I’m 20. I’m glad to say I’ve had my mom for 20 years, mom's always been sick but these past years have been especially hard, these past days have been terrible, she’s always in pain, always out of breathe, obese, and I feel like I’m just watching her die, she’s bitter and depressed, mom is 70, and is hard to talk to. I don’t know how to be therefore her every time I see her it pains me because I’m watching her die right before my eyes , end stage congestive heart failure comes with this terrible cough , mom coughs every 5 minutes , I’m not ready to lose my mom guys, is there anything anyone can tell me to help this situation go better or more peaceful? I don’t want to lose her.
It sounds like you need hospice support although mother may not want it. This will help you and your father. With diminishing capacity and less oxygen, this may be contributing to her thinking. Her doctor may recommend it and you may be able to decide for her. I had to talk with my mother's doctor who evaluated the need.
Talk to her doctor and have him do a Hospice evaluation. There comes a time when even the most mentally competent patient has to give a little. If they can give her some relief, your days with her will hopefully be a little better and you'll have good memories. It's never easy losing your mom at 20, no matter how it happens. Taking care of ill, aging patients is overwhelming and frankly awful. I don't have any regrets with how I handled the last year of my mom's life, despite her frequent complaints and demands. That is my advice - no matter what happens, it will be easier on you if you can feel the same way at the end.
https://www.medicare.gov/what-medicare-covers/what-part-a-covers/how-hospice-works
You are correct, Medicare will not pay for a home aid, but it will pay for limited home health care (from a nurse or PT/OT therapist) upon approval. This is why you only got 3 visits, that is what Medicare determined was necessary. I had to learn a lot about Medicare because both of my folks had multiple issues after they hit 65. We were lucky, my mom had secondary coverage as a retired federal employee and it covered both of them. However, in order for the secondary insurance to pay, Medicare had to approve and pay their portion first. So there was a lot to learn over the years.
I am assuming she is under the care of a physician or at least someone who renews her prescriptions. That is where you start. You call their office, explain the situation and tell them you are interested in getting an assessment for home hospice from Medicare. If you are not able to physically get her to an office visit (my mom was bedridden), ask her doctor's office for a referral for a Medicare approved visiting physician program. Hopefully they won't give you any crap and you'll get a referral. Usually you will call that service, explain the situation, have her Medicare card info in front of you, and they'll walk you through it.
Trust me, at 20 I wouldn't even drive on the freeway. I got married a year later and moved from southwestern Ohio to Houston, Texas. I married a jerk who tossed me in the deep end of the pool and I discovered underneath that little girl was a tough cookie. I never looked back. At 20, chances are you've never seen the movie Terms of Endearment. You need to rent it or stream it or find a way to watch it. There is a scene towards the end where Shirley MacLaine throws a temper tantrum at the nurses station where her daughter is hospitalized, screaming 'give my daughter the shot'. That became my mantra the first time my mom nearly died when I was 33 years old. I learned to fight with nurses, doctors, hospitals, insurance companies, you name it. The first time I pulled my own Shirley MacLaine at a nurses station, I didn't even realize I was doing it until after the nurse did exactly what I told her to do. My mom had nearly died and I wasn't taking any crap off of anyone ever again.
You love your mom, you are 20 years old and dealing with this and I can tell you have your own tough cookie inside. Let her out and make your mom's remaining time more comfortable.
If a hospital bed, then it should be able to be adjusted to almost the floor.
You are confused when it comes to Medicare and Medicaid.
Medicare is a health insurance but only pays 80% of the cost so the need for a suppliment is needed, with Mom its Medicaid.
Medicare will cover the cost of Hospice in the home. They will cover in home care after a hospital or rehab visit. But only as long as needed. This is what ur Mom probably received.
Medicaid, unless there are copays and deductables, pretty much pays for everything else. Some States, Dental, Vision and prescriptions are covered. If Mom qualifies, in home care. You or Dad need to call and ask for an evaluation. Mom may get an aide for a few hours a day.
Hospice will cost you nothing and as said, Medicare pays for it. I think it wouldn't hurt to have them visit. Explaining what they can do for Mom to keep her comfortable. Your Mom will eventually pass. Wouldn't it be nice that she be kept comfortable in the days she has left.