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My mom is a US citizen living in Canada. She is almost 90 and living in a nursing home. She is going to sell her house and wants to come live here in NJ with us. So we will have to buy a new house because ours is way too small. So should her, my husband & I all be on the mortgage? And another question is she is in a wheelchair but thinks she can walk. How do I get her from there to here(439 miles)when she can't get into my SUV because its too high. I have researched wheelchair accessible vans but you cannot take them across the border. Anyone have any advice or ideas for me? And I know I need to become her POA for the USA but how do I do that when she's not here yet? I need to get it done soon!

I see the problem on if she will qualify for Healthcare Coverage in the US. Her or her Spouse had to work 40 qtrs in the US to get Social Security. And you can't get Medicare if you can't get Social Security. SS also only goes back 35 yrs at time of retirement for the amount you will receive. Canada has Socialilized Medicine. Mom maybe able to get Medicaid.

I would not give up my home. Your at the age you should be downsizing. Mom cannot live alone. You have to weigh the pros and cons.

As someone who lives in South Jersey, if you move, you lose your Senior discount. New house, you start all over. Housing costs are way up. I live in a 60yr old development and a 4 bedroom split just went on the market for almost 400k. Can you sell your house without paying extra for a new one? And NO, do not use Moms money to by a new one. Her proceeds from the sale of her house should go towards a nice Al near you. If she ever needs Medicaid, she could be penalized if her house did not sell at Market Value. Putting her on the deed will eventually cause problems because by owning part of the house when she passes Medicaid will put a recovery lien on your house.

I am 76 and I would not sell my house to buy another one. Next move is an apartment.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Look very carefully at her costs at nursing home in Canada vs. her costs in nursing home in US.

It may be way less expensive for her to stay in Canada and you visit every 6-8 weeks.
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Reply to brandee
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Is mom a dual citizen of Canada or otherwise eligible for their health insurance? Who right now is paying for the nh? Her money, or health Canada? If the latter, do they intend to continue until she dies? If in fact the state is paying, then I as the poa would send them notice that mom is not a maid candidate until you sign off. Canada has been getting a bit aggressive with MAIDing people for my taste.

If she lacks coverage there, she should come home where she’s eligible for Medicare benefits and a Medicaid nursing home. The money from the house should be used to private pay for a nursing home until Medicaid takes over vs trying to buy a new dwelling with her on the deed and turning it into a defacto nursing home.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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cwillie 4 hours ago
Nobody is getting euthanized against their wishes PeggySue, that's all 💩anti MAiD propaganda 😠
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Does she qualify for Medicare? Is she even enrolled in Medicare since she turned 65? It is best to start to see if she can enroll and what premiums will be for supplements. She just might have penalties.
Also she has to move first before you can prove she is a resident. Can you afford the gap?
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Reply to MACinCT
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I think its very admirable that you are willing to bring your 90 year old mom down to the USA from Canada. I don't know your finances or your health but it wouldn't hurt to try an extended visit. A mock trial so to say. This ensures that each party will be more aware of how this move may go. It will show the pros and the cons about living together again. It's a great dream to have but like others have stated it could turn into a nightmare fast.
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Reply to Panurse25
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She's in a wheelchair, but "thinks she can walk?"
If that isn't a huge RED FLAG, I don't know what is!

Questions for you to consider:
- Why hasn't she sold her house already, being in a Nursing Home?
- She's living in a facility with 24 hr. care. Will you be able to provide that?
- What exactly is the big hurry to move?
- How does your husband feel about this idea...TRULY FEEL?
- When was the last time you visited Mom at length-like 2 weeks?
- How much medical expertise do you have caring for a wheelchair-bound elder?
- Do you and Husband work, or are retired?
- What is Plan B if this idea backfires within months?

My take is Mom is too old to be selling her house and moving 400 miles away, basically destroying BOTH your lives. The stress of it all could cause her to get much worse, if she survives it.

If she was truly able, she can sell her home and move wherever she wants. Why share a house with YOU? So she has a 24 Hour UNPAID Caregiver? I'm talking toilet/bathroom helper, bathing helper and personal driver (taking her to doctors and picking up a heavy wheelchair you always need to bring?) Do you have to buy a new car next?

