They have 24/7 caregivers who do their best. It happens mostly at night in their bedroom. The wife had a stroke and cannot talk and is afraid to go against the husband. As the daughter/POA, could use any advise. We cannot put him into Memory care unless he does something harmful.
Thanks for any help!
Your partner's responsibility is to keep BOTH safe. Even if that means safe from each other.
Since there are caregivers there 24/7 if they hear or see ANY signs of abuse they are to call 911.
If he has been diagnosed with dementia the person that has POA can make the decision to place that person in Memory Care.
And I have to ask....you say you can not place him in MC unless he does something "harmful" .... Isn't physical abuse "harmful"? or do you wait until he pushes her down the stairs, or chokes her, or puts a kitchen knife to her throat? (each one of these happened to a friend of mine before her husband was placed in MC)
One option might be to place them in separate parts of the house.
If you knowingly allow this domestic violence to continue, you are complicit in a CRIME. It is emotional abuse, physical abuse, elder abuse and who knows what else. She is in danger.
The police will sort out where he needs to be after you file a complaint. Get the caregivers to record on their cell phones (video, audio) what is happening.
Check out https://www.thehotline.org where they have live chat with free counselors. Or call them at 1.800.799.7233 All communications are confidential.
I do not understand this. Memory Cares will not care for agressive or someone who could cause bodily harm to another. They have other residents to consider and not set up for this type of resident. If the husband is physically abusive call the police and have him removed. He needs help and should be placed on a facility where he gets medicated for this problem. I would refuse to have him back in the home because Mom is afraid of him and is not able to defend herself. MC maybe a possibility if the meds work.
I so hope parents assets have been split. If not, POA needs to see an elder lawyer. Dads split would go to his care, when gone, Medicaid can be applied for. Mom's split goes towards her care. She can remain in her home. More to this, but elder lawyer can explain.
Thanks again!!!
Set her up there. Leave Dad at home.