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My 91 year old mom just moved into a long term nursing facility. She enter short term rehab after a horrible reaction to Abilify. She has dementia and I worry about her care being left to others. What can I do to keep her safe and healthy?

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I agree. My mom had her own room, with a bathroom, and I put pictures up, her wedding picture and family pictures from her home . I brought her chocolate when I came to see her I brought her TV and plenty of blankets and sweaters and flowers and plants. I always asked her if she liked it there, and she seemed to like it fine. She also had a huge window she could look out, the woods were beautiful. All the staff can really do is keep them safe. If they can't do that, I wouldn't have wanted my mother in a place like that. I could overlook a lot, but my mothers safety and well being were very important to me. read reviews and visit. Remember, you can always move her if you don't like the situation.
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At my late Mother's NH, I befriended another patient- a man of 50ish who had recently lost leg and was there for that reason. The staff said "he's doing great." What an outright LIE-HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE HIS PROSTHETIC YET!!!!!"
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Thanks for all the responses! It's nice to know that so far, as a novice to the nursing home business, I am doing all the right things like visiting often and at varied times. I've even gotten my siblings to do the same and report back to me since I am the one that mingles with the staff and administration. Plus, we are blessed to have mom is a nice facility. She likes the staff and I get regular updates from the nurses per shifts in person or by phone - they're policy. If I could have afforded nursing care in my home 24/7 I would have welcomed it! My home was not handicap friendly and just could not afford to fix bathrooms and doors and purchase the equipment needed to make it safe for sleeping and bathing. I'm thankful she's happy and the routine has been awesome for her physical and mental health. She hasn't had a psychotic melt down since she's been at the facility. Again, routine, activities and being around most likely has been keeping her stable in more ways than one. And as per other comments here about being alert and being nice to the staff that work so hard is great advice. I help and I encourage and I praise.
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For anyone who has had difficulty communicating with advocacy agencies, which can be slow to respond to calls and inquiries, I would also recommend as the above commenter mentioned trying your state legislators. Depending on which one you choose to contact, that is. Look at which bills they are sponsoring and that will clue you in. I got very lucky in that respect a while back. I happened to be randomly looking through the news one day and found that a legislator was pushing to get a new law passed that spoke to the exact same bureaucratic issue I was having with this facility where a relative was staying. If nothing else, the politicians can make noise and the facilities into shape up fast. Sometimes that's all it takes, because they listen to those they perceive as being in authority.
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"Members".
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Yes, 24 hour care costs $15 per hour where I live, $10,800 per month. I don't know where you people are getting home car from a professional licensed caregiver for less than that. My mother was bedridden, bed pan and not able to do anything for herself. She had to be changed 2 times during the night. I could not physically take care of her in my home 24x7? No one could and survive alone. I had to place her in a long term care facility and believe me, my responsibility did not stop there. She has her mind, but not her body and that
Is 💯 times worse because she knows what she wants and needs. So, in reality, she gets full time sub par care from them for 7 or 8 thousand a month and premium care and extras from me. Some of these comments to me are from very un informed or very lax family meme bees who haven't seen the real world of nursing facility care and home care limitations.
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LOL apparently the one who posted just 'bring in caregivers' is brand-spanking new to the game!
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Most nursing facilities have posted ombudsmen contact numbers on a board somewhere showing all their certifications and other official documents. If they have Medicaid patients they are inspected by state organizations and if the person is in on Medicaid they have certain rights like monthly doctor evaluations and the like. Fully private homes/ i am not as sure but start with the direcor of nursing and if no change- take it up the chain. raising issues with elder advocates in the region or county or local politicians can also help. As for the comment above about keeping a dementia patient at home- our family found it would be entirely cost prohibitive- it would require pretty much 24x7 care and thats min$20 an hour-plus skill level of the people they send can be questionable. Plus add in food and meds and bathing and paying the house bills and taxes and management of all this on your own = expensive and exhausting. Also there's much more possibility of injury, falls or wandering out, etc in a persons home.
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Who to complain to when assisted living facility serves pizza/chips a lot when they advertise "good nutritional meals and they keep this pervert resident who has sexually harrassed aids just so they (management) can keep room's filled for there bounces?
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I would agree with the others to "change up" your visit times, show up at a different day if you can, different time. My recollection from years ago working in one of the most reputable places in my area was that the staff put on a great show on weekends. What happened on weekdays was not so great. But this was not a usual time for a visitor, so generally that was the time they seriously slacked off. I was on the lowest end of the totem pole so I didn't have the power to say much.

