My parent is giving way too much to charities. How can I stop this?

That's an idea. If Mom wants to donate to the Humane Society, tell her to write a check and you'll take it to your local one. They can always use money to feed and house society's abandoned pets.

I was made POA for two married friends of mine in 2013 and began monitoring their spending. I noticed fairly frequent checks to Consumer Reports and to a magazine billing company. My friend, Jim, thought the magazine billing company was a bill to be paid and he had subscribed to the Economist magazine to about 2028. When I saw a "bill" from them, I could see why he was confused--it looked like a bill. I brought this to our state attorney general's attention and she lodged a complaint to them. They have since modified it a little so it doesn't look so much like a bill, but only if you read carefully. Consumer reports agreed to return the subscription money for several years worth, but the Economist magazine would not. I have since changed my friends' mailing address to mine so I get all their mail and can winnow out the appeals. I have used other charity's self-addressed envelopes to write back to them that no money will be coming from my friends anymore due to the cost of their memory care apartment and that they should save their postage for more promising chances of getting a donation. The volume has decreased a great deal. But, I could only do this because of all the authority my friends gave to me when they made me their POA for their finances and their health care. For anyone in this situation, I would recommend that as the first step to be able to control this. The post office acknowledged the right I had to change the mailing address to mine when they saw the POA form. By that time, I had moved my friends to a memory care apartment, too, so no one was living at their old address anyway. Getting such control can be tricky to do respectfully, but it needs to be done. I was put on their checking account as a signee and I have the check book now to pay the bills. The bank was relieved that I was helping them as my friends were phoning every day to check their bank balances and didn't write it in the check book or savings passbook. I canceled some of the credit cards, too, though there is little to no opportunity for my friend to spend money anyway. I give him cash for his wallet occasionally so when I take him out somewhere, he has options if he wants to buy something or treat me as a way of saying thanks for all the effort on his behalf.

My father was getting the solicitous phone calls, too, and they ended when I moved him to a retirement "hotel" and no one knew where he was anymore. They sounded so nice and personable that he would easily give in and donate money. His doctor has said he should not live on his own anymore and the retirement hotel was the option he could afford out of monthly income. He had his meals included and health care was available on site when he needed it. Due to his personality, moving in with any of his 4 children was not a welcome option. I still feel bad about the path we took, but at the time, it seemed the most reasonable. He was close to his church, friends and doctor, while I and another son lived two states away. We visited him once a month to take him out on the weekend, and to church, etc. and to check on the house. We easily sold it after he passed away, but not until then. We tried taking him back home to visit, but he was no longer interested.

I replied earlier to situation of dad giving to much $$ to charities. There is a Fed. Trade Commission web site--consumer.fte.gov They have several choices to click on to be able to opt out of getting unsolicited mail. Also info if you don't have internet access. Plus info regarding the Do Not Call Registry.
I did change my mother's phone number after her experience with "the nice man on the phone". There seems only so much we can do while aging parents want to remain in their own homes. A good thing--to a point.

I've learned through the years that the Do Not Call registry is absolutely worthless. Solicitors pay no attention to it. They know it's not enforced. Besides, it can't be enforced if calls come from outside the country. I'm on the DNC registry for all phones, but the landline rings with telemarketers all day. Robo-dialing doesn't check the DNC registry.

There is a non profit web site called Charity Navigator where you can search charities by name and see a star system rating given by the site - they have very strict standards. If you then click on the charity you will get information on anything and everything you could ever want to know - what percentage of every dollar actually reaches the cause, do they sell the names of their donors to other charities, what percent of donations pay admin salaries etc. It is a really great site and it did help - a little - showing my mother that not all charities are charitable.

MargaretSMD: Sadly, scammers target elders in a big way through phone scams and U.S. mail scams. These companies whether it be the FOP or American Heart Association target this age group and why? Because they are considered "easy prey," often giving away their last dollar because the organization asked them to! Take over your mother's bank accounts now!

Margaret: I knew one lady who sent away $40-50K in donations because she was addicted to it! Her spouse stopped it cold by setting up a Post Office Box at the Lodi, CA area where they lived.

If dad is competent, there is really nothing you can do. If he isn't, you might be able to put in a change of address with the Post Office and have his mail forwarded to you. You may need dad to sign to make the change unless you have Power of Attorney. I'm sure you can check with your local Post Office...and good luck!

I could write a BOOK about this. It all started with Publishers Clearinghouse (may Ed McMahon burn in H3LL forever), where you just send in just a couple bucks to enter. And the charities. OMFG the charities. You get on a 'sucker list', it expands exponentially, and it goes on and on and on and it WILL NOT STOP. Oh, you think you can put their name on 'do not send' lists, and try stopping the tsunami, but it will not work. 1) Take charge of the checkbook and if they still are writing checks to Save The Cetaceans or Chihuahua Rescue of Podunk, MN, offer to drop the mail off 'on your way home'. 2) Change of address. Let them have a fit, but put in a change of address to have the stacks of craap sent to you to deal with. I was throwing out up to 50 begging letters a week sent to my mother, when she wasn't looking I smuggled them out of the house. And took the mail to 'the post office'. Good luck. It's a real problem and can get very costly.

i've posted in the past about some ways I dealt with these issues as concerned my elderly mother. All suggestions here have merit. Can only find comfort in believing there is a special hell for the creators and keepers of the sucker lists of our vulnerable elders!!!

