My mother is fully ambulatory, just requires supervision for safety concerns. I cannot provide that in her apartment, and Medicaid does not cover that level of need.
She goes downstairs to the main lobby through the fire exit staircase, then sometimes proceeds to walk right out the front door. I understand that having someone watch her every move is not possible, but even still something should be able to be done.
I understand the safety concerns and when I ask them what can be done, they offer no suggestions. We have tried medication but being behavioral issues spurred by the desire to go home, be with family, go shopping, socialize so to speak. I will admit the activities they do are slightly juvenile, and my mother is not at that point. On the other hand, she cannot be left alone since she can harm herself or someone else.
Medications have not altered the behavior. I suggested giving her a benzo or heavy sedatives if that is what is necessary. They cannot do that for many reasons, which I understand.
She is fine with a one-to-one and they have asked me to provide a one-to-one, but I refuse to spend $29-$35/hour for a private aide. They have also suggested specialized dementia communities for those with more social desires and behaviors, but once again those are private pay, my mother has no assets, and I refuse to flip the bill.
So what exactly can be done with such a patient? I am being told I am stuck and the facility is stuck. I refuse to have her live with me, my family will not take her. They have offered help if I take her out but refuse to take any responsibility, and I do not trust them to do as they say they will. If I take her out and they do not follow through, I am back at square one. It was already a pain to get her placed in the first place.
The part that gets me is my mom cannot be the first person that has left through a fire exit. Yet they are making it seem like they have never seen this before.
I worked at a SNF that had resident's wear bracelets that would set off an alarm if they went within 2 feet of the front door. Even with that, the receptionist (who was really the only person in the front lobby) would have a hard time catching a wanderer if she was in the middle of answering the phone, updating the resident roster, accepting laundry for a new resident, guiding the ambulance transport staff who were bringing in a new resident..... you get the idea. Of course that was an expensive system to install but luckily it had been done when the facility was originally built. There might be something that is easier for them to use now that technology has evolved. Would not hurt to suggest it to the facility.
Good luck in your quest
I did request maybe they transfer her to a larger hospital they may have more resources aviabile to them. They tried to get me to take her to a different one. I told them you will not get me to discharge my mom. You guys could provide transport and also could inform exactly why she had to be transported.
Either way I provided her with some entertainment and something she can do with the nursing staff if she is forced to sit at the nursing station. I know they dislike me, especially because one was talking about how they care for their mom. Which is lovely, I have also seen it here. I wish I could do half of what some posters here do, but I just do not have it in me. This would be easier for all parties if I was more of a team player.
Well, this will be interesting to see what they come up with, yes? I bet it still will require your participation in your care. Continue to stand strong! Just think how many would have given in to their bullying (because that is what it is)!
Keep us updated -- you are inspirational!
This is a difficult one. Your mother is not a prisoner. If she wants to go out, she should be able to go out. The job of the facility is to provide somewhere for her to do that safely.
It is also a fundamental principle of restrictions on liberty that they must be as little restrictive as possible and proportionate to the risk they are addressing. Drugging your mother into a stupor because they can't put a keypad on the door or don't have enough staff ready to head residents off at the pass would score them nul points in that respect.
They must know the local/regional market better than any resident's relative possibly could - so, where are the dementia care facilities for people who aren't incredibly rich? What would they recommend?
In any case, they can't just pack her belongings and stick her outside. Stand firm.
Don't you dare blame you for this! Team player be dammed.
Why exactly is dementia not considered a medical reason? I kept asking but they never gave an answer. It appears they submitted her PIR or PRI to many different facilities and she was rejected. They asked if I would be willing to stay with her in the hospital so they can document positive change.
I kindly told them that was not possible. They also tried to tell me they would help me even it I took her home temporarily. Just as a poster told me they would try. I also kindly rejected that offer.
One point that gets me is many posters have painted thus hyper willingness to administer drugs. I have told them if they need to use stronger medications to relax her I am all for it. I wonder why they are being so careful with medications with my mom. Are they afraid because she is still able to articulate herself. At this point they are making her and their life harder.
I have brought up locked down facilities, but it appears she has been refused since she has already escaped from one lock down facilities. To my knowledge no facility is able to lock someone in their room and she is still mindful of her surroundings. It appears a nurse put in the code for eating area they had. She went in and took some cake because they were talking about it and she wanted some.
You are correct in not believing they will do one single thing to help you if you take her home. Won't happen. (Curious about what kind of help they said they would provide...???)
I understand not having her live with you or pay for her care. I am in the same boat. When mom gets to the place that she cannot live alone anymore, she WILL NOT live with us and we cannot pay for her care. I do know that in order for her to be placed so Medicare will pay for an allotted time, she has to be admitted to the hospital for an "incident" (fall, UTI, stroke whatever) for 3 days, then a placement will be found for her.