I would just like to have a little healing time myself and wondered what feelings other caregivers have to deal with nastiness and vitriol. What tools do they use to stop being constantly hurt? At no time do I retaliate when my mother starts. I just bite my tongue and cry when I get home.
My mom was always nasty though from as far back as I can remember. Eventually, if you deal with it enough you'll still hurt, but anger will come to your rescue...better pissed off than pissed on... I'm sorry you guys have to deal... No fun there for sure... :/
Since her only condition was age-related decline, I decided to stop being her punching bag. I did, however, keep the lines of communication open in case she wanted to share her grief or just shoot the breeze.
I didn't make any threats I wasn't going to carry out; and she knew it.
She felt horrible and apologized. Said she will not call me names and will work on talking to me before being so harsh. She has bipolar disorder so it's not easy for her to do all this but I know she'll try.
Talk with your mother. Lay it out to her. Remind her when she gets this way that you understand she is frustrated with getting older but it's not easy for anyone and being verbally abusive doesn't make it any easier.
I wish I could give you ideas for dealing with it, but I have none. I generally hold my tongue, maybe go to the bathroom and cry a bit, then go back out. By that time, she has forgotten whatever flared her up and we start again. I continually remind myself that she does not know what she is saying, that she would never talk to me that way and would be appalled if she knew. I pray for patience (and hurry up!) and go on. Must admit though, it is SO HARD!!
As for the "hat and coat" method, not everyone can do that. I cannot leave my mother alone for any amount of time and there is nobody else to stay with her. About a month ago, while I was in the bathroom in the morning, she got the car keys, took off for 5 hours and ultimately wrecked the car. THANKFULLY she was not hurt, nor did she hurt anyone else or their property.
I'm just fine, thanks for asking! Since I changed my phone number and leave it off the hook often so the NH can't bug me with every little thing I don't have the stress of dreading and dealing with the afternoon screaming, fight picking phone calls and I'm feeling so much better. Spring is just around the corner and I'm planning my gardens, along with more renovations. I'm finally free!
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