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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Because Capgras Syndrome is a problem with visual processing, sometimes establishing/initiating contact verbally before someone sees you helps.
Does your father have a cell phone or separate line? Could you text him while talking to Mom and let him know she having an "episode"? Then your father could leave the room where your mother is and let you talk to her for a few minutes and calm her down and/or distract her. Dad could call from out of sight "Honey I'm home" or 'Where are you darling?", wait for your mother to answer and then enter the room.
I saw a variation of this work as a child with a WWII soldier who had a skull injury requiring a metal plate in his head. His wife and daughter ran a ceramic shop at their home and my mother attended classes while the attendees' children played in the yard or on the porches (at least until we were old enough to paint ceramics ourselves). Mr Brown was usually a fun grownup to be around and the first couple of times I saw his wife and daughter tag team this way I thought he was just joking around.
Maybe you could reduce the number of times this happens by placing Mom's customary chair with the back to interior doorway?
I never heard of Capgras Syndrome - but the last 6 months, my DH would ask where Linda was - yes, I am Linda.
My solution was to put on a light and then stand there and wait for him to recognize me - it generally took a few minutes but made him feel better when he finally would recognize me.
I was wearing Dormshirts (modern day housedresses) and of course, every day I had a different color shirt on. He was looking at the color of the shirt instead of me. Instead of arguing with him, I found just standing there looking at him helped him to finally focus on me. I know his vision was going.
Don't argue with the belief. That just makes the person angrier and more convinced they are right. Go with the emotion. Acknowledge her fear, frustration, and anger. Change the focus or redirect her. “Oh, guess what, Mom? I saw our old neighbor Jane Smith today! She said to say hi! Remember the time we...” This is when the Therapeutic Fib works. And you know, if she’s calling frequently, you don’t always have to answer the phone.
if its a neurological problem, you might consult a neurologist for advice.
When this would happen with my mom, I tried different approaches. What helped always depended on her mood and depth of her delusional state.
- Laugh about it and tease. “You’re so silly! You know it’s me Mom!”
- Stand where she can see my face and tell her who I am. “Hi Mom. It’s me ______.”
- Say nothing and walk out of the room for a while. If you have to be in the room, keep a calm attitude. Speak minimally and softly. Step away as soon as you can.
Whatever the cause of the problem, do what you can to help Mom to feel reassured. It must be so frightening to not know who is in your home.
Disagreeing and arguing about who someone is will lead to feelings of paranoia - that she is being lied to - and more agitation/fear.
I also found that Mom would not recognize me because her mind may have wandered backwards in time. My father in law would often not recognize my mother in law because he remembered her (or himself) as being young - not 80 years old. A gentle reminder about everyone’s age sometimes helped - “Oh, well I’m not as young as I used to be. Do I look older now?”
Mom even went went as far back as her 20’s - telling me she had no children. It was supremely hurtful for me, but I learned the hard way that being upset and disagreeing didn’t help at all.
Keeping a gentle affect/demeanor and focusing on other things (distraction and redirection) helped most often.
Lastly - taking photos of Mom with people and showing them to her often helped. If she could see herself smiling in a photo with someone, she would be more trusting of them - even if she couldn’t remember who they are. I do this with her doctors, therapists, caregivers, etc. and, I write the name of the person in the back of the photo -“Mom with Dr. ________.”
Is there an underlying condition, such as dementia or PD, or it this the only issue your mom has? She probably should have a thorough checkup with a specialist to rule out any underlying cause. Looking it up just now, there is no real definitive "treatment", however some anti-anxiety meds might help. A specialist could suggest some medications.
As for the situation as it stands, I take it mom and dad still live alone with each other. Can dad be "presented" as a good friend of dad's who is there to watch over/help mom while dad is "at work" or "running errands"? Dad would have to learn to play the game, so to speak.
