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I've been caring for my sick dad for a year now.
All all of a sudden my sister took over. And she said I can't have any days. My mom doesn't stick up for me because of my sister cleans everything and cooks spectacular meals. I am so happy my mom and dad have her. I can't stand the way she acts though. For example, went to pick up my dad for chemo and she wouldn't let me open the trunk or she elbowed me out of the way when getting him in the trunk? Yelling at me that I'm not sterile that I didn't wash my hands which I did. I've been in the medical field for 30 years working in the hospital doing xray? In no way am I going to hurt my dad. I've decided to stay away from her but I do miss my dad. She finally allowed me to have Fridays with him. But she constantly calls and is out of control of the situation. She is in an abusive relationship. Also there are 7 of us kids and we fight to be on the top of the "totem pole". How can I work around her?

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This is a real switcheroo from the normal posts we get where family cannot be found to help.

You have 7 people wanting to be involved!

I'd just take the break and enjoy the peace that comes.

Ask dad who HE wants to CG for him. He has a say in this.

I've NEVER seen a post where 7 kids are fighting to be 'top of the totem pole' of caregiving. That's a new one! Seems like 7 kids/7 days a week..problem solved. But I'm sure it's deeper than that.

BTW, sounds like sis is a bit of a bully, I don't know how you can work 'around her' without causing undue stress. Your first responsibility is mom and dad.
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lovemysons Jul 2020
Thanks for the good response.
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I think you have said it all when you say "There are 7 of us kids and we fight to be on the top of the "totem pole"."
How very sad for your father, unless of course he is one who has set this in motion while you kids were being raised.
I doubt that there is much that we here on the forum can do about this family struggle. My heart goes out to you all and I wish you all much luck.
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lovemysons Jul 2020
Thankyou.
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Well if it weren't for Covid, I would let her do it all and go on a long vacation.
In fact let her do it all and enjoy your life!
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lovemysons Jul 2020
Best idea ever!
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Wow 😳 you’re actually fighting for the right to do caregiving?!? 99.99% of caregivers on this site beg for respite & are burnt 🥵 out .,I would thank your sister for the favor. If you want to visit or call Dad, ok but don’t kick gift horse 🐎 in mouth...as expression goes! Good luck! Live your life! Im jealous...I have nobody but a pt paid private caregiver for my respite. My one brother don’t help. You’re so lucky! Hugs 🤗
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lovemysons Jul 2020
Thanks for the perspective!
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Two suggestions: First, let your sister stay at the top of the totem pole while you have a holiday. She will probably fall off all too soon.

Second, why do you need permission to go and see your father? Have the locks been changed? Just go when you want to, and have a nice visit. What’s sister going to do – call the police? Don’t make me laugh!
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