It took me a month to figure out that my mom wasn't receiving her mail at the house that we both live in. Without my knowledge, my mother and aunt changed her mailing address to my aunt’s house, which is 30 minutes away. I notified my aunt via text message that it was in my Mom’s best interest that her mail come to her home, being that I'm the one who's paying the bills. My aunt called me 13 times until I answered the phone. Once I answered she tried to insult my intelligence and cuss me out. It's been an ongoing battle of changing my Mom’s address. This last address change caused my mom to be furious with me and put me out of her house. It's unfortunate cause my mom doesn't remember her behavior. Whenever she would call my mom about her mail that she is constantly opening my mom becomes anxious, worried, and stressed out, causing her to attempt to drive over to her house or even go to the bank to figure out every transaction on her bank statements. One time, my mom drove to the bank five times. Another time she tried to go to the bank but couldn't do it, causing her to return home. Whenever I try to talk to my mom, she protects her sister and sides with her. Being that my aunt doesn't pay the bills, I don't understand why the mail has to go through her before l pay it. This whole situation has caused division between my mom and me. The stress is causing my mom to rapidly decline and I feel helpless. I'm being accused by my mom and aunt of playing games, stealing, and hiding information that is FAR from the truth. I don't tell my mom everything because I don’t like seeing what stress is doing to her mind or ask fifty question about something I’ve already taken care of, but how can I protect her when her sister is going against my decisions? This is the same evil woman who got mad at my mom and put her out of her car. My mom had no clue where she was. I sent a cab for my mom but the cab dropped my mom off 15 minutes away cause my mom doesn't know her address, let alone her cell phone number. What can I do? I'm tired and Very stressed out!!
As for the mail, probably start by making everything auto pay so nothing is late. I don't know why your aunt is being so in your face and defensive - something doesn't seem right with that. And your mom, given she has the beginnings of dementia, probably isn't remembering alot of what she says and does, but is trusting what her sister says because she if 'family'.
For the bank, if her doctor has declared you mother unable to handle her own affairs, there should be a letter that is provided stating as much. Take that letter, along with your POA to your mother's bank, and have the address changed to yours. And any other bills - do the same. But would suggest consulting an attry - even if it costs $100 or $200 - it would be worth lessening the stress and aggrevation.
Would a frank discussion about keeping Mom & her care needs front & centre help? Maybe Aunt IS wanting to help, or thinks she is.. like having the mail redirected but not realising the consequences. How her 'help' is unfortunately more like 'hindering'.
Is she older? Maybe has always looked out for her younger sister? Or a 'take charge' ex-Matron or something?
Even if a family talk is not a cosy fireside chat - if you both hear each other out, it may bring some new understanding? Then if still on opposing sides, well.. tell her how it will be. That you have POA & you will be acting for your Mom, in her best interests. If she cannot understand this, that's unfortunate for her, but it is how it is.
"To change your address by telephone, call 1-800-275-8777.
You should know the Postal Service does have systems in place to protect customers against unauthorized address changes. If a change of address has been submitted for you, the Postal Service will follow up with a Move Validation Letter. "
Source: https://www.uspsoig.gov/blog/changing-change-address-system?page=4#:~:text=To%20change%20your%20address%20by,with%20a%20Move%20Validation%20Letter.
I'm not sure how effective this is, but call them.
Is it possible to change back the mail address to a PO Box? Because your aunt won't know that info (unless your mother tells her) and I think it's required in order to make the change? Or do you think your aunt is going to the local PO in person to do this (pretending to be your mom)? If so, march over there with your PoA paperwork and talk to them about preventing this fraud.
Is it possible your aunt is looking for your mom's financial information for "other reasons"? Are you looking at your mom's bank and credit card statements very closely? I surely would. If your aunt is contacting your mother directly, I would end her ability for them to have any contact with each other. You can tell your mom a "therapeutic fib": her sister's out of the country, whatever it takes. If your mom is driving over there, this too must stop. If your aunt is coming over, well that's what a restraining order is for and you can tell her it's in process because of the identity theft or mail fraud. Tampering with the US Mail is a federal offense. What your aunt is doing is intolerable and you must take it very seriously. What she's doing is illegal and she needs a strong "shot across her bow" to make her stop...or else.
Be sure mom's bank has a copy of your POA on file. They may want their own POA, so be ready for some grumbling from them on that.
Your POA is in effect, so you may have to get an attorney to write a strongly worded letter to auntie telling her that she is exploiting an at-risk adult, which is a criminal offense.
Now I am a bit confused about your Mom's diagnosis and condition. Clearly she is in a deep state of dementia yet you several times talk of her getting into a car. I need to tell you you are also responsible now for surrendering, with her, he license because of dementia and getting DMV to give her an ID card. Go to DMV at once. You also need to disable her car so that it will not run, or eliminate said car as her POA and keep your own keys well hidden.
As to problematic aunt she needs a lawyer letter. You need to make it clear to her that further interference with your legal job of acting for your Mom will result in "stay away" order through the court. A restraining order in short. That is assuming that your mother IS DIAGNOSED WITH DEMENTIA, because if she is not, then the carts are all way ahead of the horses.
Good luck. What a mess. So sorry for it.
and PS, you may also want to give your Mom her own personal spending account; just be certain bills don't show up she thinks she needs to pay. This account worked wonders for my brother. I had all accounts and Trust accounts; he had a personal spending account. He actually was extremely relieved not to have any bills and to trust I would take care of everything; it was a huge burden off him and his mentation did nothing but improve after that.
Once you have what you need to inform Aunt that you hold the POA. That because if Moms incompetence, that the POA cannot be changed. That at this point she need to back off. That as POA you are in charge of her finances and paying of her bills. You need her mail to come to Moms address.
My nephew and grandson use apps to pay bills. I just started using one to pay my charge acct. Love it.