My 57 year old daughter wants control of my money.
I live alone, she doesn't want me to have a car, she will take me wherever I want to at her convenience. Is long suffering while she is being a wonderful daughter. I can't buy a dollar item without being told put that back you don't need it. She buys clothes for me and shoes rather than taking me shopping. We had a wonderful relationship I thought, as my friends died off it seemed wise to move close - not with, Thank God. My mind is great, I still play bridge on the computer, do puzzles every day, play cards at any opportunity. I lent a person some money. I and my husband both did this when he was alive. She is convinced I am being scammed, She is possibly right, I've had doubts and hired a detective, checked with FBI and other agencies. I told her I would stop sending money and in thanks she filed for guardianship. My cost in this matter is unbelievable. I don't pay anything THEY use my money to pay my lawyer, her lawyer, my sons lawyer, a doctor $500.00 mental exam and two mental health nurses. Who knows what they will charge. This is cruel and unnecessary.
he had become very good at parroting responses to me over the phone to satisfy me but in real life things were a shambles. He lives with me now and still at times thinks he’s Superman and will be going home any day now to resume life as it was. For a long time I’ve just had to humor him but also manage every detail of his life since he can’t even figure out how to change the channels on the TV anymore. When he is talking to a doctor or someone like that he can act like things are just peachy, but if they
start asking him things to test his memory he goes ballistic. I’m not saying this daughter isn’t doing anything wrong but I also know that people with dementia often think they are just fine when they aren’t.
Are you going for a Neuropsych evaluation this week? My mom's evaluation was with a Neurologist, Neuropsychologist and Psychiatric Nurse Practioner (so yes, 3 medical professionals working together to look at her thinking, reasoning and behavioral skill, along with her emotional state) The whole thing was covered by Medicare.
This resulted in mom being told that it was unwise for her to live alone any longer; needed changes in diet, more socialization and more consistent access to others who could help. (No more panicked phone calls to us about burned out light bulbs).
Hoping for a good outcome for you and your family!
Its my independence that keeps me going. And I truly feel God still has work for me to do.
AND....this is important.
This is ONE side of the story. There are usually 3 sides to any story.
Lonlyandold has 1 story
Her daughter has another story
Somewhere in the middle lies the third...and possibly the truth to the story.
So while this may be on the up and up.. I feel like maybe the DD is trying to do her best to help Mom. I know from most of the posts here I will not be popular, but I stand behind this..
Good luck. Enjoy your life and be happy. Setting up a "Trust" and all required documents will give you peace of mind as well as reign in your daughter.
Its the trust that gives me trouble.
Too smart daughter filed for guardianship just before check was cut and it is now in the lawyers trust account.
Tell her you appreciate her watching out for scams, but you want to be more involved on things that are purchased for you
My mom has a big heart and donates to things meaningful to her and that’s great but they pass names and address along to a million other organizations.
Read what happened to my mom’s neighbor below your posts. She bought her own plot. Had her own headstone too. A horrible neighbor that she trusted had her cremated and placed her ashes in the garden at her home.
She had no family. She wasn’t married, never had kids.
The more I'm in this senior time of life, the more the true realities sink in... including being invisible.
Thank you for caring for this woman. You’re very kind.
The elderly are vulnerable. Sometimes those who take advantage are strangers or people that are involved in their lives, children, other family members, neighbors, etc.
My mom’s neighbor was a lovely elderly woman that I knew since childhood. The woman across the street took advantage of her. This lady had a cemetery plot that was paid for in the Jewish cemetery. She had plenty of money to have everything taken care of.
The woman across the street had the woman cremated and proceeded to pass out spoons to each of the neighbors to scoop out the ashes to place in the woman’s garden. My parents could not participate. They kept thinking of how Elizabeth wanted to be buried, not cremated.
She took control of her house, stocks, bonds, etc. She even emptied out her house and had a garage sale!
The lady had no family alive to fight for her. It was awful. She died without any of her last wishes being carried out. She was in sound mind, no dementia at all. It’s a terrible shame that people can abuse the elderly without giving it a second thought.
I can’t say what is what regarding the OP but in my mom’s neighbor’s case it was truly sad.
I am aware that court costs can be paid out of the principal's assets, but there has been no explanation as to how they have tapped into mom's money... We can only hope for an update in this saga...
This story is lacking too much information to know what is truly going on.
Regardless, I wish you well. Sorry things are not going well for you and your daughter.
Nothing wrong with that, some people do like to approach things from the viewpoint of the person they're concerned about; but anyway whoever posted I wish s/he'd come back!
