Following my Mom's dementia diagnosis my siblings received a copy of her will. Mom's "truth" now depends on who she is with at the moment and is easily convinced to do something in complete conflict of her trust and/or last will. I have co-durable power of attorney and co-guardianship with my sister who has only now received a copy of Mom's last will. Mom did not want my sister or brother to have a copy of her will until she passed, knowing they would argue and bager her with her choices. They are now taking things from her home if the items have been bequeathed to someone and they do not agree it should go to that person. My sister has also moved a large amount of money from Mom's bank account to her own. Are these activities just unethical or are they crimes?
Is that about the size of it?
Depleting Mom's assets while she is still alive may make it harder for her to meet her own care needs and if she needs to apply for Medicaid this might be considered "gifting" and result in penalties. So it isn't just about cheating CousinY out of a future inheritance, it is harming Mom now.
As her guardian you have a responsibility to protect her financial interests. If a serious heart-to-heart with your siblings cannot resolve this in Mom's best interests, you need to take legal action.
They are stealing from your mother.
Immediately secure the house; change the locks and take inventory.
Close what remains in the bank account and reopen it, perhaps at a different bank. Make it clear to the bank management why you've had to do this, as you'll expect their cooperation in the hopefully ensuing investigation.
And don't tell the other siblings where you've transferred the funds.
Do contact the police; unauthorized removal of funds is theft, perhaps grand theft, depending on the dollar amount. If this was the sister who's co-guardian, I would think it's ground for removal.
I still don't understand why anyone would breach your mother's trust by relesing copies of the Will. And if you knew about these activities beforehand, or were the person who gave them copies of the Will, you may have breached your fiduciary duties.
I think they've given you a glimpse of what their attitudes are, that they couldn't wait for your mother's death to begin taking what they would inherit.
It's a sad situation, no question, and I can understand your hurt. I experienced something similar when my sister died. It was a real shock and wake-up call. I try to think in retrospect though that I now know what will happen when my father dies, so I have advance notice on how to prepare for and deal with it.
Try thinking of yourself not as a daughter but as someone who's handling your mother's affairs as a professional; make the connection dispassionate, view your siblings as heirs and not siblings. Distance yourself from them emotionally, don't think about them or worry about them. They're going to pursue their own interests regardless. Concentrate on providing and getting quality time with your mother.
Sorry it has to be this way; sometimes families can really be a disappointment.
It's definitely unethical, immoral, and exploitative.
And these sibs are not taking their own inheritance -- they are taking things Mom had designated for others.
See All Answers