My mom is 88 with the beginnings of dementia. She has lost her concept of day and night. $$ on overnight care. I have a full time job and she lives next door to me. I feel so torn, but I want her to be comfortable and happy. I would love for her to be able to remain in her own home. We tried living together, but proved to be extremely stressful for both of us. She is funny and can take care of her own personal hygiene. I would love for her have a companion to take her places and just be there when I cant.
Still, she sounds like she could take advantage of the socialization at this point and that may help her stay more lucid for a longer time. I hope that you'll look around at what is available in your community.
Take care,
Carol
The Assisted Living option went well for my wife for couple of weeks. Then the question of, "when can I come to our house?" surfaced. After two months time she still asked the same question.
After six months in the ALC, the same question was being asked, so I moved her back home, changed my business schedule, hired an additional employee for business and enrolled her into Daily Living Center thinking all bases were covered. The Daily Living Center was just as you described in their services & care. The only detraction was that there was little interaction & conversation among the attendees after light exercises & simple games.
Then I tried an "Alheimer's-Dementia" 24 hour care center. I found out that it was just an expensive experience.
I have modified my scheduling again, thus allowing me to spend time with my wife in her state of mind. She enjoys getting out of the house, socializing with the elements. No more headaches, no more ear aches, have cut her medications. The down side is that now I am confined much of the time in not having a lot of time for me but I do hire outside help occasionally for a break.
The only thing that I would like to see would be that her 4 daughters (all live within 75 miles) would come to visit, send a gift or even a card. On special days & events I have resorted to buying 4 cards or 4 inexpensive gifts, having people sign each of the daughters names to each card, I even put stamps on cards, carry them to post office to have them sent our house so that my wife does not know that her daughters are not in touch, same thing at birthday & Christmas. I like to see the elated look on my wifes face when I explain who they are from, sometimes she says she remembers & on other times she has no recollection. Under handed? Maybe, but I am the receipent of knowing she might have a moment of recollection. I am blessed.
One option for daytime supervision is an Adult Day Health Program. Usually they pick the participant up and return them home. They may offer a simple breakfast and have a hot lunch. Some offer optional services such as help showering, and toenail care. It would be a way to keep have Mom safe and occupied while you work. When you are home, you might consider some kind of electronic monitoring. Ultimately she will need someone in the house with her.
If you can meet her safety needs with her in her own home, I'm all for that! Realistically, even if you arrange for her needs to be met at home now, that may not be sufficient indefinitely (depending on dementia's rate of progression).
You may also want to compare the costs of round-the-clock in-home care vs the cost of an appropriate facility. What can Mom afford? Might she need Medicaid eventually?
Dementia is such a sad, scary, and expensive disease!
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