My 91 year old mother, who lives with me and my husband, was in the hospital with heart failure and liver problems. She was “out of her mind” for about 2 weeks. She’s now in a nursing home for rehab to get her strength back so she can walk. Before the hospital stay she didn’t use any walking aides. Her mind is about 95% of what it had been but the nursing home wants me to sign papers that make me responsible for all of her expenses. I don’t want to do that. Insurance is paying for the first 20 days. I can use my mother’s money until it runs out but I won’t be personally responsible for her expenses. My husband and I are both in our 70’s and will need our money to take care of ourselves. Am I being selfish?
Are you her POA? If not whoever is should sign as POA. If there is no POA, you or nursing home could pursue emergency guardianship to access mom's funds for payment.
A sweet story: We were blessed to get her into really nice places. The nursing home was a two minute drive from me and I was allowed to go visit her anytime I wanted, 24 hours a day. (Years before covid) I got a call one time if I would come help getting her to calm down. This was at ten at night. No problem. I got there and quietly walked down the hall and there was my mom in law blessing out a poor orderly. He didn't know I was watching. He was so sweet to her. I asked my mother in law what she was doing and she sad, "I have no idea." We all had a good laugh and she went to bed.
That said, when my father died intestate, I signed what was at the time, my rights to a third of his estate over to my mother (this is no longer law in my state as far as I know).
In retrospective I realized that my father would PROBABLY have preferred that his legacy be spent on my children’s education, but at the time besotted with grief, I did what I thought would be best for my mother.
STILL, no regrets.
ALL THAT BEHIND ME, I would NEVER have signed making myself responsible for her care.
Once her money "runs out," then you can apply for Medicaid.
BEST of luck
But you do NOT have to sign saying you would be responsible for her expenses.
Cost of rehab and anything else is paid for by insurance then HER assets. If she has no assets then application for Medicaid would be in order.
A few years ago I came up with a special term for situations like this: "BS in its purest form"! The people telling you this are worse than corrupt politicians, greedy funeral directors and shady used-car salesmen, and I wouldn't trust anything they tell you until you verify it independently.
It looks as if you have done the first step correctly by refusing to sign to assume financial responsibility out of your own funds. That's why Medicaid exists.
I am confused, when my dad went to rehab nothing was signed. Insurance cards were provided and that was all.
You can contact the ombudsman and ask for guidance if you feel like you are being pressured to do this or moms care will suffer. This information is readily available in the packet of documents that you are being asked to sign, if not, huge waving red flag.
my husband’s family is pressuring us, my mother’s family pressuring me , to do financial things. Is not going to happen. My mom never worked , while her children were at school , my mom sat and played solitaire, watched soaps. She now has the dreaded hump back .... hmmmm wonder why.... but in any case , I started working as junior in high school, retired at 3 yrs ago at age 62 ... Regardless of what others think , I make those on the above criteria..
PROTECT yourself, don’t let anyone guilt or bully you .Do what you can, don’t do what will cause issues for you.
The medical profession and Nursing Homes in particular are well known for trying to make Adult Children responsible for the cost of their parents, siblings and other family members. SAY NO!!!! Do not cave in. I write this reply from the patients perspective. I was diagnosed with Early Onset ALZ more than 4.5 yrs ago. MY DW and I took what we thought were all the right moves to protect our family from driving itself in to bankruptcy I was personally responsible when my oldest child was in Neonatal ICU the first five weeks of his life. My ex and I did not have health insurance at the time. We paid what we could, but in order to stay afloat, we had to go the Bankruptcy route, which you could find yoursel in taking on Mom's medical bills.
I suggest you reach out a Medicaid for guidance on how to move forward. The nursing home isn't likely going to help you with that. Perhaps I'm wrong. Protect your finances to take care of yourself, and do what you can for your mother. I wish you good luck in the future. DON"T PAY !!!!
God Bless you, prayers are going up. John
This way, if she dies you do not have to pay her bills.
Do not sign the paperwork.
Do not pay any of her bills, if she dies. You are not legally responsible to pay the bills of a dead person unless you are co-owner of a home or a credit card.
You are definitely not being selfish.
This is how nursing homes work and get away with it. If they have information like SS numbers and bank accounts numbers they will withdraw money from the account whether you like it or not. It happened to me when my father was in one and at the time they did it insurance was paying for everything. I went through hell and high water to get that money back. Then I had to make all new bank accounts so the nursing home didn't have the banking information. The nursing home was only paid what they were owed and not a penny more. Also, don't take their word for it about when the insurance expires and stops paying. They will lie about that too in order to collect double and get away with it. They did it to us. You check with Medicare and insurance about when they will stop paying. They also bill a month in advance a bed and services that haven't even been given yet.
They will tell you and your mom that she owns money in arrears. She doesn't. They want payment a month in advance. So, if she comes home on say the first of a month, she's paying $10,000 to $15,000 a month extra because they bill ahead.
Absolutely refuse to give them any of this information on your mom. They will not throw her out because you insist on a written, itemized bill for her care once a month. Good luck.