My mother owns two homes and land that she obviously expects my husband and I to take care of. We have our own home and yard to mow and my husband still works full time. I don't know how to push back on her when she complains about everything "going downhill" and needing work. I suggested a neighbor man and a relative to help out and she threw her little tantrum. We cannot keep up with the work and she controls the money and receives crop money to maintain the property. I am the trustee but she blabs everything to her nosy sisters so I have to be careful what I say and do. They judge me and would think I'm taking advantage if I were to take over her finances. The properties are needing work but I'm 60 years old with a bad back and do the mowing myself. Where does this end?
No is a complete sentence, use it whenever necessary and rinse and repeat as often as necessary. No explanation or further discussion is required.
It stops now when you stop doing the work and release yourself from your assigned role of unpaid servant.
Honestly, just cut her off for a few weeks. When she gets cited by the city or township, she'll have to deal with it, without your help. Who on earth cares what her old sisters say or think. You have no control over what anyone thinks. If anyone brings it up, just say I'm not involved and drop it.
As far as the trust goes, if its irrevocable and you receive inheritance regardless of what you do or don't do, it's silly to keep jumping every time she demands it. You can resign as trustee and still get the funds, they are two separate things.
Take care of yourself and your husband and let the old bat figure it out. It's not worth one more minute of your time and health.
"NO" needs no explanation. Although we always feel as if we need to explain. Explaining just gives way to an argument.
Some time when you are not stressed TELL your mom that you and your husband are stretched to the limit with what you have to do and doing things for her takes away the time you have to do your maintenance.
Inform her she has 2 options.
Hire someone to do the work that you can no longer do.
Sell one of the homes so that there is less to maintain.
Or sell both and she can move comfortably to a Continuing Care Community so there is no more maintenance.
I guess to answer your question....This ends when you say that you can no longer continue and you stop doing what you have been doing. If you don't then you continue to do this until either she dies or you do.