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He has fallen out of the bed twice (once a piece of furniture broke his fall and it also broke) and has fallen in the bathroom (supposedly an assisted fall with a respite caregiver) where he cut his head. He has had a few other falls in the distant past and he's just fortunate that he hasn't broken a bone or worse. My husband and I actually sleep in the same bedroom with him at night but he will wander into the bathroom by himself, citing that the alarm makes too much noise and he doesn't want to wake us up. From experience with my husband's parents (and general knowledge), we know that it is just a matter of time before he has a more serious fall if he continues to refuse assistance from home safety tools available to him and from us. We'll ask hospice for the alarm step pad but he will probably reject that too. He does accept help during the day and has moderate cognitive impairment, which can complicate the matter. He willingly uses his walker. His reasoning is that he does seat exercises a few times a day so is building enough strength to avoid needing help!

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Get him a urinal and/or bedside commode so he doesn't have to walk to the bathroom at night. Have him sleep in another bedroom . You and your husband should not have to sleep in the same room as him. He can fall no matter what room he is in , whether you are in the room or not. You can put a baby monitor so you can hear him if he calls for help. He may fall anyway. Good Luck!

My FIL is in AL , insists on using his walker when self propelling in a wheelchair would be much safer , he is very unsteady and has a lot of trouble getting up from a chair. He refuses, He "will not give up walking". We've accepted that a big fall is coming. We can only do so much.
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daughter1960 Sep 2023
Thank you waytomisery.
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Sleep in the same bedroom? Uncooperative? Whoa… I gently suggest a facility.
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I hope others have ideas for you. For me, I am fresh out. This is a problem in every facility out there now as well. They aren't allowed rails of any restraining devices. Falls are common. When my bro was in rehab his roommate fell out of the bed daily. They had a padded rubber mat on either side of the bed and in the bathroom. But injury seems inevitable. I am so sorry. I hope someone has some idea for you.
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daughter1960 Sep 2023
Thank you AlvaDeer. It's a tough one!
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P.S. You can get a mattress (or to put on the mattress) a thing that rings or makes noise when a person moves or tries to get up.

I would caution you from sleeping in his room as this doesn't sound healthy for you or your husband, even though you have the best of intentions. And, it depends on the size of the bedroom. I wonder if a night caregiver would be better? So you and your husband can get a good night's sleep. You cannot run on empty. - Gena
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There is no answer that works, really. My mother fell 95x during a few year period and never got seriously hurt. She cracked a few ribs, but that was it. When hospice came on board, they put a bolster pillow type thing on her hospital bed that cupped her body in such a way as to prevent or cut down on falling out of bed. Ask hospice about it yourself, it may help. He should be unable to get out of bed himself, but that'll require someone help him back and forth to the toilet.


Best of luck to you.
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daughter1960 Sep 2023
Thank you lealonnie1.
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Why is he up at night? What about something to help him sleep?

I don’t think it’s easy sharing a bedroom. What about a night light so he can see and strategically placed furniture for him to hold? (We put 36” planters on the stoop to get down one step and it worked like a charm).
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I think getting him a urinal, having a night light so he can use, pads on either side of the bed, baby monitor and you and hubby MUST get out of his room and have your own privacy. Save your marriage. He will likely do what he wants to so accept that likelihood and move on. I am old enough to know how both feel (you and dad). Trust me on this, please.
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You acknowledge what he says (so he feels that you are listening) and then you do what he needs for his own safety. It is that simple.

He may / likely will express some 'dismay' about changes.
Take them in stride.
Do not let his reactions surprise you nor change your position.
YOU need to take control of this situation.
(As)
He cannot.

Of course 'most' people resist support as they need more support.
They feel embarrassed and fearful of losing their independence.
Be loving (as you are) and compassionate - and hold your ground.

And, lastly ... 'never ever argue' with him. Instead, respond "Yes, I understand how you feel" and change the subject. He will want to get his way and keep you engaged. Do not allow this to escalate. It will only (further) upset him, and you.

Gena / Touch Matters
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I have no good answer but if he breaks something he will end his days in pain. Please explain that to him and that he is using a bed rail FOR YOUR sake so that you aren’t worried. He might do it for you.
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daughter1960: State something akin to 'Dad, your doctor has mandated xxxx safety measures be put in place.' A bedside commode could work only if you and your DH (Dear Husband) aren't sleeping in the same bedroom as your father.
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