I am the full time caregiver for my wife who has ALZ ( about stage 6-7). I have the POA, etc. for my wife. Can one of my daughters get custody of my wife and her estate by telling authorities that I am not a good caregiver. There has been a few instances, before I installed locks, when my wife wandered out of the house while I was asleep and the police found her.
Have you taken as many precautions as you think are possible, such as the locks, medic alert, lockbox, check-ins, etc.? In what areas do you think vulnerability still exists? I would address those to make sure that your wife and you are protected as much as possible.
I also would mention your wife's situation to neighbors and others who might provide visual observation if they see something amiss. In other words, take as many precautions to protect yourself against charges by your daughter(s).
Do you have any paid care assistance? If so, raise the issue of what else you can do with them. If they're contacted to provide their input, it could be more valuable than that of your daughters, who I suspect probably aren't very involved.
I do think if they were to pursue getting "control", it would be to contact APS, which would investigate. A guardianship hearing could be scheduled, but there's no guarantee that any of the daughters would get control, especially if there's contention. Then an outsider could be brought in and you can say goodbye not only to control but to your financial assets.
My experience with it wasn't favorable. They were asked to intervene in a situation in which a relative was not being cared for properly. After only a day or so, I was notified that they felt the caregiver was doing an adequate job, based on their so-called investigation, which included speaking with the sham so-called hospice the caregiving daughter had hired. Despite having been provided with photos of hoarding and unsanitary situations, they refused to intervene. They also said my relative was a few weeks away from death (she died several months later).
However, that was just in one county; other counties may have more aggressive staff.
What you can do is ask your daughter what her specific concerns are and how SHE would address them? The nurse daughter should be able to respond generally and specifically if she's sincere in her concerns.
In fact, what ARE the daughters' concerns? Are they legitimate or does it appear as if they're trynig to wrest control b/c of some other issues, such as getting control of your wife's assets?
I would suggest you all meet with a care manager to go over your wife's needs and how to best meet them, Perhaps if your children see you are willing to adapt and compromise they won't feel forced to take the drastic step of seeking guardianship.
I'm wondering why your daughter was unable to assist with the cleansing w/o fighting with your wife?
Older people don't get as dirty as younger, more active people, and they also have sensitive and drier skin. Cleansing isn't on the same schedule as it is for younger people.
I think C-Willie's idea is good though - conciliation rather than conflict.
And do some research on the cleansing issue. Your daughter as a nurse may have have little experience with older people, although just from what you write, it sounds as if there's a bit of a power play going on. How long has she been a nurse? Is she an RN, LPN? Does she work in a hospital or for a doctor's office? Makes a big difference.
I also was thinking the same thing as Garden Artist above regarding the daughter who is a RN. Does she have any geriatric training, or training in Alzheimer's/Dementia? There is a big difference in reading up on the subject and actually experiencing it first hand.