My mom’s neighbor is a nice guy who happens to be bipolar. Over the last month his behavior has become difficult. He is not taking meds. He would like to buy my parent's home, but insists it is at a price determined by him. Twice this week I have arrived to do work in the home to find things a mess. He has removed the screens from doors which I find in various areas of the yard. Mom’s deck furniture moved from the deck to the end of her driveway. Hose reel over near a neighbors driveway with that neighbors hose stretched into mom’s yard. Two days ago he came over and demanded I give him title to my dad’s car because he gave it to someone. I said to him he had no right to do so and politely attempt to extricate myself. He won’t let it go and you can’t get a word in. This behavior can go on for hours. It’s the second time in five days I have found the property this way. He demands that I donate whatever we get for the house and that we should not get anywhere near the homes value in a sale. I have reached my limit. I understand the party has issues, but when is enough enough ?
Neighbour must stay on his side of the fence. Tell him that. Repeat as needed.
If he is serious about buying any of the assets, have his representative (lawyer etc) contact you.
Regardless of health problems he is overstepping. Mental health issues are not a free pass to walk all over you or your property.
If he cannot adhere to reasonable neighbour boundaries - it may be time for law enforcement to spell them out.
What an exasperating and to me, potentially dangerous situation. My first thought is, he’s “nice” but what do you know about this person? Does he have a record, does he have any guns? Is he known in the neighborhood as a harmless eccentric or does he scare people?
You have the right to not have trespassing on your property and to sell the house to whomever you please as whatever price the market will bear. But I wouldn’t want you to inadvertently “set him off” while doing this.
Would you consider a call to law enforcement to discuss options?
Restraining order, served professionally. Have him arrested the next time you find him on the property.
Do not argue with the man. Tell him that the house and rest of the estate are in probate and no decisions concerning the house can be made yet. Make sure the house is secure. If the screens are off maybe because he tried to get thru a window. I would change the locks. I would also remove anything of value from the house. The car, move it to another location.
Have you ever seen the neighbor's relatives? Maybe talk to them? You can advise your neighbor to go home and keep a low profile for his own benefit.
Yes, remove the car from the premises.
Whenever we have a neighbor behave this delusional, (and we do), they are soon taken away on a 5150 hold, without us having to do anything. Fortunately, we are not anyone's current target, since I do not attempt to help or be kind anymore.
I would have a house sitter guard the property.
You could also notify the surrounding neighbors what is going on, and that you are NOT selling to him. He is trespassing.
You just don't need this problem.
I agree with all of the other posters when they urge you to call 911 and report this. Beatty is 100% correct, mental illness is not a free pass to be able to do whatever you think is right.
Unfortunately, it's going to take time for any agency who gets involved to be able to mitigate this problem.
In the meantime - is the property fenced? If not, I would fence it off ASAP. First, it clearly shows the property is not this neighbor's to wander on and off as he sees fit. Secondly, in some jurisdictions, it's a higher level of offense to enter fenced property without permission than unfenced property - it'll give law enforcement a little more leeway when they get involved.
I would keep records of every incident with this neighbor. Take pictures of everything. Make notes of every confrontation, including dates and times. The more documentation you have, the easier it's going to be if you need to bring this to court, especially if you want a permanent injunction. I would even contemplate staying at the house, if you can, and record when you see this person come onto the property - after you call 911.
Everything he's doing is bad enough - but the big picture problem is going to be when you go to sell the property - if he pulls things like this while the house is being shown, you're going to have a hell of a time trying to get someone to buy it...no one is going to want to "inherit" this mentally ill neighbor with their new home.
Good luck!
As for your neighbor, it may be time to have him committed.
The song "They're Coming To Take Me Away" sounds appropriate here
I'd also call Adult protective services and see if you can report him as an elder at risk - if he is 60 or older. He clearly isn't functioning very well and they may be the ones who end up getting an order for psychiatric services.
They can't disclose who made the call. Or tell you what happens.
Please be careful. Try not to engage with him. Having someone else with you is a very good idea. If you know other neighbors and can call them (not making a visit as he may see this as a threat to him in some way) and let them know that you are having difficulties with this man, and that he is not acting on your behalf in any way, that might help.
He is unstable and not able to control his own behavior.
I'm sorry all of this is happening so soon after the loss of your mother.
If you find that he has damaged the property you contact the police and you ask that charges be filed.
If he approaches you and you feel threatened, if he so much as raises his voice, steps onto the property you call the police. You get the idea.
Have a restraining order in place if need be. File an order of protection if you have to.
