Hi everyone. I stopped working with home health care agencies 5 1/2 years ago to help care for my father. He's gone and I'm now helping care for our mother. I have 5 brothers and 2 sisters. My closest sibling, Susan, has moved in with our mother. She being single and able to work from home is a slam dunk to helping our mother and her staying at home.
She had a bad fall earlier this month-- so this has triggered the need of informing the family and beginning of all around family communication in helping my sister and I and yes, our mother. The difficult issue is that my mother is a private person and doesn't want anyone knowing her business. UGH!
Everything has started to snowball.. meaning 2 of my brother's spouses have texted each other about my mother's fall. UGH(again).
I'm seeking out counsel about having a family meeting. This meeting is for the purpose of caring for my mother and helping out the main caregiver - my sister living with my mother. My purpose is supporting and helping my mother and sister.
I have knowledge, but am asking for guidance, simple answers ie) why my siblings spouses are not to attend the actual meeting, and your prayers.
Our elderly need best care possible while maintaining their independence and dignity- this is a monumental task when it's your own mother of 8 kids.
Much appreciated ahead of time for your personal counsel!
So are both you and your sister taking care of your Mom? And neither of you work? Are you wanting to get paid for taking care of your Mom? You really have lost out on a lot of benefits by not being employed, such as: having your employer pay for your health insurance, adding to your retirement fund, increasing your Social Security benefits, and so forth.
Are all of the siblings going to be at the meeting in person? {EDIT: NO, your siblings' spouses DO NOT need to be at the meeting. Have the meeting some place where the spouses can wait in another room while you and your siblings meet. } Are you wanting ALL of the siblings to VOTE so that you can see how many siblings agree with your Plan of Care for your Mom? What will you do if your siblings do not agree with your Plan of Care for your Mom? Sometimes it is BEST if the people GIVING THE CARE TAKE CONTROL and just inform the other siblings of what is happening. You can get yourself in lots of trouble if you put every decision to a "Majority Vote". There are plenty of postings on this site about siblings who try to tell the caregivers what to do. You might want to look at some of those before the meeting so you know what you might have to deal with at YOUR MEETING.
Who is your Mom's POA? Is it Durable or Springing POA? Who is your Mom's POA-Health Care and does your Mom have a Living Will or Advance Directive? Is your sister a co-owner of your Mom's bank accounts and mutual funds?
How has the fall affected your Mom? Is she needing more assistance than what your sister can give by herself? Are you having to modify your Mom's house to accommodate a wheelchair or other equipment- a Hoyer or Easy lift, hospital bed, add a ramp to the front of the house, add a chair lift to the indoor stairs? Do you need to hire agency caregivers?
People your Mom's age are private because that is how they were raised--you did not talk about anything publicly. (You whispered about it behind closed doors and some subjects were NEVER talked about at all.) So you need to respect your Mom's wish for privacy by not talking about certain aspects of her care or talking about it in general terms only.
So what if "the my brother's spouses have texted each other about my mother's fall"? It is their right to talk about whatever they want. How did you find out what they are texting each other--did your brothers tell you? If so, they should not have told you what their wives are saying. You cannot stop them from talking so "JUST IGNORE IT" (unless what they are saying is untrue or hurtful towards your Mom, Sister or yourself. Then you need to calmly tell them that what they are texting to each other is hurtful to you and ask them to stop.
We really need more information to be able to give you supportive and appropriate counsel.