Petrasmall12 Asked March 2022
Can you suffer from burnout after a loved one's death?
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My grandmother passed away January 1st of this year. Before that, I already had signs of burnout and really never did anything about it. It’s been 2 months now since her death and I can’t seem to go back to the things I used to do...
I loved to clean and cook but now it’s so hard to do. I’m always tired and really don’t feel like doing anything. I recently got a job. I really needed one to help my parents with the house. I don’t know if that’s part of the reason why I’m this way.
I honestly don’t know what to do.
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So cut yourself some slack...two months is just a blink of an eye. I think that being emotionally drained takes a long time to overcome. The one thing that has helped me is that a couple of times I have done something for someone else who has lost a close relative (cooking;visiting). It energized me to do something good for someone else
I'm sorry about the loss of your grandmom
As the other members have mentioned, you are probably suffering from Depression, which can be normal.
I would suggest you find a psychiatrist if you have not done so already. He/she can be a big help trying to get you through this trying time.
Places, people and things may not be the way they were before her death, which is something else to adjust to.
Blessings.
and i hope your mother is ok! and you!
:)
:)
have a wonderful time riding horses!! beautiful, strong, kind animals.
wind on your face; the rhythm of the horses; freedom.
hug!!
You are not alone in your feelings and thank you for being brave enough to admit something is wrong.
Stay Inspired
1 - Go see a medical doctor. You may have some physical issues that need to be addressed so you can feel more energetic.
2 - Go see a psychiatrist of counsellor that can help evaluate and treat mental health issues. It is not unusual for death of a loved one to create all sorts of feelings. Dr. Kubler-Ross outlined the usual process of grief stages:
Stage 1 - "denial" - the feeling that this can't be true
Stage 2 - "anger" - the feeling that this isn't fair or right
Stage 3 - "bargaining" - ineffective methods to bring back the usual or normal life before the loss
Stage 4 - "depression" - the sadness when realize the loss is permanent
Stage 5 - "acceptance" - the feeling of peace and wholeness after the loss
You might just be going through the depression phase or you might have some underlying depression which can be treated successfully.
3 - Make time to recharge your "batteries" daily and weekly: sleep 7-9 hours every day, do something enjoyable to at least 1 hour daily and more so on days off, and develop friendships with people who nurture you.
4 - Consider nurturing your faith. As a Christian, I find that time spent talking to God and reading His words to me help me to feel more at peace and focused.
The 5 stages, which fluctuate, are:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
The sixth stage is thought to be Finding Meaning, b/c many caregivers lose themselves during the long, arduous road they found themselves on for so long. Then after the loved one dies, they ask NOW WHAT?
The link Connie provided you with goes into detail about the 6th stage and offers a book about the entire subject matter. Excellent site to check out.
Wishing you the best of luck with your situation.
Perhaps you can locate a grief counselor in your area. I found that by doing volunteer work, it got me out of my own depressing thoughts and gave me hope.
Sounds like you are still fulfilling a lot of needs but your own. Give yourself permission and time to grieve, and to recover, physically and emotionally.
Give yourself a break. A few years ago my full time paid caregiving job ended abruptly. I worked for one invalid who was bedbound from LBD. Then my father died in the nursing home six weeks later. He was still new to the place so I had these people harassing me night and day. One time their business office has called 17 times in one day. It didn't even stop on weekends. Every waking moment of my life was about an elderly person, their care, and who's getting their money. Of course my own elderly mother was still sniping at me night and day.
Even though it all stopped, I was couldn't just snap out of crisis mode and living on caregiver time. Every time the phone rang I was overcome with dread. The nursing home wasn't calling anymore. I wasn't working for the invalid client whose family depended on me for everything anymore.
I had plenty of money and did not have to go back to work right away yet I was so exhausted I could barely get up from bed in the morning.
You need to take a break even if it's a little at a time. Make a date to go out with friends once a week. Do something you enjoy regularly. Like go to a movie or taking a daily walk. Go on vacation if you can. It will help.
There's no norm for this. Only you know how you feel, so allow yourself to grieve and mourn as much and for as long as you need. For many, it takes as long as a year to get back to some sort of normalcy.
Make a simple daily schedule that includes walking, something creative, and household tasks. Join your neighborhood association. Volunteer at a nursing home, hospice or other helping place. Journal, but set aside one day every two weeks to read it. With every review you will see improvement.
Try writing out some of your feelings. You can buy a notebook or composition book and write down what you are feeling, write letters "to your grandmother," write about your sadness, your anger your confusion--anything that comes to mind. No one else ever has to read these things. You can throw your notes away if you want to, but writing them down helps you recognize and articulate your feelings and puts your thoughts somewhere outside of your head and off "the hamster wheel" that is clouding your brain and your ability to function.
Getting back to what is more normal for you can take time. Don't rush yourself. It takes as long as it takes. There is no "should" in grieving.
You’ve been on quite a roller coaster ride. Here’s the list:
caregiver
caregiver burnout
grandmother’s death
grief from grandmother’s death
new job
All of these are major life events and transitions and explain why you are feeling as you do. Give yourself the time to heal emotionally and adjust to these changes. You sound like an amazing young woman!
Best wishes to you!
After eight years, I am trying to get in touch with what I need. What do I enjoy(?) What is my future plan(?) I looked up free online training courses in the programming language SQL and attempted the first lesson. After a total mind freeze I closed the session discouraged. Walked away. Twenty minutes later, something clicked and I went back into the session and completed it (!)
Spring is here. Pussy willow, crocus, snowdrops. Trees getting their buds. I remember something like “no Winter lasts forever, no Spring misses a turn”. Let it happen.
I’m burnt out atm while caring for Mum and I often wonder how I’m meant to just keep going....
I’ve used up so much of leave etc while caring for Mum that I’m greatly stressed about how I will survive when the day arrives that she is no longer here. I know I’ll be an absolute mess and massively burnt out and I don’t have ANY other family to lean on. I’m scared I’ll lose my job and with that many other things.
in fact, I find myself sometimes fantasizing about those clinical trials they advertise. Booking myself into be a test bunny and just laying there and treating it like a rehab for myself. It’s the only way to earn while laying down doing nothing for several weeks! You know perhaps that would give me time to heal! That’s pretty much my back up plan atm.
Is it weird that I crave to be in such an environment where I’m catered for / cared for?!?! Do these kind of thoughts cross your mind or anyone else reading this?
I wish there was some kind of carer rehab to get all that energy back!
I also used used to love cooking, cleaning, going to gym etc. now I just have absolutely no energy with brain fog !
I dont think 2 mths is a long time if you were close! It will take time and our bodies are in habit. Start with baby steps!! x
Sorry for the loss of your grandmother. Believe me when I say you are not alone in our grief (or, your life). It says so much about you that you were close to your grandmother (many don't get this chance). I loved my grandparents and wish I could have talked with them so much more... they lived in a different country.
As a young child, I attended (too many) funerals because my parents had large families (many of my uncles and aunts died young).
My father passed away when I was 18 (he was 45). That was difficult and basically tore our family apart in many ways. Life doesn't seem fair,
Give yourself time, be good to yourself. In time, you'll realize how wonderful it was that you had this precious time with your grandmother.
I always feel like they are with us... Love is eternal... it's 'energy'... and, energy never dies.
Enjoy this miracle of life you were given. This is what your grandmother would have wanted for you.
Be happy.
Blessings
🌹🕊
It is still early days in your loss. Right now, pray lots and put one foot in front of the other, doing what you must while you grieve your loss and find your new balance. Time truly does help us heal, especially when you give it ALL to Jesus.