I am an RN and was taking care of my mom in a house she owns 1/3 and I own 2/3 . She decided on a price, with the intent for us to live then it would go to her 3 children. I gave her $100k to pay the share for one brother. I put another $100k into the house for updating. In March of 2020, the pandemic took over. Nurses were given a pre allotted number of paid hours off in which we all ran out of quickly. I got behind on my mortgage. My mom and I contacted my brother, a multimillionaire worth almost $50 million. This upset him so he threatened my mother, telling her if he gave her money and then she helped me, he would never be there for her again. We are different people. I volunteer in India and go to other countries to do the same and he finds it to be unnecessary. Both of my brothers said they were not interested in the house. They also never have been a big part of my mom’s life. Regarding her care; she didn’t need a lot of help. She was moving in the direction of not being able to be at home 24/7 alone safely. She has PSVT which at times was hazardous, depending on the task at hand. She had an increased trend of recent falls. The pandemic brought on some unforeseen problems as it did for many people. My brother, whose home building business thrived during the pandemic decided a meeting was necessary concerning my mother and her future care. I was not included. I was her POA, primary caregiver and my profession was a nurse. Wouldn't they want opinion of someone holding this role in my mom’s life. Upon returning from the meeting, she shared with me she was moving out and the house would be going up for sale. She assured me the proceeds from the house would go to me. My brother began a campaign to isolate and ostracize me from the family and that all proceeds of the sale of the house would go to my mom. He was no longer interested in providing financial help for my mom’s new living situation he created and was more expensive. She has always had a modest monthly income from my dad’s pension and and her own retirement from working as a nurse. He is keeping a very close eye on her spending. This began with selling her car and replacing her Tesla with his daughter's jeep from the early 2000’s. I felt her anxiety and asked her to come back to the house, but said no. I believe she passed on the offer because of my brother and to move to smaller room.. She had always lived in the master, I wanted her to be comfortable. I had been told I may have bone cancer as a result of imaging completed after an accident. I am not able to work anymore. This does not concern anyone in my family, so they are basically pushing me to the streets. My mom who I was very close to is scared. I know her well and although she is being cruel, she feels she must do whatever he says. My son who also moved out and was greatly affected. Our close and loving relationship has been strained and almost destroyed as a result of the pain he felt from their behavior. I am still in the house, paying the mortgage, only because of an awesome roommate. They are constantly trying to put the house on the market even though I have been told it would be unsafe for me move and try to build a new life in my current state of health. With great sadness, I spent the first Christmas in my life alone because of current family dynamics. What can I do to ensure my mom is safe? My son is in contact with the family and feels she is being threatened, as well. Unfortunately, she will deny it out of the fear she has for my brother. Like her I also put a lot of money into this house and was relying on it for my retirement which is coming sooner than predicted. We have no paperwork we trusted each other entirely. I am going to apply for disability. I gave up a lot in life because I knew I never wanted her in a facility. Would my time with her be counted for anything? Also does the Filial Law come into play at all here? I have nothing in the way of savings now. I just have the house.
“We have no paperwork we trusted each other entirely.”
this won’t be easy. i hope many people have good ideas for you!!
I cannot tell if your Mother is competent or incompetent; if she is competent your POA counts as nothing.
I cannot tell if you are ON the deed of the home or NOT on the deed of the home. If you are ON the deed of the home then whatever amount is stipulated as being owned by you GOES TO YOU upon sale. If the deed is only on Mom's home and only Mom is on the deed, and Mom wishes to sell her home to provide for her care, then she may do so. She owes you nothing unless you have a clear contract written and witnesses as the law of your state stipulates.
No matter HOW MUCH money your brother has he is not responsible for you nor will he be help responsible for a mother who still has assets. As to what happens when there are no assets for her care, that is up to your State and its laws.
As you can see, you need an attorney, Karma. Do know that it matters nothing what you "gave up" nor what you did for your Mother. If there was no contractural agreement then no one owes you anything for what was your own choice.
You are an RN. I full well know the pay that one can get, a traveling nurse well over 62.00 an hour in the Bay Area here. So you will have to forget about any money for the home if you are not on the deed, and go back to work now. You are badly needed in your profession; there is a terrible shortage.
As to trust, this is a costly lesson, because if there is no paperwork then IT NEVER HAPPENED. That is pretty much the law of our land.
Good luck. See that attorney. Hope you will update us.
i think OP will have a lot of difficulty:
“We have no paperwork we trusted each other entirely.”
Leaves the house to her mother's 3 children? (Karma is one of the 3 children?)
And does not have an inheritance to leave Karma's own son....
This story is so convoluted, whether or not there is a written contract, just unbelievable, with a hint that Karma is estranged even from her own son who was forced to move out.
Please, please, prove me wrong. I'm not buying it.
So tired of these amazing stories, imagined, with twisted lies.
And Karma has the house, but her son moved out...
Concerning your, “bailing out” statement. Who really is being bailed out here? If possible, you must try to get out of your self-absorbed mind to understand this. At that point in my life, I looked at caring for my aging parent from the perspective that it was my moral obligation to care for my mother. Mutually, this obligation along with my personal thought that anytime I was able to spend with my mom would be positive since she was getting older. Therefore, I gave up many things in my personal life and occasionally time at my career to do this for her. A career as a charge nurse at the local hospital in a department of the ER I made a mere $62-$70 an hour. I did this saving the lives of people, who like you when taking a last
breath beg for a telephone suddenly wanting to be absolved of their sins and demand the acceptance for their apology for all their horrific behaviors shown to family members during their lifetime. A life, while although you may have appeared to be physically healthy, you greedily accumulated a vast amount of wealth often at the expense of others during your miserably selfish life. This is when people like my brother made over 5 million in “reported” income while also laying off employees because of the pandemic. He did this even though his profits skyrocketed that year. I guess if he did help at this time his wealth of his close to 40 million would have been at risk and he may have lost a million or two and need some ”bailing out.”
Second, mocking the statement I made of not having anything in writing is only showing your likelihood of you, like my brother would rather leave his aging mother and now sick sister to rot in the streets. Is there a problem with trusting your family? I know our society has created it to be the norm. However, I bet you trusted your parents to provide for you and give you the childhood you likely felt so entitled to. Well, I didn’t get that childhood. Also, as my brother belittled me over the phone to my mom, he also showed his paranoia by asking if the conversation was being recorded. If he didn’t have anything to hide or be ashamed of, why did he even mention that?
It appears you like him are not only materialistic and voraciously self-absorbed, but also setting double standards. When you are finally able to see that you are not omnipotent and have enormous flaws. When you lay dying in a hospital bed. You will come to realize that the empty and alone feeling you have is the result of your revolting ways to achieve your wealth. In the end you will end up paying in spades for your immoral behavior and the karma life brings to people who have no compassion for other human beings. I say this because you will be the first person demanding that your children be there for you. Likely very pissed off if they are not. Worse yet, for not providing not only financial help but emotional support to your egotistic soul.