I guess I'll go first with this one.
The thing that stands out the most for me about MIL with alzheimers.......
Everything is ALL ABOUT HER. I could cut my arm off and be bleeding on the floor right beside her and she would worry about who was going to bring her a cookie.
I am treated as" a nothing" in her world.
Then I feel guilty for thinking she's an old battleaxe.
Well that's my confession.
How about yours?
Let me add one more thing that bothers me: Not knowing how to react when mother over reacts.
The irritation stems from her unwillingness to do much of anything for herself. I cook all the meals, do all the housework, all the laundry, all the dishes, all the shopping, take care of the bills and financial matters including getting her life insurance (she's never had any), getting her a medical alert pendant to wear (and paying for it myself), etc. She is perfectly happy to sit in her chair and have me jump and fetch things for her when she wants/needs them - even though she is perfectly capable of getting up and getting it herself. I find myself getting annoyed when she gets up from her nap, because I know the demands will start again.
It's hard to narrow this down to the "one thing" that annoys the most - there are so many - no help from siblings who act as though Mom doesn't exist until Sunday morning when we go to breakfast together - and then they forget about her again; the lack of personal space, privacy or freedom; the fact that I had to give up a home I loved to move in with Mom to take care of her - and the resulting guilt I feel for feeling that way, like I'm being selfish; and the fact that despite my best efforts to keep her mobile and her mind sharp, she is declining slowly but surely right before my eyes. She is becoming more and more forgetful, asking me to repeat things I've said several times, refusing to move around or walk unless I force the issue - and because she's not walking much and is morbidly obese, her muscles and joints are starting to become uncooperative. (sigh)
I find myself cringing when I hear his bedroom door opening or coming through the kitchen door. I find myself having to hide in my husband's and my bedroom, which is off limits to him. My only haven of privacy away from him. I can't even go to church on my own any more on Sunday mornings. He insists on me coming with him on Saturday nights and If I don't he bungs on a " dizzy spell" which miraculously disappears when he gets his own way. My life is no longer my own.
I'm snapping at my husband all the time out of sheer irritation of my father's never ending existence. We were so happy before this.
Years ago, I'd told her my fantasy: that I'd drive coast-to-coast and that she's come with me. She kind of took to the idea. We never did it. Now, we never will.
Still, her health isn't the worst, either. I'm not really complaining as much as feeling the hard and swift passage of time breezing by me.
Feeling like a failure and when the siblings DO come around I wait on them and feel like I'm the hired help. should I bow and scrape or just kneel and wait for instructions?
So, no, you don't sound self-serving and I had to say this twice just to shove it into your head. :-)