I am looking at different assisted living facilities for my mother and am having a hard time figuring out if the facilities will be able to keep my mother engaged and active.
How did others look into this? Am I asking for too much to expect my mother to be engaged and happy at these places? Should I be prioritizing other things?
Are her depression and anxiety being treated by a psychiatrist? We found that before treatment for anxiety and depression, my mom was unhappy no matter how many activities were provided.
Wwith good meds, mom became engaged in activities that we could not have predicted she'd enjoy. The stock market club! Jewelry making! Jewish religious services! (mom was an ardent Catholic).
You are certainly right to investigate activities; you want there to be something other than bingo. But you also want to find out if the place is cliquish, how the food is, how much latitude there is about when meds are given and what doctors are available on site.
Having a geriatrics doc and a geriatric psychiatrist on site made all of our lives better.
What keeps her "happy and engaged" now? If it is sitting with a puzzle or watching TV then she might be. If it is going for a ride or out to lunch then she may not be as engaged.
If her anxiety and depression are under control it might be easier for her to make adjustments.
Do you intend to place her in AL right now? Because, I would imagine that activities and group events are not what they normally are due to covid precautions. BEFORE covid hit, most of the ALs that I had seen did a good job of having daily activities to keep anyone who wants to join in occupied.
Most places have an activity director who you can speak with, who can direct more attention to your LO, if she's not a naturally social person. I did that with my LO's AL and the director sought her out and asked her to help her do things, like hand out papers, organize cards, etc. It helped my LO join in a little more. I will say that if your LO has cognitive decline, it makes the involvement less likely. MY LO's dementia really held her back, because, she just wasn't able to engage with most activities or events. This made her insecure and embarrassed. The activities were not on her level. Once, she was in MC, it got better, because they had less residents per staff member, she got more direct supervision and the activities were geared more towards her capabilities.
You can ask for a schedule to see what things they do, days, times, etc. The places that I know of often have live music at least once a week, a church service live once per week, daily games, like BINGO, movies, stretching, field trips, crafts, singing, etc. (BEFORE COVID)
One thing to consider is how long the staff has been there. I found that long time staff were more reliable. I'd look to places where the staff are not too busy to address the residents needs. But, that's just me. I know that most family members are enthusiastic about activities, but, when it comes to seniors that are really up in age, have significant health issues, limited mobility and decline in cognition.....it seems the family is more into that than the resident. Others may have had different experiences. Some people just like to relax, read, watch tv, listen to music, etc. I did tour one Memory Care facility and observed a table with 4 ladies, nicely dressed, playing cards.
My mother is a narcissistic sociophobe who is actually proud of the fact that she won't join in with the majority of activities and makes derogatory comments about other residents who play Scrabble, for example (no one can fathom why she is like this, as she also complains of boredom), and increasing deafness makes it harder for her anyway. We made the well-meaning error of going with her to activities at the beginning to help her settle in and make friends (something she has never done easily), but she now expects family to take or accompany her to the few social events she does deign to go to, so we made a rod for our own backs.
You know your mother's tastes and interests, so I would contact and when possible visit a few places and see what they have to offer. My mum went for the place nearest to us without considering any others, and it has not worked out well for any of us...
Be sure to talk to current residents and their families. Some places talk a good talk. Make sure people are really happy and the staff is kind and caring.
Good luck!
Listing activities is one thing. It is also good to meet some of the activities staff. Their personality makes a big difference in how the program is run!
Between activities, and especially now with the virus temporarily shutting down activities, we looking for creative ways to keep my mom engaged on her own. She is using a voice activated app that let's her play her favorite memories and hear from us and her grandkids whenever she wants. She can say "Play Christmas time" and then my kids voices respond with their own message "Hi Grandma....".
When activities do come back, you will also want to see how program managers are modifying their activities in view of the virus. (I wonder if the group baking activity will come back.)
Good luck on your search!
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