My Mom is 88, palliative (cancer) and has some dementia. She is still cognitively sharp and knows who I am, but her short term memory is terrible. She is about 240 lbs and has limited mobility. She needs assistance to stand, can take a few shuffly steps with her walker, can easily lose her balance, HIGH fall risk. She has been given 3-6mos to live and so we are having someone with her 24/7. I am here 4.5 days a week, from 7am-7pm (I took a leave from work), my brother (still working) does Sat 7am-7pm, and we have government-supplied PSW with her for Wed day and most of Sunday day. And we are paying PSWs to be with her on all the nights, 7pm-7am.
Most of the time Mom & I are good. She is loving and appreciative. She sleeps a lot, I read. We watch some TV, or chat. She needs help to get up and get to a commode for BMs. She has a catheter, which has helped SO much in terms of lessening commode visits.
My question is this - how do you manage it, if you are in my kind of role (you help your Person up to the commode, and then once done, clean them up and get them back to their chair, clean up the commode) when they have to go frequently? That cycle can take 30-45min (she sits for a while). And then, sometimes, within a very short period of time, she has to go back to the commode again.
This morning we had 4 trips inside of 3.5hrs. I want her to be able to go to the toilet when she needs to. That is one of the main reasons we have someone here all the time, even though she is in AL, as I don't want her to sit and wait (nor would she - she would try to get up and go independently). However, it is hard to be patient and kind and not to be exasperated when she needs to go back to the commode a few minutes after she gets settled back into her chair!
I have been trying to give her prune juice daily, in the hopes that fewer larger BMs that pass easily might help. I think sometimes she only *thinks* that she has to have a BM, and in fact just passes gas. She does wear a pull up Depends, so if there is an accident, or we don't get there in time, the clean up is easier.
Any advice for how to reduce the frequent trips? If the frequent trips are just how things need to go today, any advice on how to remain kind and patient and helpful?
(a) No one chooses to be in this situation. It's embarrassing, frustrating, and can take away someone's pride as well as make him/her feel some completely dependent.
(b) People need compassion, comfort, and understanding, and sometimes that might be the only positive thing about their lives at that time.
So by being kind, patient, and helpful, you're performing perhaps the most useful task you can for your mother at this time of her life.
If you don’t already have one, get a bedside commode. Put it in a corner, obviously not in front of the open doorway or the window. You can even get a privacy screen for her. They make them in Bariatric sizes. My husband had one that had an attached pot and also fit over the toilet.
Keep gloves, wipes, disposal bags, under pads, diapers, bathing basin, towels and sheets within reach. In this heat, I powder my hands before putting on my gloves. It helps.
And, I lose patience. Frequently. Hubby can’t help it. I know that. But it still p***es me off. We’re human even if we are charged with superhuman responsibility. Give yourself a break. And a pat on the back.
I have the set up that you describe - chair/bedside commode, walker, gloves, wipes, etc... all is good there. And I know that I have masked any fatigue or frustration that I may be feeling from my Mom - so that is good too. I know this isn't easy for her, at all.
I was just having one of those mornings....
I feel for you with your husband and his size and being bedridden - that must bring on so many additional challenges that I am not even having to deal with....
A gentle wind could knock me over somedays.
I was trying the prune juice to avoid the situation where she would be trying to have a BM, but all we were getting was what I describe to my brother as "klingon poo", ie nothing falling into the toilet/commode at all.
I was afraid to try the suppository as I have no experience with them, and didn't know what to expect. But so far, no great result (also possible that cancer is causing restriction in the bowel which is contributing to the problem).
I hope you find a way to make Mom more comfortable.