I am a non-family member taking care of my boyfriend's mother. The power of attorney is this lady's eldest granddaughter and is attempting to place my boyfriend's mother in a rest home. She doesn't want to go to a rest home. The PoA has not provided heat to this home, but had removed the heater with false promises of providing heat. Hospice has been in house for a year now but my boyfriends mother still had a lot of life in her. I needed help with her so the PoA thought bringing in hospice would help and it has but his mom is barely qualified for it. I'm trying to get legal assistance to stop the power of attorney it I'm afraid I might be to late because a nurse was just here to do a TB chest ex ray for rest home placement. The power of attorney said nothing to me or my boyfriend about it. Just a txt saying a nurse was coming to do an X-ray. The X-ray tech is the one who told me why she was being X-rayed.
I am caring for someone, living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, broken hip, depression, diabetes, incontinence, and mobility problems.
About Me
Tired of living my life according to the needs of other people. I am creatively and intellectually gifted and a heyoka empath whos been practicing spirituality since 2006. Best way to describe me is to say I'm an unforgettable experience you're grateful for.
So, as much as you'd like to paint an ugly picture of the POA here, had the house been very cold or unlivable, in Mississippi, the hospice nurse would've called APS to file a report of a neglected elder.
Had the elder not qualified for hospice, per the very stringent Medicare requirements, she would not be accepted into the program. Period. Why you think she doesnt qualify with "age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, broken hip, depression, diabetes, incontinence, and mobility problems" is beyond me. Because she's not dying of stage 4 cancer right now, is THAT why she's "barely qualified for it"? Do you understand how hospice even works or what their mission is, or that elders often stay on hospice for 2 years before they pass?
A "rest home" can be an Assisted Living facility or a Skilled Nursing facility. Calling it a "rest home" indicates your lack of familiarity with managed care and all it provides......including heat and A/C 😁 And of course an elder can be placed in managed care w/o being declared incompetent! Having a need for care with ADLs (activities of Daily Living) is a valid reason for a SNF, and anyone can move into AL for any reason at any time. Memory Care Assisted Living requires a diagnosis of dementia only to be accepted.
The POA owes you no explanation of what she's decided is best for her grandmother.
You considering yourself "a heyoka empath and an unforgettable experience you're grateful for" does not, unfortunately, give you any rights to interfere in your boyfriend's mother's care plan moving forward. Stay in your own lane and bring the unforgettable experience of yourself to visit her in the rest home once she's settled. That'd be your best bet.
If she needs this much help she does belong in a facility. You and your boyfriend have no say in the matter.
Might be time to forge out on your own, get a job and find an apartment to move in to.
The POA is performing their fiduciary duties, this is good.
Let your boyfriend deal with this.
You are neither POA nor family .
You don’t know that this woman with dementia is competent. Most say they don’t want to go to a rest home. Based on your description of this woman on your profile she needs 24/7 care . It could be that the POA is wise and making sure this woman gets the care that she needs .
Whether the POA is in effect isn't based on competence unless it's written that way. She could have granted POA that took effect immediately.
I think there is more going on here than being said. Your living in this womans house. Maybe the granddaughter feels that granny will do better in an AL and needs to sell the house to accomplish it. This means you and BF will need to find another place to live. Granddaughter has the power. You do not because you are not a family member and not married to the son. If anyone should do anything its the Son.
I am in a situation where my wife is definitely NOT competent to make a decision (severe schizophrenia and dying of breast cancer) and hospice will NOT allow me, her POA to put her in a home because they are saying she is still able to make decisions. Guess it depends on your nurse, hospice, where you live and if the stars are aligned in your favor.
I am beyond disgusted with healthcare at this point
Even if she has a PoA, if the criteria for incapacity is not met, then the PoA has no legal power right now, either.
If you and boyfriend are currently caregiving and living in her home you are going to need to find a new place to live, because the home will likely be for sale, and you face eviction when his Mom is placed by the POA.
You currently have someone with stage four cancer and with dementia. It sounds on the face of it as though she MORE THAN qualifies for placement in a safe place, and for Hospice care.
A court fight for guardianship of this woman would cost upward from 10,000. I think your boyfriend would not win the case. You are certainly encouraged to take all your facts and visit an elder law attorney for advice and options. I think he will advise you to allow the placement and continue to support the loved one with loving visits.