I'm not even sure if I asked this question already but I am so drained and hurt by my mother's accusations towards me. She is saying she is going to tell her doctor that I abuse her and in reality it's always been the other way around mom never liked her kids. I was the one to get the brunt of it she would pull my hair as a child and drag me across the floor saying how much she wished I was dead and I was 4 or 5 at the time. You see she has always been this way. She plays the victim roll very well and is trying to get me into trouble no one and I mean no one in the family will help out with her she is a big ball of negativity! I myself suffer from depression, anxiety and physical just lower back that is and could only do so much . How do I protect myself from her manipulating doctors? Well not all doctors fall for it but my mom is determined to be a victim but yet get her home and she is her true self !!
It's a false belief and it's holding you to ransom. People who are frail, ill or very elderly and don't have children don't die any quicker, and aren't more vulnerable to neglect or exploitation. That is to say, it is perfectly possible for your mother to receive good care, just not provided by you.
Take yourself out of the picture, pretend you don't exist and never did. What becomes of your mother?
What becomes of her is that the people responsible for her - her doctor, her local social services - make appropriate arrangements. And she's fine. And nobody gets sacrificed.
Supposing that happens, and you then put yourself back in the picture. You live your life, plus you get to develop a different relationship with your mother that might even involve her being a sweet little old lady to you too.
You don't have to make yourself disappear. You can make a start by initiating conversations with her doctor, with Medicaid if your mother would qualify, with social workers, with whoever can help you get her placed or get her professional help at home. Your mother has serious chronic illnesses - her "selective memory" might be only selective, but I doubt it, she's ill enough not to need to fake anything - and is getting to the point where she's at risk because her needs have overtaken your ability to ensure her wellbeing. Get yourself some allies!
Is there really no alternative to your being your mother's hands-on caregiver? I'm sure we must have asked you to go through this point before, but remind me what the reasoning is.