My father was release from a Rehab/Nursing facility 2 weeks ago. We thought when he was release he would be able to take care of himself. He has fallen 3 times, thankfully no injuries. He has 41 days left of coverage, and I think these days will strengthen him and be very helpful. He is very stubborn and refuses. All the nurses, PT and OP who have visited him in the past two weeks state he is unstable. I would hate to force the POA and admit him. Any suggestions on how to approach him. I work full time, and have bitten off a little more than I can handle. I tell him the next fall could be the one that lands him in a home for the rest of his life. First time posting, but have read this blog over and over. I feel sometimes it lets me know I am not the only one going thru this. My life or what I have of it has been consume with him for the past year. He fell in March and broke his femur and is a critical heart patient. Any suggestions who be appreciated.
One thing I have done is to continue reading these posts and learning from them. I learned that different families approach this different ways. You have to figure out what motivates your parent and might work for you. I noticed my dad was looking at it from the perspective of cost. So earlier today I created a spreadsheet that showed all of his living costs and all of his medical bills for this year. He was astounded that he had been paying so much money in medical bills. Then we looked at his income. I have been visiting facilities off and on for the past year. Last week I went and got current pricing on one that I liked. I presented it to him today and we did the math.
I then said "Why don't you try it for just one month?" I'm sure I got this idea from this forum. I had the right response for the right time.
I also told him that my brother agreed with this decision, which is the truth.
It's difficult to talk about it without saying that they are being a burden on you; causing you health problems, putting your life in danger by having to drive every week (my brother lives one hour away), and basically having no life of your own. I tried to see it from my dad's perspective. I hope this helps and I hope next week to reply that my dad is in an assisted living facility.
Sadly, I, as a DIL, had to be the one who "outed him" to his dr. He'd lie and say he was eating well (no) and walking fine (no) and wearing his oxygen (no) and taking all his meds (after he passed and I was cleaning I found an enormous pile of his pills under his recliner--he was sick of them and the s/e they caused.) Dr didn't know any of this.
Sometimes you have to be the "bad guy" to get what is needed for your loved one. I do not regret telling the dr about all this. My hubby wouldn't. My SIL wouldn't and it fell to me. I looked at it as advocating for him, not trying to ruin his life.
In the end, he was allowed to die with the dignity he deserved.
In dad's case, it took the dr to say "you can't go home"....and dad respected that. He ignored us "kids". Let his dr make that decision and help you to facilitate a move.
Good luck. This is very hard, I know.
If he is willing to cooperate and apply himself they may take him back and see what more he can achieve. If he had become obstinate and would not do his exercises to the best of his ability, they may not take him back.
Tell him every fall moves him closer to a broken hip. The rate of decline for elderly persons who break their hip is well established. He can start working toward strength, or continue moving towards the likelihood of a broken hip, with an increased likelihood of death. Before death, they will put him through a hip surgery, in less than a week he will be back in rehab for a heck of a lot more work and pain than he would have if he returns now. And with a broken hip he may still not make it through rehab alive. My mother broke her hip, but while in rehab began her decline. I took her home for hospice and she was gone in three weeks. He has a decision to make. From his perspective both choices are lousy, but one is clearly better than the other.
Right now, I am starting over with my dad who is 90 and extremely stubborn. He fell twice and the second time, his face is all black and blue. So, I had to hire an in home agency last week. He agreed to it at first. Since he doesn't remember that we hired the agency, he got combative and nagging about not wanting any help from the aides and taking showers. Dad wouldn't and don't believe me that if he falls again with broken bones, he will go to the nursing home. He threatened me that he is going to kill hhimself. I know that he doesn't mean that because Mom used say that. It is very hard and very painful to see Dad going through this situation. Even though, he yells at me, I know he is not my dad who used to be, but I love him.
So, if your dad went to the rehab center before, talk to the social worker at that place and see what they think.
Our bathroom was deemed unsafe by the agency that did her bathing so she was down to sponge baths which really wasn't enough - she is in a NH that have professionals taking care of her & that's what she needs at the level she is at - it takes 2 aides with a hoyer lift to get her out of wheelchair onto toilet - there is no way we could do this as she is very overweight & has been for 40 years
You have to balance doing what you can with doing what you must no matter how hard it is - you must protect him from himself & protect yourself from undue stress - while we want to do so much for our parents we can't help them at all if we're 6 feet underground! - there is a balance that needs to be heeded here -
My husband was sent to a 'Skilled Nursing' directly from the hospital after an emergency surgery. Due to his age, it took many days for him to recover from anesthesia, so he couldn't articulate to me how he was being mistreated by the overworked and under-supervised night staff.
I think that someday this scenario will be what happens to me. My mother will fall, end up in the hospital, and then be crying and shaking at the thought of a rehab facility. (My father died in one, and of course I would never make her go to that one, but there are plenty of others.) She will say something absurd like she will hire caregivers, but then would get home and not do it.
I hadn't thought of the threat to call APS. Now I will be ready for that! My mother doesn't live with me, and I will make sure they know that she lives alone, and that I am unable to be her caregiver. And I will be ready to repeat that.
I'm not sure whether or not you would have enforcement powers with just POA, but you definitely would with guardianship. Guardianship gives you for powers over everything involving that person. I'm not sure if you're cut out for this kind of job, not everyone is though you may be willing.
I don't know what kind of rehab he's going through, you didn't quite say. Did he have a stroke or did he break something like a hip? It sounds like he may actually benefit from a walker or even a wheelchair, I would definitely look into these. You can usually find these items fairly cheap through private sales or even secondhand shops such as Goodwill. I would look for a real good used walker or wheelchair so that he won't fall anymore. I don't know if he would be able to successfully use a walker, but if he needs one then try that. I would also have a wheelchair handy because it sounds like he may need one right now. He should be using a wheelchair for sure but definitely a walker if he still walks. A walker would help him to safely transfer between the wheelchair and other furniture. He may or may not need both but he definitely needs at least one of the two but having both handy would be for safety and fall prevention
Your other option is to apply for Medicaid immediately so that he can get home care. The sooner you apply, the better. I am pretty sure that as long as he doesn't have a lot of money, a home care agency could begin services while he is Medicaid pending... meaning you have applied and are just waiting for the approval to come through.
Best of luck and hugs to you.