This person is going to make it difficult to sell the house when you have to.
If you do not think this person is safe to be living alone you contact APS.
Personal opinion the sooner you can get things cleared out and the house sold the better. If that is not the plan, if you plan on living there yourself I would probably rethink that plan. As long as this person connects the property to your mom things will most likely not change.
1. Document, document & document, with times, places and especially photographs. Neighbors might be willing to help with this.
a. After my father died, some of the neighbors toured his property to decide what they wanted. But one also kept an eye on the property and called me if something seemed amiss, such as when she observed two men "touring" the property, and peeking in one of the windows.
When confronted, one man pretended to be interested in buying, & gave the neighbor his cell number. When I called, he was livid because I "called him at work" (at the number HE gave). Discussing this later with a police officer, he agreed this man wasn't interested in buying; he was "casing" the property and house for a potential break-in.
b. The same neighbor caught a woman digging up plants in the front yard. When confronted, she said she wanted them for her yard. She wasn't someone the neighbor knew (and she knew most of the neighborhood residents). She saw nothing wrong with stealing plants! My neighbor put her on her cell phone after dialing me, and I spoke with her, took her number and told her I'd call her when I was ready to divide plants. I had no intention of doing so and never contacted her. I didn't call the police b/c plant stealing seemed so petty, and I know they're busy with more serious offenses.
(Had I thought of it then, I should have transplanted some poison ivy from my yard and then told her there was a special plant she could have.)
2. I considered but never got around to getting alarms for each window. I should have, just to keep the prowlers away. Something my father did for me years ago was to hammer in nails on the interior of the window sides, so that if anyone did try to break in, he/she could only raise the window a few inches, not enough for a human to fit through. Of course, he/she could always break the windows, which is what happened when my house was burglarized.
3. Use that documentation to apply for either a PPO (Personal Protection Order) or TRO (Temporary Restraining Order). The latter at one point in time would have required a court order, but a PPO (when we got one) could be obtained by you as (presumably) heir, Personal Representative (f/k/a Executrix) of your mother's estate, or you individually.
Contact your local Circuit Court (or comparable court level) and ask for instructions on getting a PPO. They've changed in content over the years and in my area have specific PPOs for family issues (such as divorce), vs. general issues.
In our area, Sheriff Deputies handle service. Not only is it unsafe for you to consider service, but it may not be legal. Court Rules have addressed this, specifically that some legal documents can't be served by the instituting party.
4. Try to avoid any conversation with him; it'll only be distorted in his mind, and might even contribute to more hostile behavior.
5. I completely agree that you shouldn't go there alone, not only for documentation purposes, for especially for your safety.
6. Most importantly, call the police ASAP and make arrangements to go to the home with police accompaniment. If they're not able to, raise the issue of his mental instability and preoccupation with your mother's home.
7. If affordable & you can get a contractor ASAP, have monitoring equipment installed, cameras for every angle, including the yard. I'm not familiar with the current generation of devices, but if you can get one with a sounding alarm, I would consider that. It will alert the neighbors, who also might call the police if they witness his unstable behavior.
8. Long term: do you know why he's pre-occupied with your mother's house? If he isn't removed to a safe place and/or helped medically, this may be an ongoing issue for sale of the house & for you personally.
I'm sorry this is so upsetting, especially after your mother's death.
I know how frustrating it can be to deal with an individual with bipolar issues, who has for whatever reason gone off their meds. You sound like you have been very patient with him and have some knowledge of him previous to this issue.
Is it possible that your mom was a stabilizing influence for him and he is acting out due to her loss?
Since this is a small community, perhaps some of your moms older neighbors know of his extended family and may be able to advise you of previous issues and how they were resolved. I’m assuming here that he is a long time resident. That may not be the case at all. Do you know if he owns the house next door or is he a recent renter? I guess I’m thinking if there is a landlord involved that might be useful information.
Regardless, I’m sure the last thing you want is for the situation to be escalated without resolution.
https://www.falmouthma.gov/444/Senior-Services-Senior-Center
This is the link to the area agency on aging in your area. Regardless of the age of your moms neighbor, this agency may be familiar with local resources for mental health. You are going to have to reach out to a government resource of some description.
If he has gone off his meds before, the local law enforcement may have experience from a previous episode.
I personally would hesitate to call 911 due to the unfortunate incidents that occur when police are called into an escalated situation with the mentally challenged.
Sometimes police have policies for bickering neighbors and have a protocol to go through before any real action can be taken. Then you are left with the interim fallout.
