Corona Virus hell..What is considered "essential" visitor? Especially in late stage?

I understand your frustration and concerns. It's not just about screening family "the way you do the worker" but also about the fact that you are not a worker - any PPE is already in short supply - and you may be a carrier and show no symptoms. Self isolation for 2+ weeks is necessary to protect the public and health care workers. If the health care workers get sick, you are putting everyone in your dad's care home at risk. I am sorry for you and your family.

"We pose the same risk as a care worker." Yes but if they let you in they would open themselves up to pressure to make exceptions for everyone else who wants to visit. The increased number of outsiders increases the overall risk of exposure to the residents and increases the amount of attention the skeleton staff needs to put attention on cleaning and exposure prevention. There is just no good answer in this situation. You don't say what state/city you are in. It is possible the threat may peak in a week or two, then things may relax a bit. No one knows. I'm so sorry for your anxiety. He is blessed to have such a caring family! May you gain peace in your heart as this situation rolls through.

I have not seen my husband, in rehab for mobility issues, for two weeks. I’m not allowed farther than the front desk with his clean laundry. He is getting good care, everything he needs. I don’t need to do anything for him like you do for your dad. But after 46 years of marriage, it’s darned hard. The dog isn’t a great conversationalist and the cats only come out to be fed.

There is simply nothing to do but accept that we can’t do anything but follow the federal mandates. Sure, it sucks. I got laid off from my job at a daycare last Thursday. My son texts every day to make sure I’m doing ok. He’s worried.

Here in Cleveland, Ohio, some hospitals are allowing one visitors (after they’re screened). Special dispensation may be given for end-of-life or hospice care. A local facility hasn’t gotten their mail since Tuesday because the postal worker refuses to let his temperature be taken. It’s a strange world now.

This will be pointless before very long, because there are only so many staff you can isolate before you don't have a functioning staff. But we're not there yet.

Are you in touch with any other relatives of residents at your father's ALF? I think this might be a really good time for family members to start a support group. If you can get together responsible people who are prepared to commit to regular time and a crash course in infection control, you have the beginnings of a volunteer force. This is one of the possibilities the UK government is exploring for keeping our residential care centres running, especially if significant numbers of staff actually fall ill (as opposed to being possible carriers).

As a Nurse and a caregiver for my Mother who has Alzheimer's I can understand how you are feeling but if they allowed you those privileges they would have to do the same for other families, each and every person who enters that facility adds to the risk not only to their loved one but to every resident, the virus that causes Coronavirus is extremely contagious, healthcare workers know how to take precautions to not spread disease it's part of their training

I understand your frustration because my mother is in Memory Care and was put on Hospice this week. Only the Hospice nurses and facility staff can go in to see her, not the chaplin nor the social worker. As we all know the nurses and CNA's are being pulled in numerous directions. My only saving grace is that I have an Echo Show so I can call her daily. It is hard seeing them decline and this feeling of hopelessness. I too am not sure how much the facility staff is pushing her to eat. What a terrible time this is and to deal with this on top of it. All I can do is pray. I wish you and your family the best.

Swabs have to be done right, and tests have to be analysed. You can do a lot, you can do thousands, tens of thousands a day, they are expanding facilities as fast as they can, and there are even rumours of a simplified screening tool; but at the moment laboratories are seriously overstretched, and concerned relatives are simply not going to tested ahead of healthcare workers.

At my grandmother's residence, all visitors are barred. Doesn't matter the reason.

It's up to the facility. Sorry you have been put in such a tough situation. Remember to breathe. I'm finding a little comfort in reminding myself that most of this is 100% out of my hands.

This is up to the facility that you are working with. Sorry, but please take their direction. You cannot begin to imagine the stress they are under, and the fear of what will happen in contagion. Think of what happened in Kirkland, Washington. I have a friend who is the director of Nursing at an ALF; she is living in 24/7 absolute terror.

