My mom (93) had a stroke this morning and is in the nearby hospital. My dad (94) is there with her. I am unable to go be with them because of health issues, but my husband is on point for respite for my dad. We don't know how severe Mom's stroke was (either they haven't told Dad yet or he couldn't hear). They are keeping her for now for "some rehab" and observation.
My SIL, who is a retired nurse, said they may push for a rehab facility, but she says she's seen what "rehab" facilities do for 90+-year-olds, she thinks they're too harsh and that they don't take their frailty into account. She thinks we should all weigh the benefits of rehab vs Mom going home and having home healthcare and not being forced into anything strenuous and "pretty pointless".
I'm not sure what to think of her advice. From conversations my mom and I have had in the past, she's not a fan of rehab homes. She thinks the one her mother was in at age 95 (she fell and broke her pelvis) was awful, and for mom that means all rehab facilities are awful. My grandmother also contracted pneumonia there, from which she ultimately died (in a hospital).
So this is all super premature, but I'm just trying to get my head around what next steps might need to be. Both Mom and Dad are okay cognitively, so ultimately it's their decision, but I feel like my husband, brother and I should be able to help give them all the information they need.
What do y'all think? Should we listen to my sister-in-law and add her counsel to the mix of deciding factors, or are there other ideas than "rehab or go home and be impaired"?
For context, Mom is mostly bed-bound already (she gets up once a day to go to the living room to watch TV with my dad, needs a walker), she has had several compression fractures, a couple of years ago fell and broke two bones in her arm, and she has a slew of chronic health conditions. She's pretty miserable, but also conflicted about letting go of this life. (She's a Christian so not afraid of what happens after, just of letting go.) Dad has been her full-time caregiver for about 2 years, and I am unable to take on that role due to my own health issues.
If the hospital doctor recommends rehab, it could be for speech and occupational therapy. I don't know if you can request that they don't subject her to strenuous physical therapy.
Yes, there other options besides rehab or going home and be impaired; it could be time for her to move to a nursing home. Your father can visit and spend time with her there without the demands of being her caregiver.
You could encourage your father to hire a full time caregiver, if they choose to stay home.
If your family is clear in stating your goals, I don't think the rehab therapists will work your mother to pieces.
It's wise advice, though, to be wary of others' intentions.
Instead it may just be best to let her come home when she's able, with in-home health care aides coming in to assist her as needed so her care doesn't all fall on your dad.
Or if she really is now more compromised after the stroke, it may be best to move her into a skilled nursing facility where she will be looked after 24/7 and her husband and family can just be her loving family and advocates and not her burned out caregivers.