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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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While I agree in theory that parent should be able to decide when to stop taking meds, doing so without medical knowledge may cause worse problems. So BP meds for example. Without them, will s/he be liable to have a stroke? Not a big, life ending one, but a small debilitating one. One that robs him of the power of speech (meaning, all language, reading, writing, etc.) say. Not a fun existence. You don't say if your parent has a terminal illness. If s/he doesn't, then stopping meds could well make things worse, not hasten death. If there is depression (and it sounds like there is) that should be treated, if your parent is amenable.
I have to agree with all who say let it be her decision. She may be ready to go and although its hard for us we have to accept that. I hope and pray that when its my turn someone who cares for me will let me decide for myself. And I agree with ba8alou. They should know what the meds are for so that they don't cause themselves any unnecessary pain or discomfort. I think for the most part his life just plain sucks. So anything I can do to make him more comfortable is what I do. And as far a cake for breakfast.... ABSOLUTELY! God bless us all.
Maybe calling in Hospice in the next step? Something to discuss with your parent, although it would require a doctor to certify that she's eligible for Hospice. As mentioned in another thread here, you want to make sure that your parent understands what each drug is for; is she's taking something for her IBS and it's giving relief from intractable diarrhea, then she might want to keep that one. If without it, she's incontinent of bowel, then YOU might want to weigh in on that as well.
My mom is 87 and we've discussed this many times in past years. But she has dementia now and no formal directive. Dealing with this is hard in light of other family members.
I also vote that your parent gets whatever they want to eat & drink as often as they want. This is not the time to care about diets or the effects of taking on a bad habit. May as well enjoy as much of what's left as possible! Cake for breakfast!
If my mom didn't want to take her meds any longer, I'd let that be her choice. She's 87 with multiple health issues as well. She's already on 'palliative care' which is, briefly and too simplistically, "just fix what's broke." Sounds like your parent is ready to let nature take its course.
Personally? I would accept that decision. We never know what lies ahead on our final journey. If you insisted your parent take meds, and he/she ended up with dreadfully painful skin ulcers or a broken hip? What have you extended his/her life FOR? Hard question.
Follow your gut. Any decision you make will be the right one.
Thank you, I tend toward the allowing them to do what they want. This is what I would wish for in the same position. I just wasn't sure if I should. I live with and care for this parent so I am aware of all the facts. I just needed some reassurance that I am not crazy.
Well, if this person has a living will or advanced directives, it would shed light on this decision. Maybe they are ready to let go and have nature take it's course, which is a reasonable place to be at 85 with complex medical issues.
What do you do? This is where it gets tough. Some people will say to stuff their meds down their neck by force no matter what to keep them going. I don't personally vote for that. When I decide I'm ready to go, I want to be allowed to go. My answer is to honor your parent's wishes.
Are you able to have a talk or get some communication from your parent about what they want to have happen?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I think for the most part his life just plain sucks. So anything I can do to make him more comfortable is what I do.
And as far a cake for breakfast.... ABSOLUTELY!
God bless us all.
Cake for breakfast!
Personally? I would accept that decision. We never know what lies ahead on our final journey. If you insisted your parent take meds, and he/she ended up with dreadfully painful skin ulcers or a broken hip? What have you extended his/her life FOR? Hard question.
Follow your gut. Any decision you make will be the right one.
What do you do?
This is where it gets tough. Some people will say to stuff their meds down their neck by force no matter what to keep them going. I don't personally vote for that. When I decide I'm ready to go, I want to be allowed to go. My answer is to honor your parent's wishes.
Are you able to have a talk or get some communication from your parent about what they want to have happen?