Can somebody recommend some good titles on both subjects? There are so many books and so little time to read them all. Which have been most helpful to you all. Also: What kind of personality disorders are "daughters of narcissistic mothers" prone to? :) :( !
There is a great site called daughtersofnarcissistcmothers dot com - just google the phrase. There is a lot of information which most find to be very helpful, not in labelling, but in recognising the games/pitfalls and helping you to get healthier. There are lots of resources in the internet -you can browse around and find what suits you best. My mother has Borderline personality Disorder, and is narcissistic. She is very difficult to deal with, and emotionally abusive. Anyone brought up in a home with adults who have these problems, certainly has struggles. Detaching is really important.
quote from the book
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Stop Walking on Eggshells
When someone in your life has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder
by Randi Kreger
Remember it's Detaching "With Love"
It's important to remember the "with love" part. Detaching with love is not a way of treating someone one else, judging them, controlling their action, or implying approval or disapproval. If the world were a store and someone came up to you looking for the auto parts section, detaching would be like saying, "I'm sorry, but I'm not the sales clerk. I don't know where the auto parts are; perhaps you can find a sales clerk at the customer service counter." It's not saying, "Let me find out for you," and it's not snapping "Do you see me wearing a uniform? No? Then leave me alone!"
Detaching is a method of setting boundaries to protect yourself. It can also mean that you give up the notion that you can control their behavior, and you stop allowing them to control yours. It’s hard. It takes practice. But for many, detaching works
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Good luck and let us know what you find. (((((((hugs))))) Joan
If you haven't read this book, it was worth the read for me. it made me realize how I was never going to make things better and to just move on. Hope it helps you.
I learned to disengage. It was not easy at first but over time and understanding, it finally clicked. Now mom is 82, alone and her "golden boy", who is also part of the problem, realize they may actually need me. Mom had a heart issue just before Christmas, my brother was able to spend a few days with her. She is fine, but it is very obvious she will need me if she is sick for an extended time. I am prepared and won't be manipulated. I can do this because I have educated myself about HER problem. Otherwise she and my brother would eat me alive. This is the dynamic of our family, sad but true. I have to know this or they would literally kill me with the stress.
If you have a Kindle or e-reader, look at the self help book section. There are many choices. And the Narcissistic Family that FairyDust recommends is a good one too.
Take care and I hope you find some peace in the coming new year.
Search on this site posts about narcissism. I am sure you will be reading for a while. I have read many, many posts from many people about their problems with a parent who exhibits selfish behaviors. The one thing to remember is that selfishness can be due to dementia or alzheimers. If you mother is not suffering with these conditions and this has been a life long problem, then she probably has a problem with selfishness or narcissism.
People who do not have a narcissistic parent can not begin to understand the damage these parents do to their children. Whether or not your mother is narcissistic would require a doctor's opinion, however, parents can do alot of damage even with varying degrees of this type personality.
It has taken me about two years to come to grips with my mother and her manipulating. She is a healthy 82 years old with no dementia or any other problem other than complete and total selfishness.
Good luck to you and keeping reading.
Karyl McBride looks good. I have just ordered it, Thanks for the thumbs up Madge
Also "Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder" Paul T. Mason (Author), Randi Kreger (Author) which has a workbook as well,. My mother has BPD and it narcisssistic. At this point I am considering NC (no contact) as the last session with her has affected my health negatively and I cannot afford it. I have been fighting to get my health back, for the last three years.
I have found there are a number of good sites on the internet -DONM is a favourite.
She is driving me crazy today...She treats me so differently than her friends...She treats me like a slave...while I'm taking care of her every damn need, she hasn't once asked me about myself...I need to stop raging at her...I have a real problem with anger and I can't seem to shake it...I just can't handle her criticising the other caregivers...this one is too passive, that one is too fat, on and on...bla bla bla...it's no use trying to get her to stop...I wondered today if she is always criticizing me about my body...her NPD is to blame for my body image and eating disorder when I was 11. Sorry for rambling but it's what my day is like.