My mom got sick with a viral brain injury 2 years ago. She went from being 100 percent healthy and supportive, loving of everyone to not knowing who we were in a matter of HOURS. All of her memory was wiped clean, people, places, she had to learn how to use a phone, remote control, washing machine all over again. Her memory slowly has returned to where she knows us but it's so spotty and she has little to no short term memory. It all happened so quickly, there was no time to adjust it felt like having my heart pulled out through my chest. The neurological injury affected the temporal lobe most of all and it has affected her moods, some days it's so hard being around my mom because she says mean insulting things, out of the blue and unprovoked. I feel like it's sucking the life out of me because I miss my mom, I miss her friendship.I should be use to it but when I'm in need of cheering up or good advice there is a part of my heart and head that so wants to lean on her but I can't and a lot of times I get the opposite of support, I get told off. We do have good days and I try to give thanks for them and hold onto that feeling. Our situation is made worse by the fact that I also have a severely mentally ill father, my mother cared for him all the time and saw him through his multiple breakdowns, now they both have diseases that have affected their minds, they sort of move along at their house, independent but fragile, I check in every other day with groceries, meds and just to see how things are. I get calls most often when things are going bad, mom had seizures, dad began having an episode of psychosis, I feel shell shocked and disoriented some days, who wants to put out fires on a nonstop basis? I miss getting calls with a cheery voice saying "Hey, How are you?" I have siblings and they don't help and all have their excuses. How do you cope? I feel lost and sad. Any advice would be appreciated.
As with any brain injury, whether it be a stroke, when a person has memory problems, anger seems to be part of it. They can no longer remember. They have to relearn everyday life. Just trying to get the right word out. It is even more difficult for them when they know they are unable to think straight.
I agree with vegaslady, that you need a support group. Is there something close by that you could check out. A church would be a good place to start. A place where you can ask others for advice or to pour out your heartbreak to. A place where you can become involved in something that is good for you.
Is it possible to talk to your mom more by phone than in person? If it becomes insulting and mean, you can either change the subject or tell your mom you have to go. Then go for a brisk walk. You may ultimately have to remove yourself from the situation for your own mental health, but I know the bottom line is they are your parents and you love them.
See All Answers