I don’t think —with the information you’ve given—your daughter has a chance in hell of getting guardianship but I do find it concerning that somehow you’re footing the bill for her legal fees to try to do so.
after Some medical issues my parents and I finally came to the mutual agreement that I become POA so I could help make decisions on their behalf. I need to sell their home, clean out the hoarding etc.
we don't have enough information from the other side on this situation. I did not swoop in and treat my parents as if they can’t make decisions on their own. I try to make sure they are as in control of their life as humanly possible. Communication, patience and respect has allowed my parents and I to get along and has allowed them to feel that I didn’t just swoop in and take over their life.
The only thing that could be done is another doctors evaluation that would state the first one is a misdiagnosis. And good luck finding a doctor that would do that. Then it would be paying another lawyer to take this to court.
We usually find there is a back story which helps us understand more about what is going on.
Like Barb had mentioned, which the daughter could come on-line to give us a better understanding of the situation.
I am a daughter who is concerned about my parent's spending. Dad is a hoarder, he truly does not need that item that costs $1 or $500. Yes, Dad just bought a $500+ chainsaw. Never mind he cannot lift it. Nor that he has three smaller and many larger chainsaws already.
Are the friends your dd does not want to to see ,the same ones you are loaning money to? Who are they? Are you ware that if you are in the USA, you may not be eligible for Medicaid funding in the future if you need it? This would place a huge financial/care burden on your children.
Why does your dd not want you to have a car? You say she offers to drive you where you need to go. I know my Dad passed his driver's medical earlier this year, but it scares me that he is still driving. If you walk around his car or his old truck you can see the bumps and dings where he has bumped into things, not the other way around.
I had a neighbour who could still play a mean game of bridge and did most days at the seniors centre, but could not tell the difference between boys and girls after her stroke.
On the other hand she could be someone who wants to control your life for reasons that have nothing to do with your capacity.
You can also petition for someone of your choosing to be your guardian, it doesn't have to be one of your children.
I hope that whatever is in your best interest happens for you.
Lonelyandold, If my parents had been more computer literate, years ago, this post could have been written by them. After many years of trying unsuccessfully to help them with one bad, financial decision after another, my siblings and I had to take over total control of our parents’ money. They were tens of thousands of dollars in debt without the ability to pay it, and were about to lose their home. Luckily, we did not have to go the guardianship route because we were finally able to convince them that they couldn’t do it anymore (actually, my mother never did admit this, though she did give up the purse strings). We did this for them for many years, using their money to pay their bills, keep up the house, and pay for professional caregivers. As their needs increased in the later years, all the children contributed extra money for home repairs and more home health care. I can’t even imagine what would have happened to my parents if we had not stepped in. I guess they would have become wards of the state. As it was they were able to stay in their home years past the time they became eligible for a nursing home.
I hope you come back to give us more information. We do care.
But along with all the changes came his feeling out of control completely of his life, when in fact he has managed all his life so well.
I think there could be some things you could do, speaking to your daughter. I know you likely appreciate all she is trying to do to safeguard you; people have lost 1,000s of dollar to scams. The scamsters are VERY clever.
If you sit with your daughter could you tell her that while you love her and so appreciate her protection you now feel that you cannot go to the dollar store without her OK. I was able to set up an account for my brother that is all his. It has a sum in it that will be added to as he spends it down, as needed, and it leaves him in control of when he would like to go on a tour, go out to eat, go to the dentist and etc.
I hope you can come to a happy agreement. I know you are happy to have her, and without her your future could be so much more uncertain. But I also know how it changes a relationship from "little sister" and "big brother" much as it would "Mom" and "daughter". There are times the role-reversal fears and feelings are so uncomfortable. Do just know it is all about love. Gently explain your feelings; I hope she will be receptive.
Until there is more information, I think Gladimhere gives good advice.
Why did you go for a “mental exam”?
Have you been forgetting things recently or getting confused on certain routines?
Has anyone mentioned they’ve noticed you are acting differently lately?
What did the exam reveal? Or what did the doctor say?
What role do the 2 mental health nurses play?
Has a doctor prescribed a new medication lately (possibly for dementia)?
Are/Were you getting confused writing checks and paying bills?
Were you getting late notices from credit card companies or household monthly bills?
Can you record (and understand) all the transactions in your check register?
Why do you, your daughter and your son all need to pay lawyers?
Do you have trouble completing a full shower?
Why did you move closer to your daughter?
What is your response to your daughter telling you you can’t buy a dollar item?
Did you ever drive? And why don’t you drive now?
If you have doubts that you are being scammed by someone, why haven’t you cut it off previously?
These are just a few questions you should answer so we can get a better idea of what’s going on.