Anxiety and Alzheimer's...

Sounds like you are taking the right steps...test for UTI, upping her anxiety dose, etc.
It would seem to me that the only thing that may be left to do is look at how people approach her. Do they know how to 'invite' her to do things, ask her kindly, etc., or is there re activeness in the caregiver so that the patient has to be up in arms and protect themselves from that charge?

Mom is 98.5 yrs. old. She has those episodes, now each day when she is told to do something she rather not, she gets upset. It has to do with their sense of loosing control of their life. As much as it is frustrating and exausting for us, I always think about what if I was in that situation. How would I behave?

I often tell Mom that I understand her frustration. I ask her to tell me about (what she can remember). Sometimes, when I act interested and she feels heard, the constant complaining stops. Don't fix her state. Just listen and let them express their frustration. It usually has sadness underneath.

In a way, there is not much we can do to make them feel better and that is not only very sad, but conflicting to our hears since we are exhausted. Totally understood.

There are videos on youtube from an expert in these areas: Teepa Snow. Watch the way she deals with these episodes. It helped me lots.

All the best to you. Be kind with yourself...I know it is hard, but you must take time off, even if half-day. Blessings!

As long as she is safe can you...
Use headphones or ear buds to block out the "noise"
Is there anything that you have done in the past that can help calm her? Music of some type? Art, reading to her?
If none of this works is she alright with someone coming in to give you a break? Even just an hour away might help you.
Is she on Hospice? (If not you might want to call and see if she is eligible, there are lots of advantages) If she is on Hospice if there is a problem getting the medication correct you could ask if they would consider putting her in an In-Patient Unit until they get the medication adjusted properly. Or if she is on Hospice you could ask for Respite, Medicare will provide for 1 week per year of Respite for Hospice patients.

Does it help if you verbally "agree with" her accusations and anxieties and make some motions of addressing the complaints or fears? You won't be able to talk her out of her accusations; opposition will just make them stronger and more urgent.

I remember someone on the forum once talking about going out in the backyard with a flashlight to look for the "intruders" their LO was convinced were out there. Just for someone to respond and take some action help calm the episodes.

Don't berate yourself for losing it once in awhile. The frustration and anger are real and expected. I sometimes used to get frustrated and angry at my dying husband and think "You can't be mad at someone who's dying," but, yes, you can and sometimes will be. It helps to find other outlets for your own feelings. You can vent here on the forum whenever you need to.

my mom has many of the same..'Won't stop talking' ,rearranging and hiding objects, suspicions.

Here is what what helps both she and I.

At night I ask her to stare at a bees wax candle for 1 minute straight ( no smoke) and notice her in and out breath.

I tell her we are practicing ridding her mind of anxiety, and increasing her ability to focus, and that she will feel better afterwards.

during in-breaths, visualize a warm turquoise color, out-breaths, a grey ugly color, and to breathe in for six to eight ( increase with increasing ability for her to relax), Hold for four, and out for eight. It is generally very difficult for her to maintain focus on the breathing and the candle, ( she starts talking! And I say, 'we have to start over now, and you can do this for one minute straight.

Then an I ask how she feels in the moment. If she feels better, I leave the room and ask her to continue, and close the door. With one to talk to, she is able to do this for five minutes. I ask her how she feels in the moment again. Usually calmer.
It Works best when person has a respite from the things they think they 'need to do' or after dinner.

Slowing down, deepening and making Her aware of her breathing all have very calming properties.

Deeper breathing also gets more oxygen to the brain.

also, what helps is ' getting out,' but wirh a soecifically defined self- care purpose. i bought her Nordic walking sticks. And on days when she agrees to go walk for a kilometer.... ( she us 89 and very creatuve with the why nit excuses, but always feels bwtter after we do this....

we focus on the breathing and posture the entire time, counting in and out brearhing together , with probably 150 digressions and redirections from my voice on correcting posture and breathing.
i walk backwards while she walks forwards.)

it is imoortant to be able to notice what is going onnwirh her own body.. as well, to focus on things outside her own body.
i also sit with her on the boardwalk and ask her to notice what she hears in the moment... That also helps..

are there any ' chair yoga' sessions at a sr center nearby? wouod she do that at home?

A nurse told me to get a supplement called 'calm,' for night time, which is mainly magnesium, and also acts as a stool softener.... Double win.