One day, I heard, a long-time resident, nearly 100 years old, decided to use his outdated driver's license. After all, though the license had expired ten years ago at least, and the car he decided to drive wasn't his, would anyone notice? Apparently not, so off he went. Uh oh. One of the employees noted he was missing, as was her vehicle. The police found him across town about a half hour later, and when they asked him what he was doing he said he was "going for a ride."
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Why move her into a care home when she would prefer the familiarity of her own home. Bring in care givers. It will cost one-tenth of the price of care home, she will receive much better care and she will be happy.
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I see many good tips written here. Know that you are needed to watch and be on top of your loved ones care. Often the people caring for them are underpaid and dealing with a very difficult job of attending to many in pain and grumpy, needing to clean up after people constantly, and responsible for many residents. Visit often, know the staff, ask for help in a kind but firm way. ..monitor the cleanliness, medications, clothes, food, temperature in the room, ask about the specific "care routine" written for your person. Check on line...there are many lists of what to look for in a nursing facility...make a copy and review it with the head nurse. Post it in the room...keep advocating ...it is easy for one to get lost and neglected.
I assume all are doing their best, but you have to be on task constantly.
So take care of yourself as well, so you can love your person when you visit as well as see to their care. This can be quite frustrating...a service of love, patience, and persistence to work well with the facility.
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You have to watch everything--make sure you check on your loved one different times of the day if possible.
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I live in assisted living because of my spine - can't walk. I am lucky because I am l00% with it. As soon as I came here, within 24 hours I made it a point to go and meet every single member of management - talk a few minutes with them and sort of establish "a base" line. It worked and does work. Once they know someone knows them, you can be sure they won't mess with you. Naturally, if the patient has dementia, that could be a problem. Then the family members should do so at once. And when you come to visit, occasionally stop by their offices and say hello, let them know you are on top of everything going on. And, if there is a problem and it cannot be solved in an initial win/win type consultation, then put everything in writing. I have won 95% of my issues because of this and have received a great deal of respect from the staff and residents - it works great. Try it and you will agree. If more people would do this, there would be less problems. And when things are going well, go out of your way to express appreciation to the staff - do not just complain when things go wrong.
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You need to visit often, and observe everything that's going on. Is the staffing good, how attentive is the staff, etc. Get to know the staff by name and ask questions. My mother has been at a facility for a year and I've had my share of ups and downs. Its very hard to adjust to this new life but do what you feel in your heart is right. Be a voice for your mother. Good luck and God Bless you as you start this journey.
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From waht I have seen and learned from friends who have loved ones in memory care units or nrsing homes, you still have to pay someone to go be with your mom, maybe 2-4 hours a day, so you can make sure she is being cared for, and at least during those hoyrs, she is getting some attention. You can hire an agency, or pay someone you know who is a PCA or CNA. I am paying out of pocket for my mom to be cared for in her own home, and it is well worth the sacrifice and financial struggle to know she is being loved and well cared for.
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Visit often. Stager your visits at different times of the day. Get to know the staff. Listen to what your mom tells you. Often times residents with dementia will tell you different things that are going on and even if it sounds like they are confused there may be some truth to what they are saying. I had a resident once tell me she was tired of being married. I knew she had not been married in over 20 years so I asked her what being married meant to her. She said she did not want him getting in bed with her anymore. Upon investigation it was found that a male aide had told her they were married so he could have sex with her. So listen to what your mom tells you and asked her questions. Keep in mind the example I shared is an extreme incident but it is important to always listen and ask questions.
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Show up every other day!!! Different times. It is a huge life sacrifice, but a must. My mom doesn't have dementia, but is crippled by RA and is 100% dependent for everything. She has her mind, what I've seen for those who still can walk or move around to bathroom etc. not good. 90% of patients I see 5 times a week, are not taken care of the way they need to be. It is very sad situation, going to get much worse in the next 3-5 years. These places run in a shoestring budget, but are taking down a boatload in payments from private pay and resident cost share and state Medicaid payments. I see a racket that needs to be exposed. Keep a watchful eye, always.
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riverowls: Good point about showing up at odd hours if you have the code to get in the building. You could be right about the diaper, but it's their job! That's horrible thinking about a patient sitting in such a mess!!
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Stop by often. Get to know the staff, from the dining room, to the cleaners, to the aides. Know their names, ask about their kids, ask about their favorite sports teams, make friends with them. Compliment them, but not in a patronizing way. THEY are the ones in the trenches doing the nitty-gritty work of caring for our parents. Show them respect, above all, and if you have a complaint, phrase it diplomatically and tactfully, e.g., "I was wondering if it would be possible..." or "What do you think about...?" I go to my mom's home twice a week. I drop in for a little while on Wednesday, and I go on Saturday to do her laundry and spend a good chunk of the day there. I know all the aides, cleaners, and nurses-- and a lot of the other residents, too. I'm fortunate because the facility where she is is an excellent one. But, above all, show love and respect and you'll get it back tenfold. (I didn't read all the previous answers, so some of this was probably already covered.)
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My sister and son worked for 2 separate nursing home, both quit because they couldn't handle seeing patients abused. My son helped get a large one closed down . Good for him. My sis rescued a sweet lady by contacting her family and told them to come see her after normal hours. He caught them abusing her. Not all are like this but check about complaints online an ask around. Heck, I'd put a hunting camera where they don't know where it is. Shouldn't take long to find out.
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Also not to sound nasty but check your moms private area. They HATE to clean them if she's in a diper. They don't make sure poop isn't up in her hooha etc & getting uti's etc.
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Im working as a CNA in a nursing home as well as having my mom with dementia in one until she passed PLEASE do on the spot checks like 3am etc not just normal visiting hours. LET THEM KNOW you DO show up a;; hours of the night. BELIEVE ME when I tell you ALOT ALOT ALOT of these CNA's do NOT give a rats a** about your mom. They need a paycheck & want their jobs to be as easy as possible. I hate to say that but it is the truth. Your mom is NOT their mom. They will NOT care about her as you do & that is a fact. Don't EVER let them know when your coming. If you can have other family do show ups. They may fuss but they can't stop you from coming all hours of the night. They do NOT own your mom.
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Listen very closely to what everyone is telling you it is vitally important. Make sure you are there as frequently as possible and if possible have a monitor installed in her room or ask if the facility has one in place so she can be monitored daily and throughout the day. Nursing homes should absolutely be the last resort to put anyone as they do have many patients to care for so your loved one does not receive one on one care as they do at home. Be kind to those caring for your loved one, make sure you know everyone treating them and speak to them regularly. Make sure you check to see that they are fully staffed and there is someone to watch over them 24 hours a day, make sure there are women who will change women's diapers, not men. Make sure to show up for meals as they do not have the time to feed them or encourage them to eat. Try to stay involved in their daily lives as much as possible, walk them, talk to them, watch TV with them, eat with them. When signing the contract to admit them make sure YOU DO NOT SIGN AN ARBITRATION AGREEMENT, IF YOU HAVE YOU HAVE 30 DAYS TO GET OUT OF IT. DO IT!

