Yep, like clock work. We are getting ready for a trip and MIL has her next “crisis”. SIL (control freak) starts barking the orders. How will I handle this? This time I will do the following:
#1 breathe. observe. Is it really a crisis? No!
#2 I refuse to get physically and emotionally drained by this. Refuse the urge to do, do, do…I have a choice!
#3 Stay out of the triangulation with MIL, SIL and Husband.
#4 SIL barks orders. NO! I do NOT need to do, do, do.
#5 MIL receives excellent full time care at the facility where she lives. This is why she pays big $$$. They are the professionals and they do a excellent job. The are paid to do, do, do!
#6 Hold healthy boundaries.
#7 Have compassion for My Husband thru it. It is his family and he is a big boy, It’s his choice how he manages it/them.
#8 Love MIL from a distance
Wow, I am growing!
Recovering People Pleaser
Did you or DH tell MIL that you planned a trip. If so, do not do it again. Tell no one. Call sister when your on the road or even at your destination that you are gone for a few days. If MIL knows beforehand she will fake an illness. I may remind MIL about the boy who cried wolf. Sister should be able to deal with any crisis that Pops up.
At 90 I don't think ur MIL will change as long as others fetch and carry for her. Its you and your husband that need to set boundries for yourselves. Seems to me, you are doing that and do not give in. Seems husband maybe getting tired of it, so he needs to start saying No more often. But you never give in or you will be starting all over. If there are errands he does for her, tell her to get that list together because he is only doing it once a week. If she has money, she can pay someone.
Do not allow her to hold her Will over your head. Make her realize that her money means nothing to you. Its a manipulation. Look up "grey rock method". I think you have already done this by ignoring her in the car. It bugs them when you don't respond to them.
Since that didn’t appear to happen this time, console yourself. If there is a medical emergency, she is in a good place to be transported if need be and monitored if not. You now know she will be receiving extra attention while you are gone. The best indication based on her (assuming) long life is that she will be alive when you return. Your SIL may not be doing so well but mama will most likely be just fine. Enjoy your vacation.
SIL can go bark up a tree. Tell her to do everything she is asking you to do. While she’s doing that….. sit with a glass of wine and read a good book while staring at your husband with ZERO reaction!