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Why isn't she being sent to Rehab. Medicare pays the first 20days 100%, 21 to 100 days, 50%. She needs to get her strength back and woundcare can be done there too.

I so would not care for this woman in my home. If she likes brother best, let him care or set up care for her. Your history with Mom shows this will not work.

Let her be angry. My daughter just finished a book called Boundries by Townsend and cloud. The one thing that stuck out for her was
"When you say NO, you are not responsible for how people respond to that"

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"Guilt is self imposed" and "No is a one word sentence"
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Yes, you should have lied... not to her treating doctor as she requested (that in itself is pretty low, placing the burden and guilt at your feet - what if something went wrong? You would be blamed); but you should lie to your mother by saying the hospital/doctor is sending her to [ ... ] for a few days to get better. No argument, no further discussion - it's out of your hands.

Reassure your mother with regular visits as she may be fearing things are being taken away from her control ('They are going to leave me here and then ship me off into a facility!') - such are the machinations of the elderly, particularly when confused after a fall, as realisation of incapacity starts to sink in.

Anger is a response to fear, so don't let it tear you apart; and try to keep a clear line of communication with family to avoid projecting doubts onto yourself - solidarity in the interests of mother's wellbeing will outnumber any of her protestations. You are doing the right thing!
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jacobsonbob Sep 2021
That's an excellent suggestion--and it's actually true.
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No of course you should not have lied to her doctor. It would have been fantastically irresponsible and stupid to do so.

Your mother needs to complete her recovery in the appropriate clinical setting, where professional wound care and therapies are available. Nobody is locking her away, nobody is abandoning her. If she *really* wants to get back to her home, the best way to do it is to work conscientiously with the team at the SNF to ensure she heals fully. Tell her to grit her teeth and knuckle down to it.
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