I don’t think even hospice patients are allowed visitors unless end of life is imminent. People can be on hospice for months or even years. This has got to be extremely difficult as you know the care you are providing your dad. However the visitors are controlled under state mandate and you are not employees. They cannot let anyone in who does not work there. They are not allowing volunteers in or entertainers and MD visits are curtailed. You said they are short handed so doubtful you could even pay extra for someone to provide a higher level of care.

I work for a huge hospital ( not an elderly facility) and earlier this week we went to one visitor per pt ( I work in the ICU). Other visitors could not even be IN the hospital,, they had to wait in the garage in their car or outside. Today we made the horrible and painful decision to allow NO visitors,, unless some one is passing or in the pediatric side with one parent there.. ( because the RNs there can't take care of the children AND keep them entertained.) Although we all see the need for this as the hospital is full, and we don't know who is carrying what in.. including us, it was heartbreaking to watch. I feel for you, but please know this for everyones best interest. We don"t want the pts to get sicker, and no one wants to see the caregivers dropping like flies. We had several RNS go home today with symptoms, and I can tell you almost all our DRS are wearing masks, as are we.. and unfortunately we need to wear the same mask all day, from PT to Pt,, so this is real! My clothes are in the washer as I speak,, because I am terrified that I will bring this home to my 89 YO frail mom who just got of the hospital a few weeks ago. I feel if it becomes end of life they will probably let you in, we are making exceptions for that.

put on the disposable booties, gloves, mask, eye goggles, and whatever else you need... go see him... keep them on until you get out... Or bring an extra one for him, and cover his mouth, and you can take your mask off for a minute... One or the other needs a mask onl. My ki went to doctor last week, and doc said it was ok to remove the mask to describe the symtoms. Once, done kid slid mask back on and doctor's mask off so she can speak.

Remember, when you want to run around screaming (I think we're all feeling a bit like that, aren't we?), that this situation is *temporary.*

Because of the uncertainty we can't know how long temporary is, of course, which makes it harder to keep that in mind; but people are already organising themselves and we do know that we will get things sorted.

Humans are clever, cooperative organisms. Work with others to find a way through.

New York is the epicenter of US cases, I heard this morning.

You are in a difficult situation. You could work toward getting a hospice referral this week but resources are slim.

It could be said there are several folks in the same situation at your father’s center. You say he is not getting fed because staff are aware you and your family feed him but it’s obvious you can’t be there. Are you saying they are ignoring him? Who told you he was in acute decline or lost 10 lbs in 15 days?

Unfortunately this is an extraordinary event. I feel your frustration. It’s a fluid situation as well & the HC providers must follow CDC recommendations & maintain some control over visitors. They have 24 people they are responsible for.

I don’t think they will make an exception for you. If I were you though I’d continue to advocate for him and speak to the manager about your concerns that your father is not getting fed. But to actually still push to get in, I think would be non-productive and disruptive.

The CMMS Task force representative said exceptions are being made for terminal patients and I believe one visitor is allowed for a hospice patient but again it depends on # of cases they know about in your area and the fact that you are in a state that has a proven higher risk of spreading the virus.

So sorry you have to go through this.

Upadte this a.m. we got a call from facility Dad has a fever and may have gotten it anyway, keep us in your prayers heading to hospital

Dad admitted to hospital this a.m. seems the virus may have found its way in there after all even with the ban.,, High fever and unresponsive taken by ambulance from the facility this a.m. 5 other residents as well. Just keep us in your prayers please.

I'm so sorry to hear this Anchors. Please keep in touch if it helps at all - I know we'll be thinking of you.

My heart goes out to you. Prayers for your Dad and the other residents.

He has been admitted to ICU he has pneumonia his kidneys are now in severe distress (condition which wre knew from October stage 3) is severely dehydrated and has pneumonia. Possible COV 19 they are not sure and are testing still..dehydration was my #1 concern for reasons as I described and why I was so upset about the ban to begun with. Families who are in our situation and banned..please heed this warning. Check in and speak up when you need to.

