He is my 3rd husband, and I love him dearly, but don't know when he is telling me the truth about what is going on with him. His kids call him a drama king. He has panic attacks that is out of control, which he blames on his meds. And he is messing with his doses without telling the Dr. I have had to take over giving him his meds because he sometimes can't tell the difference between morning and evening, which is caused by his not being able to sleep. And when he does finally go to sleep, he can't tell if he is waking up in the morning or evening. His problems are more panic attacks, and pain from arthritis. He has lost total eyesight in one eye and partial in the other. He has lost most of his hearing and has to have his TV up full blast 24/7. We have more or less solved this problem that drove me crazy with the noise. I have bought him head phones so he can hear the TV without disturbing me. Thank God for head phones. He is losing weight from not eating because he say's he can't swallow very good, so he has put himself on a diet of crackers & milk, and chicken noodle soup. I can't get him to eat anything else. When I ask him about eating something else, he always refuses. Dr. say's all his vitals are ok. He use to just sit in his chair all the time, but now took up walking the driveway for his panic attacks. I can't leave the house very long any more because I'm afraid that he may fall while I am gone and can't get up. We are the only 2 here in our home, and sometimes I feel that he is maybe walking more now just to keep me at home more. He has refused help from counslors, and don't want to be a burden on others to come sit with him while I am gone. My son did it a few days ago while I went shopping with a couple of my daughters, but I felt like I was walking around in a daze all the time I was gone. He has a walker, but doesn't use it unless he has to go for a Dr.s apt. It's like he is trying to get the Dr.s sympathy (sp). He is always blaming his meds for one thing or another...Sometimes when I try to talk to him about things he tells me to stop, and that he doesn't need to get upset any more. He has blamed me a few times about being the cause of his panic attacks too. He also has a problem going to the bathroom, but the best thing of that is...He is still taking care of himself in that aspect. He has went to wearing diapers because he has had a few accidents. He also misses the toilet at times when he goes to the bathroom, and doesn't flush the toilet unless he has a bowl movement. He also takes a leak outside at times, cause he says he can't make it to the bathroom in time. I have asked him not to do that because it starts to stink out there...spraying it with lysol does help, but I wish I knew how to handle these things...He is so bullheaded about the suggestions that I make...He has also told me to stop doing things that I have been doing in the past, because he say's they bother him now. For instance...burning a candle that use to be his favorite smell (pine) or burning our wood stove or using a spray in the house to relieve some unwanted smells. The only other thing that is bothering me is that I have had open heart surgery back in Sept 2014, and can't do the things that I use to. I am most of the time the only one here to do some things, Thank God for my kids and grandkid they have been such a big help to me. With out them I think I would be in a mental institution right now...Please ....Can you give me some ideas on how to handle a drama king????
Plus sometimes the fillers/binders/coatings being used in pills one can become hyper sensitive, thus the same feeling as a panic attack. Been there, done that, still have the t-shirt.
As for missing the toilet, there comes a time when guys need to sit down to pee... but some refuse to do that because it makes them feel like they are a woman, like it some type off insult... [sigh]. If he misses the toilet, then let him clean it up. Believe me, after a few floor scrubbings, he will be sitting down.
Some of the problems you described -- not making it to the bathroom in time, loss of hearing, decreased vision are things we often have to work around. The ear phones were a great solution. Having a TV yelling at you all day long is no fun. If he is having more accidents or peeing outside often, maybe you can get a urinal or portable potty that he can have nearby.
I don't know if your husband is a drama king or if he is trying to keep control of a life that is becoming more unmanageable to him. His trouble with time makes me wonder if he has some dementia. A doctor may be able to tell you if he does. I do get the feeling that things he is doing are not purposeful or directed at you. They sound very common for someone of advanced years. Getting older comes with so many inconveniences! And it requires so much patience from the caregivers. In your shoes I would try to see if there were ways to get the agitation in check. If that were better, then other things could be more easily addressed.