I am in between my mother and her mother who has dementia. She is able to care for herself but is getting more dementia-ish all the time. I have tried repeatedly explaining (attempted different methods) to explain how I'm being hurt by one my grandmother who is blaming me for things taking things out on me, other stuff and two my mom who is in complete denial of anything her mother does to me and kinda the fact that I'm in the corner with feelings I don't really understand (other than depression) I really have no one who can get her to understand (No, moving out isn't an option as I have disabilities that I need to be at home with my parents) I realize this isn't exactly a caregiver deal but anyway. I just feel like I'm overlooked and it's like when you tell a kid to just sit down and be quiet. I have done more than my share for my grandma (which I don't go see anymore)
My brother has "taken over" the entire care of our mother. He has become so possessive and weird about her. He complains incessantly about what a pain she is, but any offers of help are met with a brick wall. She lives in his home.
I try to talk to him, kind of as a go between b/c mother is kind of scared of him, but he is just angry all the time and "knows best"--and nobody in the family can talk to him. Honestly, my other 3 sibs are 100% MIA and don't care. I do, but I am not allowed at this point to even enter his home. Mother is a "squatter" and he controls her activities, comings and goings and oversees all her medical issues. HE doesn't do a sterling job and she doesn't like the situation--but she CHOSE it.
Mother is unhappy--brother is unhappy, they don't communicate well and I get caught in the middle. I too have depression and this dynamic makes it much worse.
I DO NOT live with them, so I have control over coming/going. Is there any chance you can move out? Living with this 24/7 would be awful. You might find your depression lifting when the causation is "gone".
Does gma live with you? If not, you can curtail your visits to times YOU choose. Sadly, just because people are our relatives, it doesn't mean we like them or get along. IN fact, in they weren't relatives, we probably wouldn't waste a second on them.
Do you receive counseling? A good therapist may be able to help you set healthy boundaries.
It does bother me that you're not looking towards your future more. This may not be the right time, there may be all kinds of issues you're working on and I know that epilepsy can be an incredibly complex and difficult condition to manage; but at some point, inevitably, you are going to need a plan for becoming independent. You're still very young, yes? - but I wonder if maybe looking ahead and starting to develop a strategy might also make you feel less your grandmother's captive.
Mom probably sees them too, but would rather not. Making you seem crazy (it's called "gaslighting" makes both of them feel better about the sutuation.