I'm thankful my father was much the opposite. (In fact he was convinced that some legitimate things were probably scams!) He gave small amounts to a few charities, but when he started receiving phone calls from one of them asking for more, he told them that if they called again, he would quit giving them anything--when they called again, he told them "that's it; I'm not sending anything again" and stuck with his decision. After his death, they called and I told them he was dead, and then when they asked if I would like to "continue the 'tradition' ", I gave them an answer they didn't want to hear.

Some years ago I was giving to a cause I wanted to support, but when I received a letter saying "thank you for your contribution of $X; how about giving us $2X next time" I decided to cut them off right there. I imagine there are plenty of otherwise legitimate charities that try to talk the elderly into giving more than they want or are able to give.

Excellent jacobsonbob! They are thieves and they try to play upon the heartstrings of the elderly! Good for your Dad, my Mom was the sucker of suckers! I even asked her if she felt this would give her extra brownie points when she got to the Pearly Gates, *LAUGHS* I took over and called, e-mailed, etc. telling them she was not longer able to give them anymore and basically bugger off! Now just a few stubborn ones keep sending their pleas in the mail to which I immediately put in the recycle bin! :)

I know I posted previously--but re-reading this just made my blood boil. Mother has religiously entered the PCH for over 60 years. Every month. She has saved EVERY piece of paper that came with every envelope..can you imagine? She refused to let me throw away a SINGLE PIECE of the PCH "advertising", as she believed that when she "won" she'd have to prove she'd entered. Boxes and boxes of this crap. I finally went and purchased 10 large plastic bins and stuffed ALL the PCH envelopes and inserts into them. They are stored in the crawlspace of the house. All labeled "PCH--do NOT destroy"..she when she goes, we can simply empty these bins w/o looking through them. She also keeps every single return address label that comes with pleas for money, along with the tacky notepaper and stickers. Just more garbage. I try to turn a blind eye, but it's near impossible.
I know I COULD go behind her back and collect all her catalogs and request they not be sent---but she loves them so much and loves to order junk from them. Luckily, she's pretty stingy about giving actual money away now, but there was a time...so frustrating!

Midkid58,
With my Mom, it was the Readers Digest! She played that d*mn thing for over 20 years and was just so sure she was going to win. I feel your pain. I tried telling her she had a better chance of getting struck by lightening TWICE, but her answer was, "Well someone has to win, why not me?" However, regarding PCH, I have a tip for you that will solve your problem. I made the mistake of entering online just for fun and what a HUGE mistake!!!! I was inundated with e-mails, crud in the mail, and packages of stuff I never ordered! I just put RTS, I never ordered! So, I had finally had it, I had to do a lot of sluething and finally found an actual phone number for PCH! I called them and demanded they take me off their list PERMANENTLY and it worked!!!!!! I never received another thing. So, there is a way, find that phone number and tell them your Mother is not mentally capable of handling all this and demand they stop sending her stuff. Then, sneak in and get rid of all that PCH stash of stuff and get rid of it! She might freak out at first but she will eventually get over it.

I have made the "mistake" of donating to some charities who apparently sold my name to others and so the mail and phone calls began. I made of a list of who I would donate to and any others I would tell them I will look them up on Charity Navigator to see how they are rated before sending any money. Finally, I just started saying "no" and hanging up. As far as the mail is concerned, it helps keep the USPS in business. I trash it. My younger brother was a postman and I do admire the system and want it to continue. If the price for that is junk mail, I can deal with it--just toss it. Now that I am POA for my friend, all his mail comes to me and the same thing happens. With some legitimate charities he had contributed to before his memory started to fail, I will write to them explaining his situation and ask them to save the money it costs to mail things to him because there simply is none to spare at some $7600/month cost for his memory care apartment. Some of them actually stop. My dad got these calls, also. He didn't get hooked as deeply as some do and all the appeals stopped once he could no longer live independently, but that was back in 1999. It's worse now. Changing the address to you is one way to intercept the junk and good causes pleas. The phone appeals are trickier. They sound so nice and friendly and for some live-alones, it is the only friendly voice they hear. Of course you don't want to disappoint them.
Thanks, Rainey69, for the tip about the phone number and PCH.

