I'm really struggling here! I'm to leave my folks home today travel across country to my where I live. I lost my job while caring for my parents within a week of my leaving. I had time to cover 3wks vacation, and roll over FMLA of which I wasn't going to use unless necessary. I worked extremely hard to find my folks money they didn't know they even had. Get their bills paid up, set up auto pay. Find an in home care giver, get the to doctors, you name it. Anyone on this site knows what I'm talking about. However there have been a lot of hurt feeling, my folks don't even remember most of what my dad has said or done, due to his dementia, my mother has dementia too. I've been here a month and feel like I nuts now. No job to go back to no insurance I've my own medical issues. I'm scared worried and feel terrible about responding in anger to my folks. I've lost everything to come here, they can only grasp it for a short time. What's worse is 3yrs ago I had this all rapped up with a contract on a condo, in an assisted living community 3 miles from where I live, with everything they would ever need, but they didn't want to move. I saw this coming a long time ago, that there living across country could cost me my job, my home, my live, be very expensive to care for them long distance. Today I'm to drive back to what feels like nothing. I'm sad that there is resentment and can't seem to get pass it right now. I don't want to leave like this, hard to pray.
Two cents your right I hope and pray I don't see the boyfriend again, your right he is a narcissist his daughter told me that several years back. He has some good attributes, but I hope I've learned my lesson here. His insurance agent called said that boyfriend wasn't at fault, really, so now I have to pay for it. I had words with the ex-boy friend he said he'd pay but I haven't heard a word from him. I've had so many losses this past 6 six weeks I'm still reeling from them all. I've been slowly trying to put the pieces back in my life. I've been told not sure who will hire me spend money to train me if I get a job knowing at anytime I would have to get back to Virginia!
Macada, moving back to Virginia would seem to me the only solution, the thought seen shivers up my spine, it's so hard being here with them 24 -7. I love my crazy sick self centered duel dementia parents but they get on my last nerve then I start to get sick loss weight, anxiety attacks. Just don't know what the answers are right now just taking a day at a time!
God Bless you all for being here to talk with, I was so lonesome till I found this site! Big Hugs!
This economy is hard... very hard. Think all you can do is just hit the pavement and just apply to job after job. Everyone has different energy levels.. some do a lot, and are never worn out, others can do only 2 or 3 things and are done for the day... so, all you can do is try. I understand these things: job hunting is absolute hell.
You cannot make stubborn old buggers move, but (and here's another question) what happens when no one days anything? The state may (or may not) come in and remove them? that is the problem: these old buggers cause the problems and everyone else has to pay for them. (this is a universal equal opportunity problem).
hang in there.
As for anger, oh my gosh...how can you NOT be angry at your folks. They weren't dummies..they could see the handwriting on the wall as they were getting older. I'd say they had their heads in the sand, but then so did mine. My dad is now in a good place, but when mom and he were alive they were getting older and beginning to whine about not having any of us close but refused to move. My brother's and I would have been in the same boat had mom lived. All of living states away from elderly parents who needed us because they didn't want to "burden" us. HA...that would have been a worse burden then them coming to live near one of us, as you are finding out now.
I fought being angry with Mom when she was sick. She was diagnosed and died two month's later, and we took advantage of Dad's shock to get him settled in near my older brother in his hometown. It was a whirlwind three months in the doing, but we got it done. I miss mom terribly and hate that she got sick and died that fast, but then again I can't help thinking we really missed a bullet...the same type bullet that's struck at you and hit you square on. And then I feel guilty for feeling that way. So believe me, I understand the guilt...but also know it's unfounded. Hope after reading all these posts, you realize that your guilt is unfounded too. You have gone above and beyond!
I will always live near my daughter...they move, we move. We've already done it once and we'll do it again. Afraid she's stuck with us for life, literally. I don't want to put her through what you are going through, bless your heart.
Bet there's something good waiting for you when this is all over...hang in there!
You'll always have people on here who will listen and share the ups and downs with you. It's a wonderful place with lots of wisdom and caring people.
My dad has really been in bad shape raging most of the day. I've had to watch him around mother he gets so loud. She can hardly walk he try's to help but pulls on her so afraid she will fall. I've noticed he really gets aggressive during the day and now all evening. But at least my day had enough common sense left to realize I wasn't the responsible party who was driving my car at the time it was damaged! Amazing that even with dementia knows better! People with the disease of dementia once very productive respected achiever's now reduced to being prisoners of their own minds!
Hope you work things out!
It sounds like your former employer was extremely unfair since you had the vacation coming. This really is a nightmare for you. Also, with the Family Leave Act, many are granting unpaid leave for elder care. Obviously your former employer wasn't one of those. I'm so sorry.
The fact that you had everything arranged for your parents 3 years ago makes this even more frustrating.
One huge issue for many caregivers is that we can give up nearly everything to care for our parents and then those with dementia, which is many, don't remember a thing. So, we can't do this to receive their appreciation.
Try to take one step at a time. Do your best to detach from your parents' problems as your drive away toward your home and lost job. Seek the help of friends when you get home to shore up your grief and maybe help you land a new job. Check on your parents when you can. You've set up a support system for them, so now it's time for you to concentrate on you.
Wishing you the best in finding a superior job and a better life. We're cheering for you and would love to hear back.
Carol
This type of situation is becoming more and more common as doctors strive like hell to keep bodies alive as long as possible, and don't seem to worry too much about the minds that are in them. Then they get tossed into our laps, and here we are....in your type of detrimental situation. You've done what you can.
Have you thought about finding work in your parents area? Do you have a place to stay when you get to where you're going? Friends, other family? I don't like the thought of you being alone, and yeah, going back to what seems like nothing...
I hope all will be well, and that you'll get a brand new start to your life. *hugs* Resentment, anger....it'll blow over once you're on the right road once more...Next time, if you have to leave work again for your parents, request a leave of absence for a month or so. I would hope that most places would allow people that kind of break, without fear of losing their jobs... Did you try it? If so, what did your boss say?