I will tell you that I lost my mother in September of 2014 after just 18 days in a nursing home, so this is very raw for me. There is just not enough you can do to try and make them safe in an environment where there are more patients than staff and everyone is overworked. Be vigilant and be there, that is truly the only way to protect them.
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I no longer tell Mom I'm going home. Makes her think she can go home. I just say I'm leaving now and will see u tomorrow.
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Most facilities will allow you to stay with your wife for a while the first day. If she has dementia, it is best if you can sneak out discreetly instead of saying goodbye and making it more traumatic for her. Put some familiar photo's and a blankie or quilt she loves, near her bed. The first few weeks are stressful, but it usually gets better as soon as they get to know the surroundings and the staff.
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Winter sun hit it on the head. A place is as good as its staff. If ur looking ask some questions. Is an RN on duty or on call most of the time. Is there an LPN when RN not there. Do they use agency CNAs. If they do, not good. May mean they can't keep staff. My Mom had been in her AL since August. October there had been a change with RN and staff. I felt like I was complaining all the time. I was Mom's clothes but I was told no soiled clothing was allowed to be put in hampers it had to be washed in their laundry. I found soiled pants, wash clothes and towels in Mom's bin. Found where they hadn't cleaned up. Her room all of a sudden wasn't being dusted. Sounds petty? I pay for the cleaning. I came in Mom's room and again, a dirty washcloth left in the sink and shower needed cleaning up, if u know what I mean. I washed up the cloth and brought it home. I was ready to clean up the shower (I keep clorox wipes in br and have left a note to that effect) and then I thought...Let the CNA on second shift complain to the CNA on first shift or their supervisor. Things will not be perfect. Have to learn to let some things go. And please, except that there are things they R not allowed to do because of State laws. Yes, having a hand rail on the bed helps so they don't fall out but State laws say no. There is a lot of catch 22s.
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Make sure this facility is "on the up and up," e.g. they may try to pull a fast one on you. They did with my late mother, claiming she was "too well to stay there," but they were DEAD wrong as less than 48 hours after that statement she suffered a stroke there and deceased at the hospital several days later.
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My friend worked at Brookdale Senior Living (Assisted Living) and she said they operated on such a small skeleton staff, it was shocking how neglected the residents were. It was run run run from the crack of dawn, no time no time no time..... That was assisted living, not a nursing home. Just FYI.... My mom had advanced dementia when she went into a nursing home, and it was an awful place, but she was happy enough there (didn't even know where she was) and we were lucky we had an attentive director and good staff. I gave the people on the floor some nice edible goodies on every holiday 'from mom's family' and when they saw me told me mom was doing well and she was an ideal resident! I am hoping they were telling the truth, mom did well there for 3 years before passing away.
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Approach the staff members as partners. Unless you know otherwise, assume they want to provide awesome care all the time. Approach incidents or mistakes as oversights or miscommunications (unless it's dangerous or overtly disrespectful or abusive, of course). It is wise not to assume that staff communicate everything with each other. A million things happen in one shift and it's easy to forget some of them. Expect to have to communicate the same thing with different staff members.

Put up a whiteboard in the room and keep a working pen and good eraser (and cleaner wipes). It's really helpful for communicating with all shifts. If you have nothing to communicate, put a fun quote, message, or Bible verse on it for Mom.

My dad has been in long term care for almost 4 years now and I've used these techniques successfully with his team. The staff at nursing homes have a very difficult job and I want to support them as much as possible.
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