What do you get your loved one for Christmas?

Oh I fully could have guaranteed you were in an apartment Alice. There is not one jot of fragility in your writing - Id have still come and got ya though. No one should have to spend Xmas alone

Janrus, good suggestions on the magazines. My father is fond of Farm and Ranch, Reminisce and Country - the stories bring back memories and the photos are soothing. Reiman Publications, which publishes these magazines, also promotes special books on similar series, such as homefront tales of how people adapted during WWII rationing, etc. They could be soooo creative!

ADCaregivers, well said, and so true. I would never consider even looking at a website when it is, as you write, "pimped", on a caregiving forum. EaseLiving even states she's engaging in a "bit of self promotion."

The terms of use are clear - no advertising.

Cat thats not my grandma thats my Mum - I am 62 she's 93. I have to work incredibly hard to get her to do anything at all to be honest but I keep giving it a go and she will eventually play ball as it were (only because I keep nagging if not). I have learned well from her - I now know how to nag perfectly!

This year I am getting my Dad one of those Day clocks there it points to what day it is. Dad can't keep track of the days which is understandable as each day seems like the same. I had to search for one of those Day clocks that didn't include a regular clock because 3 hands on the clock face would be confusing. Thankfully I found one :)

When my mom was in IL the lady a few doors away had a "clock" that said the date and day of the week. It looked like a regular clock with hands - not digital. The lady had it hanging out side her door and I know several residents, along with my mom, relied on it to keep track of the date/day. I'll do an online search for one - unless anyone here knows where I might find this?

Mum still enjoys reading, so we give her lots of books. She's going through some dental issues recently; she had a good laugh at the stainless steel straws we got for her at Christmas last year.

Must have been typing when you made your post, frequentflyer. Where did you find the clock, if you don't mind?

My 91 year old Dad loves to listen to old music from back in the "good old days." We have bought him a broad range of CD's...anything from Johnny Cash to Frank Sinatra. And, the "Best of the '40's, '50's, 60's" He seems to really enjoy these because he can remember some of the lyrics.

I made a calendar using family photos--there are plenty of online sites where you can do that. My mother loved it and she got to see it every day, reminding her of her family.

If you have apple macs they have an app that will do that

You said they don't come and visit. If it is not too far for these people, tell them! How about a visit with your mom..... if she likes fruits or home made cakes or a special tea or whatever, let the people know. They can bring something small when they come for a visit. If mom is like my mom was, she really didn't need anything. Other than visits from family and friends.

When my Mom was alive we would get her things like warm socks, scarf for when we took her out, sweaters, fleece blanket, gloves, hat, pictures, a book about France (where she was from), cookies, small picture album with pictures of family, a small Christmas tree, hankies, purse size packages of kleenex, chocolates (she had an unending sweet tooth), new hair brush, emery boards, her favorite perfumed dusting powder, a small stuffed animal, nail polish (I did her nails once a week), hand cream, body lotions, nice soaps, picture puzzles that we would do with her. I would get smaller puzzles so we could do them in one sitting. If they like cards, dominoes or checkers then those are nice gifts also.

Mostly I think they like to have your company more than anything else. When my Mom no longer knew who I was I would just sit and hold her hand and talk about memories of my childhood.

If you have an IPod you can load it with holiday music or music your loved one will recognize.

Hope this helps.

Meatjeanne I couldn't agree more. Mum has a myriad of 'friends' at the church. every week she makes donations which I think are steep. Twice yearly she makes donations that are more than I get for caring for her in a month. Once a year she gives twice that amount to unfortunate people abroad. Then we have the cakes ....oh Jude won't mind making 96 sausage rolls and two carrot cakes Jude can make 48 scones Jude can do this that and the other but she pays for the ingredients etc. She also pays for the church flowers three times a year.

Now she has been doing this for a long time so I have to wonder when apart from one person who takes her to church and brings her home - I really can't fault him (OK so we pay the petrol but he still doesn't have to do it) - that no-one - not the minister, not the other church members, not one of her friends has visited. Most don't even bother to phone less send a card and she wonders why they piss me off.

However they feel absolutely free to criticise and they will pick up the phone to tell me what I am doing wrong (and mention the p word (privilege). I just want to scream at them - put up or bloody shut up. there are over 100 members of that church if just one of them visited her once a month that would be once every 9 years and they can't even manage that - disgusted doesn't come close

Another thing I plan to get my Dad [94] is a small size 5x7 "white board" where he can jot down things he wants to tell me when he telephones me. One white board will be for his recliner, and another at his desk. I just wonder how long it will take him to misplace them :P

Ooooh ff about 24 hours if you're lucky!