Anxiety can also be caused by dehydration and mineral deficiencies.. womens multivitamin necessary.

for you!!!! I recommend noise cancelling headphones for yoir sanity, and playing Chopin in the house for her,( or calming water sounds). And asking her to be more aware of her body..( any Feldenkreis beginner download is for subtle body awareness trainjng. it is not exercise)

if she is anything like my mom... You need to get good sleep.. my mom
talks from
the second she wakes up till 2 am. Any chance of a ' substitute caregiver ' two days a week while you regain sleep sanity and patience?

lastly -liquid acidophilus and hemp oil , a teaspoon of each drunk after each meal, seems to help her brain and gut too.
( related)

for help without your imput, and if she us able- , There is an app called ' calm' that has 'sleep stories, sound effects for sleep and help with slowing and deepening breathing by following a visual settable dial.

good luck!
elise

Timyom, is there anything that your wife enjoys that you could have the caregiver bring? Something that only the caregiver gives to her could be helpful if she will accept it.

As hard as it is, sometimes we have to go out and let the caregiver do their job and know that no matter how upset she is that she is safe and cared for. You matter in this marriage as well, please get your breaks so you can be the best you can be.

Right now.....the results of the Valium are still out.....
I still find it interesting how the mind works....
She can’t tell time but can certainly remember every time over the last few days that I have not done what she wanted...
Not a complaint...just interesting

I am using a natural product to take the edge off my husband's dementia anxiety. It is Hylands brand Calm and Restful. It contains Aconite which was recommended by a Pharmacist/Nutritionist at KC Holistic center. 4 small tabs dissolved under the tongue and is fast acting if it is the right remedy for the person. They are readily available online from vitamin distributors such as Vitacost. Also, gets you to a good homeopathy company that has them and another product with aconite that is good. If you call and explain the symptoms, they can recommend products. I know what you are going through and will say a prayer for you. Meds almost killed my husband so we are not going that route anymore except on a rare occasion. They made him psychotic and led to life threatening actions on his part.

Thanks for all the responses....
We though we might have to admit my wife into the Local Senior Behavioral Unit..they have a tendency to use antipsychotic drugs so we decided that it would not be the best thing for her...
The Neurologist pulled her off of the Valium and we start DIVALPROEX SOD DR 500 MG TAB tonight before bedtime....
We discussed CBD products..but no decision...upped her depression meds.....
The first half of today was horrible....
She woke up complaining that her left eye hurt...She already had a Optometrist appointment at 1:45....but she was so frantic about the pain and saying she couldn’t see...I didn’t respond fast enough...in her mind, so...she became very angry..she got so out of control that I lost it....After I pulled it back together I managed to get her in the car...I took her to the optometrist and pleaded with them to see her earlier than her appointment time which was this afternoon...
I was concerned, since 8 weeks ago she had cataract surgery and I wondered that maybe something was really wrong...It turned out to be a bad case of dry eye...which can be very uncomfortable...
Took her home and she wouldn’t let me put the special ointment in her eye...after an hour I finally got a little bit of ointment in her eye...it was just horrible....about 2pm she finally calmed down a little bit....
I try...but sometimes it is so hard to do things right..
We are in a small community and resources are next to none.
I got a lead on a experienced...caregiver....companion....and she is coming by tomorrow to meet my wife and see if she might be able to help out...
I sure hope it works out...my wife and I both need this.

Today was the first day of having a companion/caregiver for my wife..It was a welcomed break....
We are 4 days into the 7 days of the antibiotic treatment....
I really don’t see much of a difference...This morning started..again with my wife accusing me of stealing and she said she was going to call the police...This was not done in a mild tone of voice..and it goes on most of the day...she is obsessed with her things being stolen or damaged...right now...if something isn’t right...it has to mezzz
Even if someone distracts her...she comes back to the same subject.
She has said she will kill whoever is stealing her things...this has been said more than one time
This is quite alarming...
My hope is we can redirect the anger...but I have my doubts

My wife woke up in one of her better moods..gave me a hug...we walked the dog..and we are at a movie right now...Mr Rogers...
She finally said yes to a bath but wouldn’t let me wash her hair.
I still can’t figure out how she stores new memories....The caregiver is back Monday....somehow we have to get my wife to like her...I need the break and my wife needs a companion she likes otherwise it just creates more stress..