Here is a link to your local sheriffs department. They have a seniors program that might be the one you will be looking for. Often the sheriffs department gets the orders to pick up those needed to be committed for evaluation. That order usually comes from a judge. If you contact them, they may be able to guide you through the process. Often a claim Of them being a danger to themselves or others must be made.
They may be able to tell you.
http://www.bsheriff.net/about-bcso-2/departments/seniorprograms/
Good luck on getting this resolved. Please come back and let us know how it plays out. We learn from one another.
Hope this gets solved soon, and the ill person gets help soon.
They cannot be accessed without the police coming out.
Your reluctance to call out the police, sheriffs, or PET team is exactly why people with a bipolar disorder go off the deep end while not taking their medications-because they need the help before becoming dangerous to themselves or others. Sometimes, an ill person off their meds will commit crimes, like a mass shooting, or suicide, or suicide by cop.
Even though you have lost your mother, and no one else wants to deal with this neighbor, you are the one being bothered, and you are one of the neighbors at risk of potential harm. It is true that no good deed goes unpunished, but do it anyway.
Please call the police, do it now, call on their non-emergency number. The bipolar neighbor will have on record his past behaviors, as evidenced by the brother being burnt out by this neighbor's behaviors.
Social services, accessed through law enforcement's non-emergency sector, does.
Call the sheriff and discuss BEFORE this turns into an emergency and you have to call 911. That is when tragedies happen.
Here is a link to NAMI in your area.
http://www.namicapecod.org/Resources
Why are you reluctant to call the Police or APS? Andvthe neighbors he is bothering. This man needs help. He keeps taking off the screens to me means he is trying to get into the house.
Seems pretty clear that this man has untreated mental health issues.
He may not seem to be a physical threat - but his thinking is clearly not logical and he cannot incorporate what others tell him.
Hope that the sheriff's office is helpful. Try the local Area on Aging for guidance if the sheriff doesn't take you seriously.
Good luck.
" Yesterday the screens in my front door had been removed along with all clips. I don’t know what to do. The man needs to be in a facility to get his meds dialed in. He has been showing up at one of my neighbors house banging on windows and calling his name. He will up and leave his car for hours in their yard. Sometimes he leaves it running. He showed up at my home last Sunday, but thankfully our dogs was outside and she didn’t take kindly to his coming up our driveway. I called his brother to let him know what’s going on, but got no answer."
What IS the response from law enforcement, local or county? This man needs serious attention, now, and needs to be removed from the community. If you're reluctant to call, do so anonymously with your number blocked.
And on his behavior:
First, removal of the screens could be considered MDOP, Malicious Destruction of Property, and theft from property. I don't recall if either are a felony, but more likely a misdemeanor. I assume you've taken photos of the now screenless windows?
Second, banging on windows could be considered harassment, or some other type of misdemeanor (and possibly a felony depending on state laws.)
Third, Leaving (abandoning?) an unattended car could be considered under criminal laws as well, but I'm not sure what the exact charge would be.
Perhaps it's time for the neighborhood collectively to contact law enforcement.
I recall sometime ago when a squatter moved into my garden, rearranged the bricks in my paths and created a pile of them, apparently where he slept. I was back and forth from my house to my deceased sister's house and ill father's house, so I wasn't aware.
I contacted the police after a neighbor notified me; the officer reviewed the scene but said he wasn't going to arrest a homeless person just b/c he didn't have a place to live. I was speechless, even if I did respect the officer's compassion.
So I shared the info with the neighbors, and they individually and collectively complained to the police department. The squatter was then removed.
When you create a thread, copy the URL and save it; I use an Excel database for specific threads. I can then quickly copy the URL and check on any post that I'm following that hasn't recently been updated.
In this kind of situation you describe, "status quo" isn't helpful at all; in fact it could be harmful.
I can't recall specifically, but I do have vague memory of charges being filed (when I was a court reporter) against people who "knew or should have known" of a serious situation and didn't report it. There may be more culpability on your part if you don't report the situation and someone is later injured.
Then he wandered back to the house at which his crew was working, but also wandered to the next door neighbor on the other side of the home, walking on his precious grass (the guy was a grass freak).
A few days later a neighbor told me he had done the wandering bit again, but the neighbor handled it differently the second time than I ever would have. He went into the house, came out with a pistol, and pointed it to the "contractor."
The good neighbor told me half a dozen police cars were there in minutes. I don't recall the following action, but it was testament to how quickly police can act in a dangerous situation.
Make that call, now.
Follow your dog's advice, and don't let this "nice guy", whom you've "known for years" into your yard.