I guess I'll go first with this one.
The thing that stands out the most for me about MIL with alzheimers.......
Everything is ALL ABOUT HER. I could cut my arm off and be bleeding on the floor right beside her and she would worry about who was going to bring her a cookie.
I am treated as" a nothing" in her world.
Then I feel guilty for thinking she's an old battleaxe.
Well that's my confession.
How about yours?
SO POWERLESS, and SO IMPRISONED/STUCK!!!😕😢
And mom's hearing, well she hears what she wants to hear. I worry about her driving, too. She said the other day a man stopped her and asked if she "rides the brake" she told him she has to do that...! Now people have road rage and I worry that someday she might have an attitude with the wrong person, but she doesn't care..Her neurologist wanted her to take a driving test but she refused...That was back in 2010!!! She is a very stubborn woman...Now that's what really bugs me..She complains constantly..I get tired of it and make a suggestion and then she gets mad at me for telling her what to do...So now, I tell her I can't tell her what to do it's all up to her..And she tells me You're no help! Can't win for losin'...But last night she was sitting on her bed I happened to walk by her room and she said she couldn't catch her breath so I got the rescue inhaler and gave it to her...I mentioned she needs to go to the ER but nope, she won't go...She has bad bronchitis, and I hear her in the bathroom now coughing it all out or trying to, but she's getting ready to go to work when I told her last night she needs to be seen. she should file for partial disability and cut down or even quit her job because of her bronchitis hanging on...She has trouble with the steroids..I told her last night to go back to the pulmonologist and she yelled 'well how many doctors do I have to see!!!
So I tried to explain why the specialist and she says to call and make the appt.!!! But then she always canceled...So it's a losing battle..She says the doctors just walk in the room and don't tell her anything so she doesn't know what's going on..But yet when I offer to go with her she says no she'd rather go by herself...Argh!!!!!!! So, that's my rant!!! So, with that being said I just throw my hands up and call it a day....Then I go meditate or listen to the commedien John Pinette on you tube...Then there's the music..Sometimes I just have to throw on some earphones and tune her out...She's safe, fed and watered, and doesn't need anything so then it's me time. Hope this helps and Thanks for reading. So thankful for this site.
no one visited dad but stole all his money.
I now have PTSD from caring for them.
My mom was never a pleasant person, she has always been very mean, demanding, and very much a pampered princess! Now she is in a wheelchair, needs help doing everything, other than feeding yourself and talking! I am the one out of four kids who is they count on. I myself have severe rheumatoid. I try to be there as much as I possibly can for my Dad. So, now the fact that she's mean, and nothing I do is ever good enough, I'm suppose to just look at her and say, "well she has dementia, she can't help it!" She is meaner than ever, and my Dad still jumps at her every beckon call? She is the love of his life! ( although I often wonder why)
I do much much more than any of my siblings to do, and I am there much more than they are, I would call myself a secondary caretaker of her, my Dad being primary. Yet, I feel so stifled, because if I'm not there I feel guilty, and if I am there I can't wait to get home. When I'm there the TV is on full blast, it hurts my ears! And she yells at me and tells me that something is wrong with my ears! She says the same thing over and over again and asks the same questions over and over again. Which yes, I know it's all part of it.
I try to get my dad to get out of the house when I'm there, maybe go out to lunch with a friend, that way he can really get away from it. I know he needs a break. If he's there, she's barking orders and complaining!
She incontinent yet, won't wear depends. I try to keep up with the laundry, changing their sheets, doing the cleaning around their house, making meals and freezing them, so my Dad can just heat them up. The entire time her telling me I'm not doing it right, or to stop that she'll do it later.
So, back to the original question; what bothers me the most? I think the guilt that I feel for not wanting to be there. The resentment I feel towards her when I am having so much pain and fatigue from my rheumatoid, and would love for someone to take care of me just for a moment.
Thanks for letting me ramble and vent!
She said she wanted me to take the service off the phone because she didn't like it and it was costing her too much money. I told her I paid the phone bill and the nomorobo was free. I added that it was me answering the phone since she was never able to get to it.
She just got mad and said that she wanted it off. It was interfering with the calls from friends. I assured her it didn't, but I may as well been barking at the moon. All I could think was that I try to keep her company for a few minutes and she starts a battle. So I got up and left. You can't keep company with a person who acts like they don't like you.
Mother had been diagnosed with alzheimer's, and passed away at 87 years, 2 years---6 months after being diagnosed.
Caregiving is dreadful difficult but We only do it out of pure love and respect, and gratitude for all Mother had done for me throughout my entire Life.
The one thing that used to really p..s me of was the invasion of Family on lookers Who came every Sunday to sit and play with Their new I-phones, chatter among each other while completely ignoring Mother which I thought was terrible disresptful, ( I RE NAMED SUNDAYS INSPECTION DAY ). then I would set the table and pour the tea for all. Mother and I felt a great relief when They had left to return home. Seeing My Family leave with a broad smile of satisfaction stuck to their faces as They felt They had Their duty. God love them. I never expressed to them how I felt, and I was by Moms side 24/7 for the entire time, simply because I adored Mom. We were best Friends, and though I cried my heart out for months when Mother slipped away suddenly but so peacefully without pain, I can feel the greatest peace.
Thanks. Just venting. Aunt Rose is appreciative and thanks me.
It would be nice if there was a section for new threads so the old ones don't keep re-cycling every time someone responds to it.
If I answered 3 years ago, and my answer is the same, should I repeat it? Or do people really go back and read hundreds of answers?
And after a couple of years I noticed I was having more health issues than that of my very aging parents. This can't be right. But the stress was affecting my immune system so I was going down hill fast. I honestly thought my parents would outlive me.