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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I too live in NC and am not aware of any free assistance available, other than perhaps members from your church or friends that would be kind enough to come give you a break. Also Senior Services or in my city the Shepherd Center has volunteers that will come stay a few hours so you can get a break. You can also take him to your local Adult Daycare Center where he can stay 5 days a week and up to 8 hours a day, which would give you plenty of time to get done what you need to. Ours does a wonderful job with keeping the folks occupied and fed breakfast, lunch and a snack. However that is not free, but they do offer financial assistance for those who need it. It is so very important that you take care of yourself during this journey with your husband as the statistics say that 40% of caregivers will die before the one they're caring for. If that doesn't scare you, I don't know what will. I wish you well in finding the help you need.
Thank you. I am very tired at times. My husband is 79 and very large man. I live close to Charlotte nc. My church is awesome. They have ask me what they can do to help. My husband does not want anyone but me with him. He tells me to go do stuff, but when I decide to do something for myself he goes down hill very rapidly and I can’t leave. I need a support group.
It is a fine balance providing care w/o abusing oneself.
Try contacting your local Area Agency on Aging to see what services they offer.
If your DH qualifies for hospice, they offer respite. Please don’t assume he doesn’t qualify w/o having him evaluated. My DH aunt has been on hospice now at least 3 years.
And yes, he might very well decline when he isn’t with you. You are declining because you are forced to be with him non stop. You have to matter too. You are also a person who deserves care. I’m not saying it doesn’t matter what he wants but his life is not the only one being affected.
My cousin cared for her mom with Parkinson’s for many years and she finally had to accept that she had to have respite. It was a big help for her when her mom started receiving hospice care.
Is he on hospice? Hospice has volunteers that will come for brief visits for you to run errands or get away for a short while, lunch with a friend, etc.
Contact your county council on aging. I am in York county SC. There is an annual stipend that I could apply towards custodial care. It looks like this will be a non negotiable issue with him and that respite will be in a facility. Do not choose care at home in this situation
Since you are near Charoltte and in need of a support group go to alz.org/NC and choose western NC. They have an office in Charlotte. Search for the support group link and you can choose either in person or virtual that I see meets at 10 am once a month. They should also have an 800 number for personalized questions but any funding comes from your county social services. I have the feeling that he will still resist any in home care even though he tells you to do something. It is the nature of the disease. An ideal situation could be a day care which gets him out of the house for a few hours. At some point you and your sister will need to gang up on him and tell him that he needs a helper and that he needs to follow your instructions.
No one is going to provide free respite care for you. Medicare pays for I believe ten days resoite care per year in a nusring home/memory care facility.
At this point you should seriously consider placing your husband. Of course he is resistant to anyone but you caring for him, but this is very common with dementia and with the elderly who do not have dementia.
It is not his choice to make though. You cannot continue 24/7 because that will not end well. Something like 50% of caregivers die before the person they are caregiving for. Think about that. Would your husband be better off of you worked yourself to your grave?
No, he would not be better off.
Yes, he will probably decline if he's placed in care, but he will get used to it. He will have to. You can be his advocate and make sure he is well cared for.
Please consider placement for his sake and your own.
Some Senior Centers have a Volunteer group that will "companion sit" with someone they can not do "Hands on care" and usually the time is limited to 3 or 4 hours. If your husband is a Veteran the VA may have programs that he would be eligible for. (and if he is a Veteran YOU can get paid to care for him) If he is eligible for Hospice Medicare, Medicaid and most other insurance will cover Respite (almost 1 week) each year.
Does your loved one have Medicaid or Medicare? They might qualify for respite under either of these. Check online. Otherwise, ask family, friends, and members of your faith community for help. People that you know may be willing to help for a couple of hours now and then or weekly. However, you will probably need to pay somebody for a lengthy (4+ hours daily and/or several days) respite.
Is he a veteran? They recently changed their guidelines - but if he is a veteran - there may be options available via Veterans Benefits either through in home care or Nursing Home care if he qualifies. We used this benefit with my FIL several years ago to attend my nephew's wedding to bring someone in to stay with him while we were out of town. It didn't cover the cost of all of his care, since he needed 24/7, as he only had a certain number of hours, but it took a huge chunk out of it.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Also Senior Services or in my city the Shepherd Center has volunteers that will come stay a few hours so you can get a break.
You can also take him to your local Adult Daycare Center where he can stay 5 days a week and up to 8 hours a day, which would give you plenty of time to get done what you need to.
Ours does a wonderful job with keeping the folks occupied and fed breakfast, lunch and a snack. However that is not free, but they do offer financial assistance for those who need it.
It is so very important that you take care of yourself during this journey with your husband as the statistics say that 40% of caregivers will die before the one they're caring for.
If that doesn't scare you, I don't know what will.
I wish you well in finding the help you need.
It is a fine balance providing care w/o abusing oneself.
Try contacting your local Area Agency on Aging to see what services they offer.
If your DH qualifies for hospice, they offer respite. Please don’t assume he doesn’t qualify w/o having him evaluated. My DH aunt has been on hospice now at least 3 years.
And yes, he might very well decline when he isn’t with you.
You are declining because you are forced to be with him non stop. You have to matter too. You are also a person who deserves care. I’m not saying it doesn’t matter what he wants but his life is not the only one being affected.
My cousin cared for her mom with Parkinson’s for many years and she finally had to accept that she had to have respite. It was a big help for her when her mom started receiving hospice care.
https://www.gastongov.com/443/Adult-Aging-Services
https://www.medicare.gov/care-compare/results?searchType=Hospice&page=1&city=Mount%20Holly&state=NC&zipcode=&sort=alpha&tealiumEventAction=Landing%20Page%20-%20Search&tealiumSearchLocation=search%20bar
I have the feeling that he will still resist any in home care even though he tells you to do something. It is the nature of the disease.
An ideal situation could be a day care which gets him out of the house for a few hours. At some point you and your sister will need to gang up on him and tell him that he needs a helper and that he needs to follow your instructions.
At this point you should seriously consider placing your husband. Of course he is resistant to anyone but you caring for him, but this is very common with dementia and with the elderly who do not have dementia.
It is not his choice to make though. You cannot continue 24/7 because that will not end well. Something like 50% of caregivers die before the person they are caregiving for.
Think about that. Would your husband be better off of you worked yourself to your grave?
No, he would not be better off.
Yes, he will probably decline if he's placed in care, but he will get used to it. He will have to. You can be his advocate and make sure he is well cared for.
Please consider placement for his sake and your own.
If your husband is a Veteran the VA may have programs that he would be eligible for. (and if he is a Veteran YOU can get paid to care for him)
If he is eligible for Hospice Medicare, Medicaid and most other insurance will cover Respite (almost 1 week) each year.