My mother started Hospice last week and has maybe 1-5 weeks remaining. Hospice RN advocated for me to visit, as I'm the only one in the family who visits her, and I'm the POA, and she is rapidly declining: sleeping most of the day; not eating or drinking; not taking her medicines; unable to speak. She has end stage dementia; confused; scared. The NH is arranging for a single room so I can visit, which should happen within days. Also, funeral home that will handle her arrangements post death recommend a private service with less than 10 people. Not the good death or tribute that I or she had hoped for. Feeling very sad and helpless.

Anchors1981 - I feel your pain. My mom who is 84 and has advanced Lewy Body Dementia and who cannot do a thing for herself anymore is in a nursing home nearby where I live. I go 5 days out of seven to feed her and keep her mentally stimulated.  Its been 12 days since I have seen here and it is making me crazy . I called the facility and told them a phone call will not work. She will not even know what a phone is and facetime will also not work.  I just wanted to see her. So they brought her down to the side door and let me see her through the glass. I was horrified when I saw her. She looked like she lost weight, has aged 20 years. Had her eyes closed would not open them or even react to the sound of my voice. I am afraid they are not doing anything to stimulate her and I understand they are totally stressed and under extreme duress now.  I heard that her one aide that we are very close with and who my mom loves has not been in to work in over a week.  She is the only one there who I have the cell phone number for and she has not responded to my texts when I ask her how is my mom.  When this ban started I had a little sense of comfort knowing she would be there and taking extra care of my mom as she always does but now with her not going into work I have heard that the residents are spending days in bed having all their meals in bed.  I am going to keep calling and ask if they can keep trying to bring my mom down to the door so I can see her and hope that one day she will have her eyes open to see me. She must think I abandoned her. This is so stressful when I hear the news that it could be months before we can go back to visiting our loved ones. I am afraid she will pass away without me getting the chance to see her one last time.  So I totally understand the stress you re under.  This keeps me awake every night.  But I don't know what other solution there is other than to keep asking the hospital if they will allow one person to go see your dad.  I thought they said they would allow one visitor if its end of life.  Its a nightmare.  Sending you lot of prayers and good wishes.

Our mother is 101 and on palliative hospice care. She currently lives in an assisted living facility. She has advanced stage dementia and is unable to walk and needs to be fed due to her near blindness. We have private care givers for her through a reputable agency with her from 8am-8pm since she needs to have someone with her during all her waking hours and the ALF doesn’t have the staffing required for that. To our shock, our private care givers were sent away on the first day the visitor restrictions were put into place. My sister was able to get them back by the end of the day since our mother CANNOT be left alone. But we are still unable to visit her....she is unable to see us if we FaceTime because of her extremely poor vision. I spoke with our hospice nurse who told me we are only able to visit her if she is “actively dying”. It’s so sad that a loved one at this stage of end of life isn’t allowed to be with her family (myself and 2 sisters). It would be nice if just one of us could go in at a time but that isn’t allowed either. ..so sad for everyone!

So, this is life... and the "experts" know this.. Everyone knows this.. This is not normal, but your loved ones need you.
Go to the hospital, AL , or whatever you want to name it.. Tell them you are there to treat and help LO. loved one.. Take your mask and snorkel, gloves, and fins.. and be there for your loved one... It is the right thing to do....
We are all professional when it comes to our loved ones... Some more than others, I tried... Mine died.. but that is life... And now I working on trying to keep my aunt alive and going... Yup, I trying it again...
BASICALLY WHAT I AM SAYING IS:::: YOU CANNOT FAIL IF YOU TRY... AT least you tried.. Hopefully you have back up.. .I did not :(

Your situation is heartbreaking. I am so very sorry. I am not experiencing this personally but I want to offer support and let you know that I care.

I will say a prayer for you and your family. Take care 💗.

My sister is an RN, and she too has said that many RNs at work are coming down with Covid19 symptoms; she too has come down with these symptoms (high fever, cough, and an odd red rash). It does seem to be the contagious virus that the media is portraying it as. She did say that one thing that helped her symptoms tremendously were cherry and grape flavored popsicles (not any citrus flavored ones, such as orange). She also applied coconut hand cream to her rash, which also made the rash better. She said that most patients are elderly, although more younger patients are starting to come in. It seems to be an escalating situation.

