My mother went to a rehab facility after hospital stay. During her stay she had chest pains and went to the ER. They found 3 blockages and fixed them. She then went back into the rehab facility/SNF. She was supposed to be discharged Wednesday. My father went to the facility and agreed to private-pay for a month. However, he did not return with payment and is not returning their phone calls.
I spoke with him yesterday and this was what he said
His attorney advised him to not pay and not to have contact with them.
The facility would have no choice but to keep her. He also asked me not to have any contact with the nursing home and if I did not to tell them anything.
My father has been her caretaker for the last year-and-a-half due to a leg amputation. He wants to put her in a nursing home permanently so he does not have to care for her any longer.
He has been working with an attorney to separate the assets and whatever else needs to be done legally so that Medicaid will pay for her to be in the nursing facility.
All legalities should be finalized next week.
My mother was okay with staying another month so she could get physical therapy with her leg.
As of yesterday, she is extremely frightened and scared of what's going to happen to her because they have not heard from my father. Because of the unknown, and his lack of response, now she wants to go home.
Basically he is not going to pay and just left her there.
I also have a power of attorney for my Mother's medical and financial.
My question is:
What are the options for the SNF if he doesn't make the payment today and he refused to tell them anything? Which I already know, he will not. From an SNF standpoint what happens to my mother?
Are they legally obligated to keep her? Do they contact legal officials such as social services etc?
If pick her up and take her to her home, well that make me legally responsible for her care?
Once all the legalities are finalized early next week, and if she is home and does not want to go back once Medicaid is setup to psy. Can he force her to return to the SNF against her will?
If not, what happens if he simply leaves the house and refuses to care for her?
I realize I have lots of questions, but if you could give me the legal answers to the above I would appreciate it.
Should I inform the SNF that he has been advised by his attorney not to make this payment and all legal paperwork will be done early next week so Medicaid will pay? Are they legally responsible to keep her if I tell them what's going on?
What options does the SNF have if no one picks her up today?
Is there an organization or person that I can speak with that can advise me on what to do?
Thank you
When he met with the facility, I’m sure they pressured him into agreeing to pay for the month. Once he got out of there, he may have realized he needed a long term plan and consulted an attorney. I agree with the posters who encourage you to talk with your dad if that’s possible. I don’t understand the posters who are anxious to see that your mom get her share of the marital assets. Anything she gets will disappear VERY quickly to pay for NH care. Unless your dad has been abusive or neglectful of your mom, I would encourage you to do what you can to ensure that he is financially protected as he seeks appropriate care for your mom. You say he’s cared for her for the last year and a half. Based on my own experience, I’d bet life with her got pretty challenging for him LONG before she was diagnosed with dementia. My husband and I went to marriage counseling more than once before I realized he had cognitive impairment. Friends from my support group said they had the same experience. Long before you identify the real problem, you wonder why your loving spouse has become so self-centered. To others, they often seem fine for years, when the person who lives with them is going crazy at home. One reason they seem fine is that their spouse is taking over so many tasks they used to handle and helping them in so many ways. In my situation, my husband became an incredibly cheerful guy without a care in the world, while I got more and more stressed, snappish, and negative.
I definitely agree with the posters who tell you not to take your mom home. Once she’s home there is zero incentive for anyone to help you find a suitable alternative and, if you haven’t done it, you can’t possibly know how difficult it is to care for someone. You won’t be able to leave your house without having someone there for her. I now pay someone to come for 4 hrs (the minimum) once a week so I can get out. Unfortunately, this I usually spend this time grocery shopping. The isolation of caregiving is debilitating all by itself. I’m lucky in that we can get out with friends once or twice a month since my husband is not physically disabled. You may not get this luxury with your mom.
I think it would be better to tell dad you understand that he's tired and you're willing to help him with placement (if no one else is stepping up to the plate) and that you would like to go w/him to the attorney so you will understand what the end goal is for the finances and nursing home payment. -- You need to know this anyway, in the event something happened to dad during this whole process.
Two choices - you take care of mom (and ask dad for her share of finances to do so) or you get on board with dad to put her in a facility. Perhaps even a small private elder care home if finances allow.
That said I am suspect about there being a way to shelter more than half their assets but then again I don’t know the ins and outs of your state or how long either your dad or both mom and dad have been working with this attorney to prepare for just this situation. Your dad knowing he can no longer care for his wife at home doesn’t mean he is “dumping” her or doesn’t care anymore, he may Even be in a tremendous amount of emotional pain feeling guilty but this is what he has been advised to do by the professional he put his trust in. It may even be that he’s carrying out the wishes your mom expressed to him before her situation got so bad too and one of those was that you not be put in the position of making these decisions, you never know. If she is competent you as POA can carry out her business on her direction, if she is not and your POA is either durable (and meets any requirements for that outlined) or springing you can act on her behalf but really what you need is to understand from this attorney what the plan being executed actually is and then go from there. I wouldn’t be acting against Dad or making assumptions about his motives until you have more of the facts than he seems able to provide, wether that be out of guilt or inability due to lack of understanding.
Just my thoughts based on my experience.
You are getting into tricky territory if you insert yourself in the middle of this.
Keep in mind that the people who care for your mom are separate from the people who run the business office of the nursing home. You, of course, can continue to visit her, discuss her care with the staff, make requests on her behalf... But, I would NOT get involved in the plan that your father and his attorney have in the works.
If you pick her up, you take responsibility for her. You would solve the nursing home's problems, but would likely start friction with your father and commit yourself to your mom's full-time care. That is a BIG job, especially for someone whose health is as compromised as your mom's sounds.