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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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He wet the bed last night and watched me wash the sheets and mattress covers and three barriers today, then intentionally pulls down his diaper and wets the bed before he went to bed- after he used the toilet. I am so frustrated.
To help with the frustration: remove the word "intentionally" from any sentence to do with your father's actions. Dementia and intention, as you and I understand the meaning of intention, are mutually exclusive terms.
That done, what you're left with is a wet bed. Which is still a mess and a nuisance and hard work (usually at the most inconvenient moment possible), but is a lot less soul-destroying than the suspicion that your lovely dad is being a malicious sadistic gremlin.
By the bye. That he pulled down his diaper and wet the bed after using the toilet but (presumably) before settling down for the night makes me wonder if he's just too anxious about the whole subject of toileting. Suppose he knows he has to get this right, but doesn't know how any longer?
If there has been heated discussion, I should try not commenting at all for a while. Instead keep strictly to positive, simple prompts to use the bathroom on a schedule, and deal with all accidents as cheerfully (or at least wordlessly) as you possibly can.
When I cleaned my Dad's bathroom last month, I did not blame him for the state of it, he is incapable of aiming accurately, would not consider sitting to pee and is physically unable of cleaning it. I did however blame my brother, with whom Dad lives for not cleaning it for him.
Whatever this is, what it is NOT is intentionally done to make you unhappy. It may be time to consider placement so that 24/7 caregiving doesn't break you. I am so sorry. None of this will get better or easier.
One day, or one part of a day he may get it right, other times he may not get to the bathroom in time, or not remember how to find it at all.
Urgency issues are common. Being able to concentrate on 'holding on' while also concentrating on finding the bathroom just too hard. This is part of dementia & it will get worse.
I would suggest trying a urinal bottle. Keep it in view, one close to the bed, one close to his favorite chair, one in the bathroom. This may save your bed/floors & keep him as independant as he can.
Or he may need regular toilet promoting by his caregiver. On waking, mid morning, after meals, evening & bedtime.
Have you tried putting a bedside commode next to his bed, so he doesn't have to travel far to use the restroom? There are also several medications that can help with frequency of urinating. And his urologist can try putting botox into his bladder to try and calm things down too. If that doesn't help, he can have a supra pubic catheter (permanent catheter) put in as well. I had to try all of the above with my husband and in the end the supra pubic catheter was a Godsend, as I only had to empty his bag twice a day, and didn't have to worry about cleaning up any more pee messes. Good Luck.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
That done, what you're left with is a wet bed. Which is still a mess and a nuisance and hard work (usually at the most inconvenient moment possible), but is a lot less soul-destroying than the suspicion that your lovely dad is being a malicious sadistic gremlin.
By the bye. That he pulled down his diaper and wet the bed after using the toilet but (presumably) before settling down for the night makes me wonder if he's just too anxious about the whole subject of toileting. Suppose he knows he has to get this right, but doesn't know how any longer?
If there has been heated discussion, I should try not commenting at all for a while. Instead keep strictly to positive, simple prompts to use the bathroom on a schedule, and deal with all accidents as cheerfully (or at least wordlessly) as you possibly can.
When I cleaned my Dad's bathroom last month, I did not blame him for the state of it, he is incapable of aiming accurately, would not consider sitting to pee and is physically unable of cleaning it. I did however blame my brother, with whom Dad lives for not cleaning it for him.
One day, or one part of a day he may get it right, other times he may not get to the bathroom in time, or not remember how to find it at all.
Urgency issues are common. Being able to concentrate on 'holding on' while also concentrating on finding the bathroom just too hard. This is part of dementia & it will get worse.
I would suggest trying a urinal bottle. Keep it in view, one close to the bed, one close to his favorite chair, one in the bathroom. This may save your bed/floors & keep him as independant as he can.
Or he may need regular toilet promoting by his caregiver. On waking, mid morning, after meals, evening & bedtime.
I had to try all of the above with my husband and in the end the supra pubic catheter was a Godsend, as I only had to empty his bag twice a day, and didn't have to worry about cleaning up any more pee messes. Good Luck.
Try limited fluid intake the closer to bed time.