I could go on for hours about how horrible this is. My dad had pneumonia and ended up in a nursing home a few days before the ban started. He was there for rehab in order to get him back home.

It was a horrible place. Even with my mom there they were not caring for him properly. She has been his caregiver for years and has his medical power of attorney. But they wouldn't budge on letting her be there to care for him. He won't drink without constant reminding. He won't really do much of anything for anyone except her. And with them not keeping a sterile field when catheterizing him, insisting that he didn't need to be cathed even though it hadn't been done for over 24 hours and he has to have it done due to issues from bladder cancer. She didn't want him alone there with no one to watch out for his interests.

After trying for most of a day to explain that she was his caregiver and needed to be there, to no avail, she brought him home against medical advice. Took them the rest of the day to release him. (She sat outside, While they came and went for lunch. Had food delivered. Had a catering company come for something...)

They were livid. Refused to give my mom a copy of his discharge papers or his meds. And made her sit outside for hours waiting on them to bring him out. But my mom is NOT going to let my dad die alone feeling like she abandoned him. No family should have to do that. There has to be a better way.

He was so much weaker when he came home than he was when he had left the hospital. Looking sicker by the hour.

Thankfully my mom had us here. It was horrible how much my dad had declined in the few days between the time he left the hospital and the time that he left the home. He was clearly dehydrated.

He was even worse the next day. After 2 days of trying to reach his doctor or get one online we found out that the nursing home was supposed to be giving him antibiotics. They weren't. They told my mom more than once that he wasn't discharged on them. Which she thought was odd since he'd been diagnosed with pneumonia, but she trusted them. By the time we found out that he was supposed to be on them he had been without for 5 days and we had called 911 when we thought that we were going to loose him. They advised us to not bring him in yet due to the circumstances at the hospital. A few hours later we finally found out about the antibiotics and started him back on them.

Last weekend was so scary. He couldn't even stand without 2 of us holding him up. He looked gray and his eyes were cloudy. It was Tuesday night before I looked at him and realized that his color was back and his eyes bright blue again.

If he had stayed at the nursing home I have no doubt that we would be in mourning right now. He would have died alone and they would have chalked it up to being his time.

I get it, not everyone can take their loved one home at a time like this. It's a lot of work even with my mom, my husband, and I. My dad needs full time care. He can feed himself, but really that's about it. He did walk some starting Friday. Before he got so sick with a bladder infection followed by pneumonia the day after they released him from the hospital he was walking twice around the pool and to and from bed. That was after having sepsis in January and another blood infection in February. He is a strong man. But we've almost lost him several times this year. It's only my mom watching him so closely and knowing what is just sun downing and what is, something wrong, that has kept him with us.

But my advice is in a case like this, ask yourself rather you can take care of them for a month or 2 and if you can do it, go for it. I'd rather my loved one die at home with me not doing a perfect job, than dying alone where they were too overwhelmed to care for them. When my mom had her surgery I had to learn to cath my dad. Last thing I ever wanted to do. (my brother's refused) But I did it.

If you can't do it you just have to pray.

My mom just died in a private nursing home. We saw her declining through her screen window. I never was told about You could see them if they were actively dying. She was on hospice. She became depressed and lost her will to live. I’m completely positive that was it. Finally they let us go in because she had been crying and not eating or drinking. It was less than a week later that she died. We at least got to go in and be with her in the room for her last few days. Although they kept saying they were going to limit the visits etc. there were only 3 other patients in the house. Separate rooms. Never visited between rooms. There were 5 but with my mom dying and another dying the same week they were left with only 3. They were afraid the state was going to close them down if they allowed us in. I don’t know what is true or not. I do know my mom was a covid statistic that will never be counted. She didn’t die from covid but she died because of it. Disgusting they wouldn’t let us in until it was too late to build her up again by feeding her and visiting. If they didn’t let us in when they did I would have taken her home to die. I wouldn’t let her die alone. But I have that luxury of being able to take care of her with other family members since we were out of work because of the shut down. We didn’t know how long we would be out of work and I didn’t want to move her home and have to send her back again. I knew if I took her home it would be very traumatic for her so she would die either way. She was completely bedridden. Practically paralyzed. She needed human contact with family and when we couldn’t she lost her will to live. I’m bitter, angry, heartbroken, And guilty. I would handle it differently if I knew then what I know now. I have to live with that or let it go. It was in the morning before we got there that she passed away.

