My mother is dementia, has considerable health issues. I do not feel that my stepfather takes care of her as he should. He would rather be out in the garden or woods, than stay in and take care of her. She has heart disease, diabetes, cannot walk without a walker. She falls quite regularly, with major bruising, but no broken bones yet. There had been talk of hospice coming in, but I haven't seen it yet, and doubt if it will ever happen. My stepfather is afraid of losing his land/property if she goes into a home, but that is where she needs to be. I live five hours away, and am unable to come and help. What has to happen before the state would admit someone to a nursing home?
If you lived nearby and if your mom fell again you could suggest to your stepfather that he call 911 and have your mom taken to the ER for an evaluation. From there you talk to the nurse about your concern for your mom living at home with little assistance from your stepfather. You could emphasize to the nurse that you'd like a social worker to do an evaluation. A social worker would be called in and you'd go from there. But again, if your stepfather is resistant you may not be able to get anything done but at least you'd have a voice "on the record".
Regardless of whether you're there or not your mom's wishes and your stepfather's wishes would come before yours. You'd have to get your stepfather on board.
There are similar question's on our site, we thought these might answer your caregiving question.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/when-its-really-time-for-nursing-home-or-something-similar-165848.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/when-its-time-for-nursing-home-163679.htm
Hope this helps.
Best Regards,
Ashley T.
The AgingCare.com Team