My 95 year old Mom has these wild dreams. She will wake up and think they really happened. She will go on and on talking about how the dream was a reality. She was diagnosed a few years ago with mild vascular dementia. I'm sure it is worse now. She is currently in "at home" hospice with me but I don't think she is dying anytime soon. Just struggling with dementia, lots of body weakness and she doesn't want to eat or drink water. I think this girl has a couple more years in her but they probably won't be very good.
Hospice says not to push her to eat or drink or exercise but it seems if she could do better with these aspects of her life she would feel better and be stronger. Hospice wants her in assisted living but the costs blow me away. Especially when they tack on the very expensive non refundable community fees as well as the monthly costs. Any advice on the dream/reality situation and getting her to eat and drink water a little more?
If so try those. Even if it means a chocolate shake at 10AM or at 10PM. Or a bag of salt and vinegar chips at 4. (that will be me! 🤣) Ya try anything, you keep offering and don't get upset when the offer is declined.
I will mention this since you say you don't think your mom is not dying anytime soon....
Hospice does have to follow Medicare guidelines when keeping a person on Hospice. If the Recertification does not think she has declined enough she will be "graduated" off Hospice. And that can be a blow, not to the person being taken off Hospice but to the family that has come to depend on the Nurse, CNA, the Supplies and the equipment. All that goes away..
You need to document EVERYTHING.
* If she used to walk 20 feet and can now only walk 5, that is a decline
* If she used to sleep 8 hours and is now sleeping 12 hours, that is a decline.
* If she has lost weight that is a decline. Even if you can not get her on a scale her close are lose, you have to tighten a belt more, her rings fall off.
* If she used to talk a bit and not does not talk, that is a decline.
All of these can be used to establish a decline even if the Hospice staff does not observe these on each visit.
You are aware that you can ask for Respite. Hospice will place mom in a facility or in the In Patient Unit (if there is room) so you can get a break. Respite is about 1 week. this is covered as a Medicare benefit.
You can also ask for a Volunteer that can come sit with mom while you run out and get things done. This can be a 1 time thing or it can be scheduled as a weekly visit.
Oh, I forgot the dreams.
If these are particularly upsetting you can ask Hospice for medications that can calm the anxiety. Do know that they may make her more of a fall risk.
If they are not upsetting you can ask her about them and encourage her to talk through them
If she is not real verbal and can not explain you can try to reassure her that she is safe and that nothing will harm her or the family.
probably not quality. I'm sorry.. I am for quality not quantity of life and if that means my Hospice team deems me to start winding down my life when I get to that part of my life, I hope my family complies..
And the quality of life also integrates my family so they don't have to suffer going through what we have been suffering with our loved ones. I don't want to have them to take care of me indefinitely not knowingwhen what how where this will happen ; it just sucks..
prayers are with you.
And yes by all means offer food and drink to your mom and if she wants it she will take it even if it's just small bites or sips.
It is only when a person is in the "actively dying stage" that they will stop eating and drinking completely as their body is starting to shut down and the digestive system is the first to stop, so eating and drinking can cause great pain.
But let your mom dictate whether she eats or drinks and not hospice.
And the only time hospice would recommend a patient be put in a facility is if the patient isn't getting the necessary care required in their current living situation or if the person caring for the person in that current living situation is obviously burned out or overwhelmed.
I wouldn't be concerned about your moms dreams as her brain is broken so it's just part of her dementia journey, but I would be concerned that she's now receiving the proper care as she gets ready to leave this world for the next.
Being the person in charge of caring for your loved one, THIS seems counterproductive. But, is it really...?
This woman is weak, she's telling you her dreams. She is talking..it sounds like she is weak and needs assistance..
She can possibly outlive you and everyone around. It takes a lot of energy and love to keep geriatrics going to their fullest capacity.
My mother graduated 3 times out of hospice before passing awsy.
Her motor skills became automatic; if someone brought something to her face, she'd open her mouth. She tried biting my cell phone . I wanted to show her a picture. No way was she actively knowing anything at that point.. the body was there, not her mind.
Every once in awhile, she seemed lucid, looking at me knowingly.. but she wouldn't talk..sometimes I'd see her crying too, she was stuck in a body that could not function normally..
Geriatrics , ALZ is just so freaking sad..