My father has reached an apathetic stage and lately will not do anything but sit, watch TV or sleep. Even trying to get him to go out now for a meal or even ice cream, he refuses to do. Ice cream or other treats, had been working as a reward for doing something besides sit, but no longer. Assume that this is just a phase they all enter with Alzheimer's.
Because you think he should be doing things doesn't mean that he should.
This is normal, he is not the man he was before, accept that.
I've read this question here many times before, we cannot expect the aged with dementia to do what we think they should be doing, It doesn't work that way.
Depression is a difficult one - for our self to deal with or another.
I would suggest trying:
* getting him a professional massage
* Giving him a foot (or hand) massage (anyone can do that, gently).
* Music. Get him a CD player if he doesn't have - or if you / he has Comcast, their 943 channel (area) has loads of music channels.
* Try looking through magazines together - talking about the pictures.
(This depends on his level of dementia. Or get a photo-book from the library of nature: trees, birds, etc - if this would appeal to him.
* Realize you cannot push it. Don't try. Just gently offer suggestions as above (do not ask him if he wants to see a magazine or book from the library on birds or trees. Just get it and present it to him - open it and look through it with him and see if he is engaged / looks at it w/you.
* If he is open, talk to him about you/r life and what's happening. He doesn't have to talk, although he may be open / wants to listen (even a little).
I tend to sense intuitively that non-verbal touch is best at times. Try a hand massage first and see how he reacts.
In reading some of these responses, see if a rocking chair would comfort him.
Only if he doesn't walk around - get in and out of a chair by himself. The movement / rocking may provide him much comfort.
Gena / Touch Matters
When people get older their brains slow down and they need to rest.
It's ok at their age if they sit quietly. They just want you to be. I just took Mom by the ocean. She loved it. We walked for only 10 minutes, took her home, now she is napping. That's really all she can do right now. She is gradually wearing out. It's gradual good-byes.
She raised 4 children, worked so hard in the home but made it look easy. The Lewy Body Dementia makes them sleep a lot and the 4-hour one-morning a week respite program, that at one time worked--no longer does. They are not allowed to lie down and she doesn't want to return so I am not going to force her. She wants to be home and rest. It's where they're at.
I just re-mortgaged and bought an Ethan Allen sofa, so comfortable. The other sofa was like sitting on marshmallows. Of course, I bought the added insurance in case mother has an accident on it. Mother naps on it and looks out and watches the bird. I called it her final resting sofa. Her life has become smaller but I try with good meals, flowers, a pumpkin on the table to make her quality of life in the immediate, her everyday environment is Peaceful!
At 3:30 I will feed her supper, Mom will put her pajamas on afterwards, I give her her meds and I start work at 4:30 p.m. (remotely) and the second round of meds at 7:30 p.m. and then the next day we start all over again.
She sits with her eyes closed, not seeing. I've stopped trying to get her to open her eyes.
She hasn't been outside on the porch in over a year.
That used to bother me but she's content so I just let it be.
I play instrumental hymns quietly and have aromatherapy going to help with the ambience.
Actually, I am grieving although I do find that - in between working - that watching (too much) tv and playing scrabble and draw poker on my phone serve me well. I just purchased Boston Legal DVD series. That'll keep me busy for a while.
There is something to be said for zoning out. We need to do what we need to do. ... with the energy and brain power we have (left).
Aromatherapy sounds lovely.
Gena / Touch Matters
You go out to dinner or do whatever other recreational things healthy people do and need. Be sure that you have either hospice or other home health care in the home with him. It will not only help him, but also you and other family in the home. Sounds like he may be ready for hospice, choose one and have him assessed, if on hospice care hospice will also provide " respite care" 5 days out of home care in facility care for him so that you and family can have a break. Get help.
"...living in my home with alzheimer's / dementia, diabetes, and heart disease."
He has lots going on medically and maybe just doesn't feel good most of the time. I think you are projecting your desires on to him: if he's "busy" it's good for him and makes me feel like he's not as bad as he actually is.
With dementia and memory loss, the benefit of "activity" just keeps diminishing. You will exhaust yourself trying to be his entertainment committee. My Aunt with mod/adv dementia mostly sat and watched Disney DVDs all day, every day and our paid family caregiver ran her through a routine of other things to fill up her time. Honestly not sure it made any difference except to us, her family (and maybe also to avoid pressure sores from sitting). She was willing to fold kitchen towels (a purposeful task) and sometimes she complained about it. We would ask her to read a book out loud to us, which she did, and would play cards or board games using her own rules.
You can continue trying to incentivize him but you can't make him enjoy or benefit from it. In the end you need to decide how much you feel like working at it. I wish you peace in your heart as you figure things out.
Sitting and watching a wall must be perfectly enjoyable because a lot of dementia patients seem content doing just that. What's the harm? They aren't going to learn new things, or remember they have new shoes, or know what potato salad is. Just sayin'. Why make it harder on you and him than it has to be?
Most will pick up in the morning, provide a snack and a lunch and will return them home in the late afternoon.
While at the Program there are activiites that they can participate in if they choose to do so.
The important thing is your dad will be with others and "socialize".
He could also sit and do nothing if he wants.
But he would be out of the house giving you a break.
You have to realize that with dementia, depending on how advanced it is, it takes a LOT to do "something"
To go out for a meal to use your example...
He has to get ready, simple enough for you but for him..
At the restaurant he has to look at a menu
Try to read the menu (it helps if there are pictures)
Decide what he wants (unless you select for him, and if you do if you give him a choice of 2 or 3 things he STILL has to choose.)
Now with all this he still has to make conversation. I have read that it can take somene with dementia 30 to 60 seconds to hear, process, then formulate a response to a comment. In that length of time I am onto a totally different subject.
Add to that all the other noise that is going on in a restaurant. That adds to the confusion.
For someone with dementia "going out to eat" is not easy.
It will get to a point where is will also become unsafe for him to go out.
Going out for a walk can be just as problomatic.
Aside from feeding her, this has been the best distracting activity so far. Moving her around is too difficult now, but she’s constantly curious about stuff.
This is a horrible disease and I wish you the best…
Things can be wrapped unwrapped then wrapped again.
It is the exercise of opening a gift, seeing all the colors, being curious (or not) ... during the process of opening / unwrapping.
And a gift could be wrapped ... then wrapped again ... then wrapped again ... to make the process more interesting.
Gena / Touch Matters