My in laws have moved in with my BIL and SIL.. and so they give me the task of finding "flat bed pillows"! But I did it!! And they love candy so I found a HUGE box and wrapped that. Also some gift cards to restaurants. A bath gel for MIL as she now has a bath aide 3 x a week...Hubs is in charge of his dad, got him a dvd set on WW2 so far.
My mom moved in with us 2 years ago, and inherited our comforter, etc in her room. So for Chirstmas I had her pick out a new comforter set and some curtians. She said she will feel like she is sleeping in a hotel, she is thrilled! She kept refusing to do this, but now she is so happy she did. Hubs got her a dvd set of John Wayne movies, and some jigsaw puzzles ( they do them together)
Daughter is getting both Moms gift cards for mani pedis.. SIL take MIL for them and FIL gripes about the cost.. but I don;t blame SIL at all.. no one wants to do someone elses nails....more so if it;s not your own mother!

I was going to answer, but all my suggested gifts were already posed by everyone. Ma has been living with me for over 2 years and needs nothing. I quickly got on my emails to family and invited them to make a donation in her name to her adult day care she attends. I have no room even in her room for trinkets. Good luck everyone. MERRY CHRISTMAS.

The best thing to give your elderly relative is your service. By that I mean they need their trash taken out, frig cleaned out, windows washed, etc. The LAST thing they need is one more trinket to dust.

Maybe a bird feeder outside a window and lots of feed. Meet the squirrels enjoy it too as they are very entertaining. Maybe a sachet for closet or drawer. My mom needs a new brush

Pamz nice idea - As we are moving I have just managed to get two comforter sets (Do you know its cheaper for me to buy from JC Penney and have it shipped than it is to buy the same ones at home? MADNESS) in two totally different colours with curtains to match. Got one in deep orange russets and browns for the winter and one in pretty pale pinks blue and yellows for the summer. As we will have neutral walls and carpet the changes will be easy to enact). Sad as I am I even managed to get lampshades in the same tones and contrasting tie backs . I am now intent on finding the curtain tracks you sue over there - they are far superior to ours so the hunt is on!

you use over there not sue^^^ grrrrr

Fruit baskets made a nice gift for fruit lovers.

GardenArtist: I like your response about what to get your loved one for Christmas. I know that taking him for a ride may be a little sad for him/you, but go anyway while he can still do this. I couldn't take my mom anywhere when she entered the nursing facility. She was in such a bad way, it was not possible. Enjoy the ride and the memories it brings. I also could use some body parts! Getting together with family members, not gifts, is truly worth more than anything. The gift of time can never break, it's never the wrong size, and is a special treasure. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and God bless.

We live in Maine - rather frigid here at night. My sister found a heated mattress pad for our father's bed...he'll love it. Some of the items Santa is going to bring him are: up-to-date thermal underwear (ILU the old waffle weave), WARM socks, warm pajamas (his winter pjs are 30 years old and look it), a couple of books on the underwater demolitions team history, two balsa wood airplane kits, an electric shaver (he hasn't tried one since 1962) and have put together a lovely little photo album of pictures from his recent trip to FL (I think it would be good for recent family photos, too). Then there will be a bunch of stocking stuffers (I made him a stocking to hang with ours).

ohJude -- you don't say how old your Mom is but I've found that it's next to impossible to rack my brain to think of what to give to my 86-year old Mom. At this point in her life, she HAS everything she needs. You're profile indicates your Mom has Alzheimers. Does she even WANT anything? Does she comprehend the gift-giving process anymore? I know we as daughters want to give actual gifts to our elders but these past few years, I've noticed it becoming more and more difficult to find an appropriate gift for my Mom.

I've given her all the lotions, potions, foot cream, sweaters, clothes, etc. etc. The sad truth is that she doesn't even use them. She wears the same 3 or 4 old outfits all the time. She is the queen of mail order catalogs. Her house is stuffed with "stuff" that my brother and sister and I have given her over the years. It's bordering on hoarding, really. I've begged her to let me donate some of this "stuff" but she cries like a stuck pig at the mere suggestion of giving her "good" stuff away. Yeesh.

If you can believe it -- my brother actually gave my mother one of those countertop NuWave air ovens a couple of years ago for Christmas. I mean, WHAT was he thinking???? She hasn't cooked in at least 15 years and HE certainly doesn't cook!! She can't even operate a push button microwave oven! So there it sits --- still in the box brand new --- on the floor in the living room. Three years -- THREE YEARS on the living room floor stored in a corner. Never moved.