No matter how any times I put the phone numbers on the do not call list,, they still call. I cut them off and say we can;t afford to donate. They still call...sigh

Maybe some people wouldn't want to do this, but sometimes when I've answered calls and found they were asking for donations, I'd get them involved in a long conversation and end by saying "no thanks, I'm not interested". When they asked why I got them into a conversation, I just said "I had a little time to kill and thought it would be fun to waste yours, too" They didn't call again. A variation could be "sure, here's my credit card number: 435 -CLICK-" If they call back to say we accidentally got disconnected, I'd just say "No, I hung up on you". A final one is to let them give their spiel and just answer "I don't care!" When these people pester with their calls, I just pretend that they exist solely for my amusement.

Explain that after retirement, elders should also retire their giving.
Someone who will have their money run out in ten years, has no business giving it away, imo. Not as gifts to children, charities, or even tithing.

Then, if they are telling about how they give to the needy, look up in the bible to explain how they just lost their reward in heaven by bragging.

I agree with taking control by having a P.O. Box, but don't forget that address will be on ALL their correspondence you may need to show them.
Try persuasion if at all possible.

One can also investigate online all the charities, their high salaries, the small percentages that actually go to the needy.
Show this to your elder.
Sometimes with enough information, they can figure things out.

Elders, sadly, won't be able to figure things out with more information. It will overwhelm them!

I don't believe they can't remove his name. That is nonsense. Same thing happened to my mom. She would get multiple mailings from the same charity and write them multiple checks. Report them. https://www.scamwatch.gov.au/types-of-scams/fake-charities

Call your local congressman, write a letter stating you want his name removed. Make some noise, they will get tired of you.

Have you had a heart-to-talk with him about budgeting his finances? Maybe he would agree to limit his giving to a specific affordable and budgeted monthly amount.

There is another thing I've run into. My mother belongs to a huge church. She has been going there since the 1950s. My parents always gave what they could afford, but it wasn't a tenth. In the last two or three years my mother wants to give more and more to the church. I want to tell her if she lived 88 years without tithing that God wasn't going to be fooled by a final effort to buy the stairway to heaven. So each month she does do her tithe, but I discourage her from donating more. I feel like such a heathen when I do, but I know she may need it far more than the church does.

I've heard some people have problems with parents sending large amounts of money to TV preachers and even changing their wills to give their money to them. This is heart breaking, since the elders don't even know these preachers, who are usually quite wealthy.

(sigh) Their brains are turning to sh*t. I'm sorry. Their brains are not working properly. It is up to YOU to take over the checkbook if possible, to take the outgoing mail away ('I'll drop it in the post office mailbox on the way home'). It is up to YOU to do something about the stacks of letters coming in - change of address. You can talk and show them things and argue until you are purple-blue in the face, and they will continue to write checks and give away their much needed money to scammers, charities, sweepstakes, begging letters - because their brains are turning to much. Arguing and talking will do squat. This is a real and serious problem. They NEED that money. YOU have to put in a change of address or take charge of the checkbook to save that money. Let them have a fit! It's for their own good. I, myself, could write a book on this subject. It is no joke. There is nothing YOU can do to stop the deluge except take over their mail or checkbook. good luck.

Lassie: I'm sure the OP doesn't want to hear that (cuss) type of a word. Try to be a little less acrimonious.

From what I read, they should remove u if requested. Here's a site that can help give /for-donors/about-specific-giving-guidance/charity-mailing-list-removal/

Now it mentions no call list, Charities, politicians and people u have previously done business with don't fall under DNC list.

I stopped Mom's junk mail by sending it back in the envelope provided if they r paying postage. If not, then I emailed the company. Look at the mail to see if any differences like: J Miller, J A Miller, Joann Miller instead of Jo Ann Miller.

JoAnn: Unfortunately, while we would like to believe your name and address would be removed from a list if you request it, this does not happen. The National "Do Not Call" registry, phone calls, return to sender=a waste of time!

Try blocking the numbers on your phone, also a website called nomorobo will block most robot calls. These have helped me, but these people are relentless. They usually find a way to get to you. I really hate when they use a local number and a name on caller Id so you think you might know who is calling, you answer and you're speaking to someone in India.

Jessie, the excessive tithing is uniquely frustrating.

When my mother was alive, her religious offering was her biggest monthly "bill." Along with a hefty monthly tithe, Mom ponied up for every special fund. Maintenance. Heating/cooling. Religious publications sent to military enlistees. Funds for clergy. Ministry for the poor. Altar flowers. Sigh.

And I'm sure you already know this, but don't hold your breath waiting for the church to extend themselves to your mother. That door only swings one way.

It's a sad thing to witness. For us, at least. For what it's worth, my mom was perfectly content with the one-sided involvement. I think it made her feel important.

I wonder if it would be helpful to some elders to suggest that they leave a nice gift to their church or charities in their will, thus saving their funds to cover their own expenses if needed in the meantime, but still providing the help that they want to do.
They could leave a specified amount or percentage or even all of it, if that's what they want. Maybe then they could answer requests with, "I've made all my charitable arrangements in my will."  It should have the added effect of the callers not wanting to make the donor mad and risk getting cut out altogether.