mother has no insurance (we're working on it) and lately has been wandering outside disturbing the neighbors. Everyday she gets more and more aggressive and confused.
One of the neighbors has said they are going to call APS if we don't figure something out. We dont know what to do anymore and we both know we can no longer care for her. We need some advise.
Are you living in her home or she in your’s? Hopefully, you obtained Power of Attorney and there is a will. If not, you may have to apply for guardianship. You’ll need this to handle her affairs.
You can’t blame the neighbors for being upset. This must be very unpleasant for them. Is she alone during the day? Your neighbors may be claiming neglect if she is on her own and wandering all day.
If she has a doctor, you will have to go to them and ask for their help. They can put you in touch with agencies who can help. You can also call your local Area Agency on Aging and ask for referrals to agencies. Also, apply for Medicaid. She might be able to go to a facility Medicaid pending
if APS does show up, work with them.
We're trying to get her medicaid but we need proof of diagnoses. We cant afford to get her officially diagnosed so we've been holding off on it in fear of rejection. We also cant afford any other insurances that will cover what she has.
I appreicate your previous response.
My husband had symptoms like you are describing. He was able to get disability, and Medicaid when he needed to be placed in skilled care. Go to your mother’s physician, local Medicare office, seek free legal counsel, and contact DHS. Someone from one or all of those agencies can help guide you to get the benefits your mother may be entitled to. If your mother is acting out, you could also take her to nearest emergency room and seek psychiatric help with symptoms. They may be able to start the ball rolling by admitting her and starting the process for government assistance.
Your mother must be in her fifties or sixties? - which makes this Alzheimers very early onset. Sorry - just to check, what do you mean she hasn't been officially diagnosed? This is incredibly important because behavioural changes, especially in a person of your mother's age, could have many causes. Has your mother been assessed by a qualified medical practitioner or not?
Phew. I hate to fire off a whole load of questions but could you go back a bit and explain what happened leading up to your moving in with your mother?
This isn't exactly an AgingCare scenario, not really - your mother's too young, and you and your wife are too young, and it seems to be developing pretty fast, is it? So it's more of a medical/psychiatric emergency. Don't be shy when it comes to calling for help.
She may be aggressive because she is frightened and therefore “fighting back” speak to her in a quiet voice if you are able to put your hand on her shoulder and lean your forehead into hers. This may help quiet her, it works with my dad when he is upset. Don’t argue with her, if she is accusing someone, tell her you will check into it. I highly recommend a website I found early in my journey with dad, it has helped me immensely with suggestions on how to handle him. Alzheimers Reading Room is the name of it.
Please let us know how you are doing.
See All Answers