If she wants to move back to NJ and live with you and Husband, DON'T DO IT. Find a similar facility NEARBY for her to move directly into....or JUST SAY NO.
Why upset your finances AND LIVES for such a selfish request? Or is it an ORDER?
Your whole tone is one of being desperate and pressured. RED FLAG #2.
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Reply to Dawn88
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Is her home in Canada or NJ?

she's in a nursing home. Does she think that she will move into your home instead of nursing home? When was the last time you actually visited her in Canada?
What are issues that you cannot fly her to NJ?
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Reply to MAYDAY
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You can rent a car that may allow easier handicap access..
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Reply to MAYDAY
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Are you her only child, GO TO PERSON?
does she have family in Canada?
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Reply to MAYDAY
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Nobody gets into a nursing home unless they have very high needs, you are crazy to even consider this. Plus if she is a long term resident of Canada she is likely covered by her provincial health care and won't have any coverage at all in NJ, and the cost differential may be massive.
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Reply to cwillie
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You don’t mention the health issues that caused mom to live in a nursing home. No one moves to one without them, and in the same home, all those issues would fall on you to handle unless she’s paying for 24 hour caregivers. The 2am accident, the 5am fall from the wheelchair, the unreasonable behavior, whatever it is, anytime. If mom is 90, you’re older too, meaning it’ll be that much more challenging for you. Why not stay in your home, find a place nearby like mom is in now, and be her frequent visitor? I hope you’ll really think this through before uprooting either of you
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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In the movie National Lampoon's Vacation, they strapped old Aunt Edna to the roof of their station wagon.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Dawn88 22 hours ago
Priceless answer!
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Another vote for do not buy a house and move her in with you. Find a good, local IL or AL for her and keep your privacy and sanity. As she ages she will continue to decline, and even faster with each passing year.

Mom doesn't have to come to New Jersey just to assign you as her POA. Have a NJ elder-law attorney prepare the appropriate documents and arrange for Mom to execute them properly in Canada. Notarization in Canada will be recognized in NJ.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Move her to the US put move her into a nursing home.

If you have to have the Canadian medical transport van transport her to the border and meet the American medical transport van. Ideally you would only have one medical transport van but if they are not allowed to border cross this is what I would do.
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Reply to brandee
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Well, if she's in a wheelchair, you are not only going to have to buy a new house, but get one that is wheelchair accessible, from ramps to wider halls/doorways. Rooms big enough to accommodate a wheelchair. No stairs anywhere in the house. And if you can't find a house that already fits those criteria for sale - and at a price that you can afford - you are going to have to spend ***thousands*** of dollars to retro-fit a place. And that's not going to be something that can get done "soon".

If mom wants to come back to the US, then I add my voice to the others here that she do so on the criteria that she move directly into a facility that better suits her needs.
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Reply to notgoodenough
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This is the type of move that people usually regret. Rearranging your lives around the needs of a very sick elderly woman is a really bad idea. You have no idea what you're getting into, plus once you get her in your home and she decides she wants out or you decide you want out, you're in a particular kind of he77 that no one wants to occupy.

Plus are you sure that she has mental capacity to sign a POA?

I took care of both parents, both of whom lived into their 90s. I was willing and eager, just like you. Their dying took 5 years, and they were not in good health at all. My life was miserable, and I resent that they didn't plan better with a plan that didn't include me. They should have been in a LTC facility, and so should your mom.

Mom needs skilled nursing now. Unless you are a professional nurse, an RN, you're not up to the job no matter how much you love her. Please don't do this!
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Reply to Fawnby
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No. No to basically everything.

Has she assigned you POA in Canada? She can certainly assign you POA in the US, it's a simple enough form, but only if she's mentally capable. Someone who uses a wheelchair but believes she can walk doesn't sound especially capable.

She's in a nursing home because she needs residential care. You're not equipped to replace an entire staff, you're one person. And frankly if she's not up to traveling 400 miles maybe she isn't up to relocating.

Sure she can sell her house and move to NJ. It's odd that it hasn't been sold already if she doesn't live there any more. Assuming she is capable of selling real estate and moving countries you move her directly to a residential care facility which you line up BEFORE she arrives. None of this "oh, she's just here while we find her a good fit". No.

No you don't buy a new house with your money, her money, or a loan directly from the Lord. You don't take on a new mortgage in what must be your 60's. That's very bad financially along with everything else. What are you going to do with this giant house when you're in your 70's and she's gone? Sell that and buy a smaller one again? No.

I think your efforts would be best spent figuring out everything you need to do to make the rest of her time go as smoothly as possible where she already is.
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Reply to Slartibartfast
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Don't. Just don't. If your mother wants to come back to the US near you, move her into another nursing home near you, or assisted living. The money from the sale of her house can pay for it. If her needs are serious enough that she qualifies for a nursing home, then you won't be able to handle them in your home. Thinking she can walk as a wheelchair user illustrates that. Getting a mortgage with three people can cause all sorts of problems.

If she is trying to guilt-trip you into taking her into your home. or trying to bribe you with the promise of a bigger house if you take her in, don't fall for it. If she sincerely wants to be closer to you for positive reasons, then she'll agree to do it by changing care facilities, not by disrupting your home life.
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Reply to MG8522
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