So now every year I get my Mom a gift certificate to the hairdressers to get her hair done. Also, I strongly suggest to our small family to get her SMALL gift certificate amounts to places (restaurants) where she likes to eat (my brother has been taking her out to eat because he can't/won't and has never cooked for himself all his life). I suggest several SMALL amounts because let's face it, she just doesn't eat alot anymore.

Those type of gift certificates are really the only practical thing to spend our hard earned money on anymore. She/they have to eat and at least I know she'll use these gift certificates (she still goes once a month to get her hair done -- wish it was weekly).

I've adopted the motto of "enough stuff" going forward in my life. I am looking at my elderly in-laws and my Mom's houses that they've lived in for more than 50 years. They are stuffed to the rafters with crap -- stuff that they just won't get rid of just "in case" they may someday need it. I realize it's just that generation's way of life (they were born during the Depression) when you just didn't throw anything away. I cringe at the thought of having to clean out these homes when they pass. It will be a monumental job!

During the past 8 years since my Dad died, my Mom has been ordering useless "crap" from catalogs (Miles Kimbell, Walter Drake, etc.) and the stuff is STILL in their original packaging. Or she insists my brother drive her to the Dollar Store to pick up a few things (more crap). It's endless. Thankfully (and sadly), as her reasoning/cognition/mobility is getting worse, she can't fill out the order forms and mail them in or go out "shopping" as frequently. So the influx of crap into the house is slowing down some.

Now the mailman brings 2 or 3 mail order catalogs daily. My brother lives with our Mom and he retrieves the mail from the mailbox. I wish he would just throw away the catalogs before she ever sees them, but he's been a "mama's boy" all his life and dutifully brings her the mail every day. Now I go over there and there is literally a foot high pile of newspapers and catalogs piled next to her on the sofa -- catalogs she's yet to look through.

"Mom, can we get rid of SOME of these catalogs? You have many duplicate copies of them. Can we recycle these?" NOOOOOOO, she screams. Don't throw out MY stuff. It's so sad really. Those catalogs are all she has left to link her to the "outside world". Her world is sitting all day, watching TV, possibly going out to eat occasionally (lots of times she's eating TV dinners).

I don't want to live to be 90. It's depressing to think about how small your world will get.

Help2day - I totally get the mail order/outside world connection. I had an aunt who was crazy as a March hare - even before old age did its damage. She lived alone way out in the country atop a hill - owned all the property surrounding her. Life had kicked her butt around the block more than her fair share. The conditions she lived in were beyond deplorable - and she was a hoarder before it was fashionable - had over 30 German Shepards at one point. Anyhooo - after she passed my mom, brothers and I had to clear out her "stuff". All her worldly possessions were stored in large metal garbage can - to keep the critters out - there were close to 40 of them. In a good number we found brand new cloths still in the plastic - ordered from Eddie Bauer. Sweat pants and Henley tops mainly in random sizes. There were hundreds and hundreds of them. This woman had completely isolated herself from the world - this made no sense! I think it was her only link left to the outside world - she could talk to someone on the phone - a polite non threatening stranger - then the bonus of receiving a package!

My mother - 82 - doesn't want my brother or I helping her with her checking account. Since she refuses help, I told her I am getting her a daily calendar for Christmas, like I get myself and my her boyfriend, where she can write down which bills to pay and when. I told her I would usually pay bills ten days before they are due. She also doesn't total the columns often enough and I am also buying her a simple calculator so she can total up the columns each time she writes a check. She has been forgetting to pay some bills and a missed dental appointment cost her $50. I told her she can also use the calendar to remember appointments. I hope this helps her with those difficulties. There are other problems but I won't address them at this time so I can stay on the subject.

This is for those of you whose parents are older but still functioning pretty well. My grandmother used to love getting prepaid calling cards, they allowed her to chat with long distance relatives without having to worry about the cost.

Since I clean mother's place and it is crowded with useless tchotchkes and tons of stationary and body sprays and lotions--I told everyone who "gives" to her to keep it to gift cards to the restaurants she likes. That way she can treat the friends who drive her places to a nice meal---or if they are pre-loaded Visa cards she can do her beloved catalog shopping with them. Fixed incomes make for tight times and these gift cards go a long ways to helping her out financially.

I did find my mom a great clock. It's about 8"x6" and digital. It clearly spells out the day, complete date and am or pm. No abbreviations. Mom is obsessed with her paper calendars - one on the wall and one always at her fingertips - but since she doesn't know what day today is, it's a constant frustration for her - and me! I only wish I had found this clock back when she was in IL - it could have reduced the number of times she'd call me in the middle of the night to ask whether it was 3:00 in the morning or in the afternoon.