CV got into one of the larger nursing homes in middle TN, near Nashville. When the _first_ resident was sent to the hospital, everyone in the facility was tested: 59 residents and 38 staff members were positive, most showing no symptoms yet. So while I understand the problems, particularly for residents needing extra support, I support the ban on visitors. I will support it even if/when we have testing available to test everyone as they enter the facility. So far none of the tests are completely accurate: you can have a negative test at least in the first hours and perhaps days following exposure and with up to 48% of an infected and contagious population showing absolutely no symptoms we cannot test ourselves clear - at least not yet.

Unfortunately, that means very difficult choices and sacrifices. Some of those sacrifices will be from our strongest and finest but many of those sacrifices will be from our most venerable too. We have already lost doctors, nurses, care givers, aids, and first responders to this virus. We have already lost seniors in LTC to this virus and to under treated existing conditions, and we will lose more. Our seniors in LTC will have a reduced standard of care because it is simply impossible for the overburdened staffs to provide the same level of care as when fully staffed and supported by volunteers and family members. One facility in our area has stopped daily dressing of all residents to focus on more important tasks stating extra time is needed for delivering food to individual rooms; clothes are changed as needed or following a bath. Residents who need assistance eating and/or drinking will probably be the most impacted. It hurts to imagine this reality for our seniors and enrages us to not be able to put our fingers on the scale to change this reality. I went through a short no visitors flu lock down when my father was in MC. What families are facing now is so much worse.

A high school friend recently made an emotional post on Facebook stating his 96 year old WWII veteran, past community serving/leading father _deserved_ a ventilator. I agreed, then asked him what decision he believes his father would make if there was one vent available and some father with young children also needed to be ventilated? My friend replied he knows the decision; Dad has prepared a document informing doctors he only wants the use of a ventilator if his use does not restrict access for someone else.

Personally, I have accepted a reduced level of care for my 88 year old mother, some from covid-19 restrictions and some from my own health concerns. Reduced socialization for one. No more long drives for another. Mom loves a good drive around the community but with the stay at home orders and spring allergens impact on my asthma, we are staying at home. Mom has developed some anxiety and now has periods of an hour to several hours a couple of times a week where she is anxious and I cannot talk her out of it. Normally, I would take her to the doctor and ask for some medication to help but I don't want to be anywhere near any medical facility until we are on the downside of the CV curve. I have requested a tele-visit but those are also being prioritized; anxiety is a comfort issue, people with life threatening issues like high blood pressure or kidney failure come first. Mom had her first problem with the walker this morning. She let go of the walker to reach out, lost her balance and started falling backwards. I was behind her and able to put my arms around her waist and slow her descent so she ended up just sitting on the floor and not actually hitting it. My nephew put his forearms under her shoulders and lifted her back on her feet, then kept them there loosely as she found her balance and took her first steps. Unless Mom develops an issue, we will not be seeking medical care.

Many of our seniors survived the Depression and WWII, they may be better able to accept sacrifices than we are.

I think that in time there will have to be a little flexibility on restrictions, this level of lockdown will not be sustainable long term - realistically this plague will continue to spread until there is a viable vaccine or until enough of the population has gotten it to develop herd immunity. Unfortunately those with loved ones who are imminently nearing the end of life must be asked to sacrifice in order to flatten the curve because we don't have any better strategy available right now.

Absolutely there will, CW. It will stop making much sense for people who have been ill and recovered, for a start - they will no longer be either at risk or potential vectors. I expect the poor statisticians are burning the midnight oil to figure out how many restrictions to lift, which ones, and when..!