How to care for someone with Capgras syndrome Caring for someone with Capgras syndrome can be emotionally demanding, especially if you’re the one they perceive as the imposter. To help someone with Capgras syndrome, here are some strategies to try:
Enter their realm of reality when possible. It can help if you try to understand how terrifying it must be for them. Don’t argue with them or try to correct them. Do what you can to make them feel safe. If you’re unsure what to do, you can ask them what they need. Acknowledge their feelings. If possible, have the “imposter” leave the room. If this is you and you’re the caregiver, let someone else take over until the episode is over if you can. Rely on sound. If you know someone is prone to Capgras syndrome, you can make sure the first way they register your appearance is with sound. Greet them out loud before you see them when possible.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Does your father have a cell phone or separate line? Could you text him while talking to Mom and let him know she having an "episode"? Then your father could leave the room where your mother is and let you talk to her for a few minutes and calm her down and/or distract her. Dad could call from out of sight "Honey I'm home" or 'Where are you darling?", wait for your mother to answer and then enter the room.
I saw a variation of this work as a child with a WWII soldier who had a skull injury requiring a metal plate in his head. His wife and daughter ran a ceramic shop at their home and my mother attended classes while the attendees' children played in the yard or on the porches (at least until we were old enough to paint ceramics ourselves). Mr Brown was usually a fun grownup to be around and the first couple of times I saw his wife and daughter tag team this way I thought he was just joking around.
Maybe you could reduce the number of times this happens by placing Mom's customary chair with the back to interior doorway?
My solution was to put on a light and then stand there and wait for him to recognize me - it generally took a few minutes but made him feel better when he finally would recognize me.
I was wearing Dormshirts (modern day housedresses) and of course, every day I had a different color shirt on. He was looking at the color of the shirt instead of me. Instead of arguing with him, I found just standing there looking at him helped him to finally focus on me. I know his vision was going.
Good Luck hon.
Go with the emotion. Acknowledge her fear, frustration, and anger. Change the focus or redirect her. “Oh, guess what, Mom? I saw our old neighbor Jane Smith today! She said to say hi! Remember the time we...” This is when the Therapeutic Fib works. And you know, if she’s calling frequently, you don’t always have to answer the phone.
if its a neurological problem, you might consult a neurologist for advice.
When this would happen with my mom, I tried different approaches. What helped always depended on her mood and depth of her delusional state.
- Laugh about it and tease. “You’re so silly! You know it’s me Mom!”
- Stand where she can see my face and tell her who I am. “Hi Mom. It’s me ______.”
- Say nothing and walk out of the room for a while. If you have to be in the room, keep a calm attitude. Speak minimally and softly. Step away as soon as you can.
Whatever the cause of the problem, do what you can to help Mom to feel reassured. It must be so frightening to not know who is in your home.
Disagreeing and arguing about who someone is will lead to feelings of paranoia - that she is being lied to - and more agitation/fear.
I also found that Mom would not recognize me because her mind may have wandered backwards in time. My father in law would often not recognize my mother in law because he remembered her (or himself) as being young - not 80 years old. A gentle reminder about everyone’s age sometimes helped - “Oh, well I’m not as young as I used to be. Do I look older now?”
Mom even went went as far back as her 20’s - telling me she had no children. It was supremely hurtful for me, but I learned the hard way that being upset and disagreeing didn’t help at all.
Keeping a gentle affect/demeanor and focusing on other things (distraction and redirection) helped most often.
Lastly - taking photos of Mom with people and showing them to her often helped. If she could see herself smiling in a photo with someone, she would be more trusting of them - even if she couldn’t remember who they are. I do this with her doctors, therapists, caregivers, etc. and, I write the name of the person in the back of the photo -“Mom with Dr. ________.”
Very best of luck to you and your Dad.
As for the situation as it stands, I take it mom and dad still live alone with each other. Can dad be "presented" as a good friend of dad's who is there to watch over/help mom while dad is "at work" or "running errands"? Dad would have to learn to play the game, so to speak.
Caring for someone with Capgras syndrome can be emotionally demanding, especially if you’re the one they perceive as the imposter. To help someone with Capgras syndrome, here are some strategies to try:
Enter their realm of reality when possible. It can help if you try to understand how terrifying it must be for them.
Don’t argue with them or try to correct them.
Do what you can to make them feel safe. If you’re unsure what to do, you can ask them what they need.
Acknowledge their feelings.
If possible, have the “imposter” leave the room. If this is you and you’re the caregiver, let someone else take over until the episode is over if you can.
Rely on sound. If you know someone is prone to Capgras syndrome, you can make sure the first way they register your appearance is with sound. Greet them out loud before you see them when possible.