He’s been there for 5 months. Dad has no activities on his wing. Through the last 12 years, we children have seen that his wife was just done with him. I took her to court for Guardianship. We ended up with a Corporate Guardian. I like the Guardian but dad is stuck in this very subpar facility. Activities are downstairs sometimes. Dad has said that he doesn’t want to participate. Maybe if something was done on his floor? The TV is on all day in the common area. People just lay around with that lonely look. I live 900 miles away and come every 5-7 weeks. I call 2x a day but I wish he had something to do that he could enjoy. The Guardian is getting him a video pad for calls. He hates puzzles. He has books and a CD player for his music but doesn’t seem to use them (0r he forgets they are there). He doesn’t want us to make this dorm-like room homey. He says it’s not his home. I’m so sad for him. He has 5 children. We were willing to take him in and the wife was on board til she thought we were trying to pull something. We feel so sad for him. Any thoughts on how to make his life happier?
I warn families over and over again. It is usually sibling wars that take the guardianship of an elder out of the hands of family and place it in the hands of the courts, where a fiduciary is hired by the court to oversee the care of the elder. But sometimes it is second marriages, such as your Dad's that cause a family war to move into the court, where, for lack of a King Solomon the court is forced to remove the senior from the care of BOTH sides warring over him.
This makes also for a very sad end of life for the senior. Not only is family helpless to decide on finances and on placement and care, but the senior feels pulled between two "sides" he or she loves very much at a time the senior him or herself is at their most helpless.
I am sad about your case, and hope you will all attempt now, in your Dad's last time on earth, to get together enough to make that time as happy as you are. Your post here serves as a warning to those who want to battle over who's in charge. Once it is a Fiduciary you cannot even decide how close to you (for visiting) the placement is. Your best hope is to befriend the fiduciary, who, due to lack of time, could likely care less about your wishes.
I sure wish your Dad the best, and hope you come up with some things that can make this all better for him.
then placement in this MC was allowed & approved by guardian. Trying to get guardian to do a change wanted by a son/daughter that lives 900 miles away is a hard stretch. If his wf is nearby and she’s not at all in favor of this, imho, this is dead on arrival issue.
Guardian is already doing 1-on-1 things for your dad, like gaming device. I’d suggest that you tread carefully here…. If you show up for visits & afterwards dad shows alot of agitation or emotional unrest, and to the point that it gets entered in his chart, &/or he needs to get medications, you’ll be barred.
Now what you can do is work with a guardianship attorney to petition the court on a new care plan for dad. You would on you own dime, go and find 2 MC in his state in the same area he currently lives in that you like & take Medicaid and get a fresh needs assessment done; your atty send assessment to both MC to see if they can provide level of care needed and if so & in writing, then petition court to get guardian to have dad move. If costs for moving him are not covered by LTC Medicaid then you’d put a bond up. Your 900 miles away, I doubt you’d be allowed to be ok with just a signatory on personal responsibility document. You’ll need a bond. Clearly ask your attorney if there’s anything your background that will be an issue on getting a bond too.
This would involve getting an attorney, you could just try by contacting the Guardian he currently has and ask what the procedure would be.
You do have to prove that you can care for him in a safe manner. That you can appear in court when it is necessary and between times you will file the proper paperwork. And there is a LOT of paperwork.
If you can not do this or do not want to take on this responsibility you could ask the Guardian if there is another facility that he can be moved to. Keep in mind that they have to place someone often in a hurry and there are not always beds available. And I am sure the County/State has contracts with certain facilities and they have to follow guidelines outlined in contracts. BUT if you do not think he is getting proper care you can file a complaint.
That the current wf was not selected, to me, shows court wasn’t at all impressed with her either.
fwiw in sitting in PC numerous times, not being in state or even in the county = not being named as guardian; there’s a list of already vetted by the court potential guardians to select. For Executor out of state, if the will has the person named and they have a local atty, those get named Exec as that will shows now deceased intent and choice. It gets honored.