I had to put my Mother in Assisted Living last week and she is so angry that she says she will never speak to me again. She has a frontal lobe type Dementia and Delusional Disorder. She has sent thousands of dollars to scammers that she thinks are in love with her and want to marry or move in with her. Even after I got guardianship over a year ago and shut down her bank accounts, she sold about 90% of her furniture to send them more money and had recently started another round of going to banks and online to get more money. Her memory is still good and she is still quite intelligent, but her judgement is shot. The only way to stop the scamming was to have her removed from her home and placed in Assisted Living. I had Social Services do this and tried to stay out of it as much as possible. The Facility is over an hour away out in the country. I know this is a huge change for her, but it hurts to hear her anger. Our relationship had been good until about 2 years ago when the scamming started and we found out the diagnosis. I am an only child and have been her only caregiver. She refuses to believe that ANYTHING is wrong with her, just my fault "for taking everything away from her".
I've heard most people say that she will eventually adjust and I can start visiting her. She's been there a week and I have no interest in going to see her until she calms down and is not so angry. Have others dealt with this? And how long has it taken before the anger subsides enough to visit your loved one?
Thanks,
Chris
I have a story pretty similar to yours. My mom was diagnosed with dementia which she has and will not accept. My family and started noticing a decline in her cognitive thinking and she to was highly caught up with scammers and sweepstakes. I was able to become her POA and get her to the doctor once we realized her serious her condition was becoming.
We found a Assisted Living facility that would allow her some feel of independence even though doctors said she should be in memory care.
Mom has been resentful and troublesome since being placed. She’s argumentative with caretaker and other residents. Mom has become very stubborn refusing to bathe, and change clothes.
Most of her venom is reserved for me, she tells caretaker and nursing team I placed her in facility to control her and take her money. When I come to visit she lashes out at me. The doctor and social worker told me to stay away and give her some time adjust. I haven’t seen her for about a month now, I feel conflicted I don’t want to not be there for her, but I can’t handle the mean spirited verbal abuse from her either. My last visit with her brought me to realization that my mom as I know her is gone, and Its taken me through a mourning process of sorts.
My plan is to resume visits with mom, and the first sign of toxicity from her l’m leaving, hopefully it will resonate with her that this behavior will not be tolerated if she wants to continue relationship with me.
Just wanted to share that because it is easier if we know that they may not really know what is happening.
She wants to go home, but has no idea where home is. She needs to go to work and wants to catch the bus to London where she can go do embroidery.
Anger is fear.. and the more anger the more fear cos she doesnt really know the why... and its no use telling them cos they dont remember and cant comprehend.
The person you knew 2 yrs ago is not the person you are dealing with today, just looks similar, and Im guessing right now still remembers you.
My Ma claims to not have children most of the time, so how can she even comprehend she had 5 and that the youngest is in his 60s. she after all is in her early 20s, I managed to ask once.
her brain/memory is a 200 piece jigsaw puzzle without the lid or 96 pieces and the missing ones are the corners and the centre.
Dont feel bad,
Wishing you the best of luck.
She will not be getting wifi in her room or a new phone as she will immediate get in touch with "Freddie", the scammer who she thinks loves her. She told the Social Worker that "Freddie" has alot of money and will come for her soon, so obviously the delusion still exists strongly. I'll be glad to provide advice to you if I can.